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Substance Abuse
How do parents deal with the pain?
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 678151" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Tia I am so sorry. We rely on these professionals to step in and help, but they can only do so much........</p><p>I was a d c. I went off the rails at around 14. My parents sent me to a therapist at 16. I lied through my teeth. I fooled her into thinking I was clean, just smoked pot now and then. Well, I wasn't just doing pot. I was self destructing, partying, doing anything and everything I could get my hands on. I thought my parents were stupid. They didn't have a clue, I thought the therapist was stupid. They relied on what I told them......... Tia, I didn't give a hoot about my parents then. I finally woke up at 18, and spent the next 10 years apologizing, every time I saw them.</p><p> You are right to fear for the safety of your home with your daughter there. I would not give her a key. REALLY. I would put hidden cameras there. Drug addicts lie, steal and manipulate. I am sorry, my two are addicts also. They didn't care about the danger they put everyone in. They only cared about the next high.</p><p> You are right again, no one can live like this. I am glad you see it.</p><p> It is not for you to run. It is for you to stand up and face it. It seems impossible with your older girl and hubby not on board. But you have to stand up. You are the champion here. I know, it is terrible. It happened to me. I had to fight everybody's delusions, because my eyes finally opened to the truth. I started by going to a therapist, to get my head on straight. It helps Tia, they are professionals and have resources. They are not all like the hospital psychiatrist.</p><p> You are not turning your backs on your little girl, you are turning around to face exactly what she is doing. YOU are looking at it with clarity and understanding that it is unacceptable. You are NOT letting your love blind you to the fact that she is spinning down the wrong path and taking you all with her.</p><p>Even if your hubby and daughter do not see things, you do.</p><p>Stand up.</p><p>Keep posting, it helps to get it out, it is all too toxic to hold in.</p><p>Take good care of yourself. Stay strong.</p><p>Your daughter will use the division to her advantage. She will make you the bad guy.</p><p>It is called triangulation, LEARN about it, so that you can recognize it.</p><p>You are a warrior now, warriors train hard for the battle.</p><p>How do we train?</p><p>We educate ourselves.</p><p>We learn as much as we can about addiction and enabling.</p><p></p><p>This is what you can do, <em>while you are waiting for your hubby to understand</em>, because we all understand that it is a process and<em> not everyone is on the same place in the journey.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>One day, one step at a time.</em></p><p>Turn the focus on YOU and build yourself up as best you can, put on your shield and bolster your armory with knowledge and self care.</p><p>You are a warrior, and you are fighting for your right to self preserve and make your home your sanctuary.</p><p></p><p>Stay strong and take very good care of yourself.</p><p>You are not alone, we are all standing with you, by your side.</p><p></p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 678151, member: 19522"] Tia I am so sorry. We rely on these professionals to step in and help, but they can only do so much........ I was a d c. I went off the rails at around 14. My parents sent me to a therapist at 16. I lied through my teeth. I fooled her into thinking I was clean, just smoked pot now and then. Well, I wasn't just doing pot. I was self destructing, partying, doing anything and everything I could get my hands on. I thought my parents were stupid. They didn't have a clue, I thought the therapist was stupid. They relied on what I told them......... Tia, I didn't give a hoot about my parents then. I finally woke up at 18, and spent the next 10 years apologizing, every time I saw them. You are right to fear for the safety of your home with your daughter there. I would not give her a key. REALLY. I would put hidden cameras there. Drug addicts lie, steal and manipulate. I am sorry, my two are addicts also. They didn't care about the danger they put everyone in. They only cared about the next high. You are right again, no one can live like this. I am glad you see it. It is not for you to run. It is for you to stand up and face it. It seems impossible with your older girl and hubby not on board. But you have to stand up. You are the champion here. I know, it is terrible. It happened to me. I had to fight everybody's delusions, because my eyes finally opened to the truth. I started by going to a therapist, to get my head on straight. It helps Tia, they are professionals and have resources. They are not all like the hospital psychiatrist. You are not turning your backs on your little girl, you are turning around to face exactly what she is doing. YOU are looking at it with clarity and understanding that it is unacceptable. You are NOT letting your love blind you to the fact that she is spinning down the wrong path and taking you all with her. Even if your hubby and daughter do not see things, you do. Stand up. Keep posting, it helps to get it out, it is all too toxic to hold in. Take good care of yourself. Stay strong. Your daughter will use the division to her advantage. She will make you the bad guy. It is called triangulation, LEARN about it, so that you can recognize it. You are a warrior now, warriors train hard for the battle. How do we train? We educate ourselves. We learn as much as we can about addiction and enabling. This is what you can do, [I]while you are waiting for your hubby to understand[/I], because we all understand that it is a process and[I] not everyone is on the same place in the journey. One day, one step at a time.[/I] Turn the focus on YOU and build yourself up as best you can, put on your shield and bolster your armory with knowledge and self care. You are a warrior, and you are fighting for your right to self preserve and make your home your sanctuary. Stay strong and take very good care of yourself. You are not alone, we are all standing with you, by your side. (((HUGS))) leafy [/QUOTE]
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