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<blockquote data-quote="firehorsewoman" data-source="post: 536378"><p>Thanks Pigless. Yes it is convenient for the ex to blame me and one of our "last straws" when it came to our marriage. At the last psychiatrist appointment several weeks ago, when ex was going on again about how difficult child does not exhibit the meltdowns etc at his house, I suggested that he have 100% custody of difficult child. If I am the problem, then you can have him for the sake of all of us. He quickly started back peddling. The psychiatrist, as usual just sat there staring at us. </p><p>After the e-mail from him, I asked the ex to call doctors last week suggesting that we might want to: 1.tell his doctors (admit that there are problems at both homes) 2. Try a different medication 3. try therapy yet again before sending difficult child to a live-in facility. I reminded him that the doctors are under the impression that all is well at his house. He replied by saying that of course the doctors know there are problems at both home or why would be going there? What???? Okay, whatever dude. After you sit there time after time and tell them that the only problem difficult child has is attention???</p><p>I don't think he called the doctors. I called and left a message for them on Thursday but did not hear back. </p><p></p><p>I suspect the wife is what is driving this. The ex mentioned twice in his e-mail that he will not sacrifice the happiness of his wife or easy child for difficult child. After 2.5 years of living with difficult child, I am sure the wife is starting to wear out. The honeymoon is over and the reality is setting in. The relationship between the wife and I is a strained one at best. We have zero communication between us. I prefer not to go into details regarding that but in case someone out there suggests working with her on this I can tell you that it ain't gonna happen anytime soon. </p><p></p><p>Thanks for your suggestions. I prefer to ignore and/or not overreact to the inappropriate language and behavior. That seems to work the best with him. I have had very little success with the reward thing over the years. I think we started with that approach when he was two years old (when the first of many well meaning, yet annoying, family members bought us a sticker chart!) and a I see little success with it although they see more success at school with this approach. For me I think it sets him up for failure most days and he requires a huge payout for it to be even somewhat effective. Even then, results in very little regarding the duration the good behavior lasts. At the grocery store I calmly told him to put his penis back in his pants and quietly and quickly discussed how such behavior is not appropriate and could get him or me into trouble with the law if it continues. I find that staying calm and not overreacting to him helps me as much as him. I just cannot maintain a high level of drama even if internally I am upset. As far as the frequency of difficult child saying inappropriate things, I would say that it is persistent but random.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="firehorsewoman, post: 536378"] Thanks Pigless. Yes it is convenient for the ex to blame me and one of our "last straws" when it came to our marriage. At the last psychiatrist appointment several weeks ago, when ex was going on again about how difficult child does not exhibit the meltdowns etc at his house, I suggested that he have 100% custody of difficult child. If I am the problem, then you can have him for the sake of all of us. He quickly started back peddling. The psychiatrist, as usual just sat there staring at us. After the e-mail from him, I asked the ex to call doctors last week suggesting that we might want to: 1.tell his doctors (admit that there are problems at both homes) 2. Try a different medication 3. try therapy yet again before sending difficult child to a live-in facility. I reminded him that the doctors are under the impression that all is well at his house. He replied by saying that of course the doctors know there are problems at both home or why would be going there? What???? Okay, whatever dude. After you sit there time after time and tell them that the only problem difficult child has is attention??? I don't think he called the doctors. I called and left a message for them on Thursday but did not hear back. I suspect the wife is what is driving this. The ex mentioned twice in his e-mail that he will not sacrifice the happiness of his wife or easy child for difficult child. After 2.5 years of living with difficult child, I am sure the wife is starting to wear out. The honeymoon is over and the reality is setting in. The relationship between the wife and I is a strained one at best. We have zero communication between us. I prefer not to go into details regarding that but in case someone out there suggests working with her on this I can tell you that it ain't gonna happen anytime soon. Thanks for your suggestions. I prefer to ignore and/or not overreact to the inappropriate language and behavior. That seems to work the best with him. I have had very little success with the reward thing over the years. I think we started with that approach when he was two years old (when the first of many well meaning, yet annoying, family members bought us a sticker chart!) and a I see little success with it although they see more success at school with this approach. For me I think it sets him up for failure most days and he requires a huge payout for it to be even somewhat effective. Even then, results in very little regarding the duration the good behavior lasts. At the grocery store I calmly told him to put his penis back in his pants and quietly and quickly discussed how such behavior is not appropriate and could get him or me into trouble with the law if it continues. I find that staying calm and not overreacting to him helps me as much as him. I just cannot maintain a high level of drama even if internally I am upset. As far as the frequency of difficult child saying inappropriate things, I would say that it is persistent but random. [/QUOTE]
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