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How do u handle "It's not FAIR"??
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<blockquote data-quote="JJJ" data-source="post: 421827" data-attributes="member: 1169"><p>We have the same issues here. When Tigger was younger, if I had to get the housework done quickly, the other two would be given chores and Tigger's job was to sit on the couch and stay out of the way. Now that he is older, he keeps saying that he doesn't need a chore cause he's great at the one we already gave him <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p><p></p><p>A little bit of Marxism can help here.."from each according to his abilities, to each according to his needs". I think this requires a 1:1 conversation with each child as the approach will be different with each one.</p><p></p><p>12yr old: I know that you are frustrated that the younger kids don't have the same responsibilities that you do. I really appreciate that you (clean your room so well, do the dishes each night, etc). easy child 2 is just a little bit younger than you and is doing a lot of things too but difficult child is only 7 and I know you get mad when it seems like she gets away with things. difficult child's brain doesn't work like your brain does. It takes longer for her to learn things and if we try and rush her, it'd be the same as asking you to drive to the store to get some milk. It just wouldn't work. Eventually, she will be able to do all the things that you can, just like one day you will be able to drive to the store to get the milk. Since we are a family, we all need to work together to help each other. It would be great if you could be kind to difficult child and help her while she is learning things that are hard for her. I also want to do something nice for you since you are such a big help for me. I would like to (take you for a girls day to get our nails done, etc). </p><p></p><p>Have a similar conversation with the 10 year old. </p><p></p><p>For the 7 year old, break everything into tiny pieces, ex. if she helps you clean her room, have a mini "dance party" when you blast your stereo and act goofy with her. If there is some "big kid" thing that she really wants to do, try and figure out if you can modify it for her (for example, if she really wants to go the park without you cause she "isn't a baby", maybe you can hire a young teen to take her so she is still supervised but not by a parent.</p><p></p><p>I can frequently be heard tying their good behavior to their positive rewards. "Piglet, it helped me so much that you cleaned the kitchen while I was in the shower. It makes it so easy to take the time to drive you to your friend's house." "Eeyore, I am so proud of the young man you have become, you showed such patience with Tigger when he was crying." "Tigger, you did your homework so you get to go play at M's house. Do you want me or Piglet to walk you there?" (course, he wants to walk alone but he prefers Piglet since it is less embarrasing to be seen with your sister than your mom).</p><p></p><p>Don't worry about saying the wrong thing. You love all 3 of the girls so you aren't going to say anything awful and you will get lots of chances to have the discussion again!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JJJ, post: 421827, member: 1169"] We have the same issues here. When Tigger was younger, if I had to get the housework done quickly, the other two would be given chores and Tigger's job was to sit on the couch and stay out of the way. Now that he is older, he keeps saying that he doesn't need a chore cause he's great at the one we already gave him ;) A little bit of Marxism can help here.."from each according to his abilities, to each according to his needs". I think this requires a 1:1 conversation with each child as the approach will be different with each one. 12yr old: I know that you are frustrated that the younger kids don't have the same responsibilities that you do. I really appreciate that you (clean your room so well, do the dishes each night, etc). easy child 2 is just a little bit younger than you and is doing a lot of things too but difficult child is only 7 and I know you get mad when it seems like she gets away with things. difficult child's brain doesn't work like your brain does. It takes longer for her to learn things and if we try and rush her, it'd be the same as asking you to drive to the store to get some milk. It just wouldn't work. Eventually, she will be able to do all the things that you can, just like one day you will be able to drive to the store to get the milk. Since we are a family, we all need to work together to help each other. It would be great if you could be kind to difficult child and help her while she is learning things that are hard for her. I also want to do something nice for you since you are such a big help for me. I would like to (take you for a girls day to get our nails done, etc). Have a similar conversation with the 10 year old. For the 7 year old, break everything into tiny pieces, ex. if she helps you clean her room, have a mini "dance party" when you blast your stereo and act goofy with her. If there is some "big kid" thing that she really wants to do, try and figure out if you can modify it for her (for example, if she really wants to go the park without you cause she "isn't a baby", maybe you can hire a young teen to take her so she is still supervised but not by a parent. I can frequently be heard tying their good behavior to their positive rewards. "Piglet, it helped me so much that you cleaned the kitchen while I was in the shower. It makes it so easy to take the time to drive you to your friend's house." "Eeyore, I am so proud of the young man you have become, you showed such patience with Tigger when he was crying." "Tigger, you did your homework so you get to go play at M's house. Do you want me or Piglet to walk you there?" (course, he wants to walk alone but he prefers Piglet since it is less embarrasing to be seen with your sister than your mom). Don't worry about saying the wrong thing. You love all 3 of the girls so you aren't going to say anything awful and you will get lots of chances to have the discussion again! [/QUOTE]
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