How do i say difficult child violated probation and a warrant is out for his arrest!

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Havehadenough70, Oct 1, 2012.

  1. Its unreal and this a long post, so i apologise in advance. Apparently, he was supposed to report to the probation officer last thursday and according to difficult child, he was sick so he called the po to say he would not be able to meet with him. This afternoon around 3.00pm et, i was getting into my car to go out grocery shopping when i saw a police car driving up our street and slow down near my house and park. He approached my driveway and asked whether i knew difficult child, and who i was to him. My heart was beating fast because i didn't know what he was going to tell me and imagined the worst kind of scenarios.

    Anyway, he said he had a warrant for difficult child issued by the probation officer. I told him i didn't know where he was and invited him to come to the entrance of the house to talk, i wanted to avoid the neigbours' whispers. He was very kind and sympathetic and told me to tell difficult child to report to probation office as soon as i got hold of him and also told me if there is anything he could do to help difficult child to let him know and left me his cell phone number.

    When i called my son, he wouldn't pick up so i checked the phone records to see who difficult child was talking to more this morning - a former friend he went to school with picked up and told me difficult child was out of town in New York, 600 miles from where we live. So i asked her to call difficult child and ask him to call me. Three hours later, thats when he strolled into the house smiling with no concern or care in the world to tell me that i worry too much and that it's all a misunderstand because he talked to the po last week and he agreed difficult child can go see him thursday.

    He hasn't payed the probation fee, so that could be the reason for the warrant, but i don't know. I would have helped him with the money but since he has been staying with the girlfriend, i didn't bother ask. The police officer had told me he was going to delay taking difficult child in until tommorrow so he could get a chance to report to his po and explain himself and the po would go from there, either accept his reasons or have him appear before a judge. So i am waiting to hear what will happen when he goes.

    This rollercoaster ride with these kids is too much. Just when you think you are detaching, something pulls you back. However, i had a long talk with his lawyer who has been very helpful trying to talk sense into difficult child and he helped me realize that i have really tried my best to help this kid and now it's up to him. Strangely, i am not worried as i would be and i am prepared for the outcome and if it's jail, then be it.
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Not sure where you live or what your son is on probation for but I have been through this many times. I just roll with the punches now. Its your sons probation, not yours and if he wants to violate it, let him. If they toss him in the clink, it might be the best for him. I am gonna assume he isnt on probation for something awful so they will probably only keep him for a little bit.

    My son has been doing incredibly better but he has been having to deal with some older charges due to driving without license. This is something that is going to plague him all his life because he simply cant get a license because he has so many of these on his record. I think he is permanently banned but not sure. He just keeps getting arrested,bailing out and paying lawyers. Its a never ending cycle. His lawyer is supposed to take care of his court dates for him but evidently his lawyer missed one and the bond guy showed up at my house looking for him and talking about wanting their money. I laughed at him. Gave him the lawyers name and told him to call him. He wanted to know where Cory was and I said he doesnt live with me and I dont have his address but gave him his phone number. I didnt know where he was at that moment. Guy didnt like my answers but oh well. Not my day to keep up with him. He was threatening to take a John Deere ride on lawn mower we have on the side of the house. I was laughing to myself inside. He said he was going to take that to pay off the bond. Go for it buddy. That thing hasnt worked in 3 years.

    Cory called the bond guy and reamed him out about going to my house and told him to leave me alone. Told him his lawyer was and had handled the court stuff. In fact while the bail guy was there he told me that he had a text from Cory's lawyer on his phone but he didnt know what it was about. Duh. Maybe saying things were taken care of?
  3. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    I'm glad you've made some peace with the what will be part. It is such a rollercoaster, and so draining! Your hair could turn gray in 5 minutes. I hope it's all a minor thing, hugs.
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Such a bummer you have to go thru this stress, I'm really sorry you are having to deal with any of it. I hope he really did take care of it but if not keep up your posting here and working on accepting what can't be changed. A different situation, but that's hard for me ....though worth the effort. Thank heaven for people who understand. Hugs ....
  5. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Oh and..........THE "All friendly How are you MOM" police officer - Can I do anything for you lady act? Is just sadly........AN ACT - they have a job to do and honey -------let me tell you------I'm honest------and helpful and would open my door to any law enforcemt official - but after they STORMED MY HOME......and SPRAYED my dog and ME with mace (*my dogs are trained and they were told DO NOT MOVE - let me get the dog) and BARNEY FIFE MOVED ANYYWAY and the other nine did not.........?????????????? I gotta tell ya --------I will tell the truth but ONLY if asked......and that will be the BARE minimum......I've been LIED to so much when I finallyFINALLY looked at the sheriff and said "BUT I Told YOU the truth on EVERYTHING.......why is this happening? " HIs look to me was "LADY.......I do my job at any cost........your kid is a criminal......and I have a job to do......and yeah......we lie."

    After hearing that.......TWICE???? From two different law enforcement officers??????? I realized that they don't know my son- they assume all of the people they deal with are liars and scum.......and whatever I say isn't HELPING its I have NO involvement. Its our crisis it's THEIR job. They don't care. REally they don't.
  6. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I know it sounds downright "UnAmerican" but don't trust any of them. Star is absolutely right. Some of the CD family members have received help from law enforcement but I guarantee you they are like addicts "if they open their mouth the chances are they are lying". It's sad but true. I hope your difficult child gets his act together because those nice guys can be absolutely brutal if they decide to be so. Hugs DDD
  7. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    HHE70 what is your son on probation for and how old is he? It would be helpful if you would create a signature with pertinent info so we can refer to it to refresh our recollection. It is either a misunderstanding or your son is lying. I know my difficult child is lying when her lips are moving. She comes up with incredible stories too and makes them sound very believeable. I don't trust police or PO's very much either but on the other hand I don't know why he would go through the trouble of having him arrested unless there was more behind it, like your son has lied to him before.

  8. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I'd also like to know if this is juvenile probation or adult. If it's juvenile, you can be pulled in, too, so be very careful- it's a catch 22 and Star and DDD are correct about their perceptions of many of them. That being said, it sounds like your son 1) missed a meeting with his PO, 2) left the jurisdiction without the PO's knowledge or permission, and 3) ignored contact with his PO. That alone, even if he didn't do anything else, is plenty enough to violate him and take him before a judge. If I understand correctly, he's been living in another jurisdiction and never informed the PO to transfer his case???? Well, there's trouble. The PO would get into trouble if he/she didn't address that. PO's tend to think their main job is to tell people what to do- their authority in that area is actually limited*. Their primary job is to "monitor" where people are and what they are doing (working vs breaking the law, for example) and that is what they can take someone before a judge on, quickly. At least that has been my experience as a parent of a juvenile who's been in the system for 6 years.

    *The authority is limited unless ordered by a judge at the trial/in court or unless it's actually parole instead of probation AND the requirement was a condition of being released on parole. They can require either employment or full-time enrollment in school for a certain period of time in order to be released from probation/parole.
  9. I truly appreciate all the feed back. I have updated the crisis with my difficult child and added more details on another thread. Lol to the cop stories, i totally agree, they sometimes will gain your trust only to use it against you.
  10. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Never, ever trust a cop. I was taught that, rather had it drummed into my head before kindergarden.

    Now to be fair, some truly are not that way. I know because I've known a few, personally, and know they aren't that way unless they are forced to be by circumstance. But like Star said, they have no clue the background.........soooo, yeah. Better to play it safe.

    Me? I give them nuthin. Unless I call/come to them. Not a darn thing. I won't get in their way. I won't protect my kid or anyone else. But my mouth stays zipped, even when they ask.