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How do we all survive this?
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<blockquote data-quote="firehorsewoman" data-source="post: 536386"><p>No worries HelpAngel. You did not write anything that was insensitive nor taken the wrong way. It is hard to say what is more challenging: living full-time with both kids yet not dealing with an abusive, non-supportive ex at all vs having to deal with him but getting a break from the kids several days per week. If I could chose I would chose not ever having to deal with my ex for the rest of my life but maybe that is just the "grass is greener" side of me? How would I cope with difficult child all alone 100% of the time? Both situations are difficult. The ideal would be for all of us to have men that are supportive of us, shared in the responsibility and that were part of the solution and not part of the problem. That is the real fantasy situation I would like. </p><p></p><p>Yes, it is frustrating being in the situation I am in with difficult child's father but at least I am not living in the same home with him anymore. Still, I hate being blamed for doing a responsible thing like providing my children with appropriate sex education. I must add that I sent their father a link to the book prior to purchasing it and also brought the book to him to read prior to me reading it with the kids. He had little to say at the time but when he got the phone call from the school immediately blamed me and the book.</p><p></p><p>I think I can sum up our relationship best by relaying this: In April the ex was away on vacation for a week and I had the children. His mother was "monitoring" me and we had a disagreement regarding two decisions I made regarding my son. When my ex returned, he told me, "when the cat's away the mice will play" I pointed out to him that idiom is used in superior/subordinate relationship and how inappropriate it was for him to say that to me. That pretty much sums up the situation with him and his mother. I am treated like a babysitter that screws up not their mother. During that same week, difficult child told me, "_____ (stepmother's name) is right, you are a piece of ****." I discussed this with the ex during the psychiatrist appointment. He was not happy that I brought this up in front of psychiatrists. But they need to have all the information I think. I don't like that they are led to believe that ADHD is all we are dealing with. At that point they suggested therapy (we have not had good results with this-see other post about this) again. </p><p></p><p>I do think that difficult child has sensory issues and his neurologist thought so too. She was great but we no longer have access to her. During his 504 meeting two weeks ago one of his teachers agreed. She told me how affected he is by the noise her computer makes and confirmed what I already know about him hating to wear shoes. She told me that they allow him to earn "stinky feet" time (time without shoes.) I have dropped the ball over the years by not following up with an Occupational Therapist (OT). The school district folks says that he doesn't qualify for an Occupational Therapist (OT) evaluation since he doesn't have an IEP. I do think that part of his nudity thing is sensory but another part of it is impulsiveness. Especially in public. Did Occupational Therapist (OT) help your difficult children? </p><p></p><p>I do try to take good care of myself. I agree with all the little suggestions you write about as many times the little things really add up to our survival. We all need as much self-compassion as we can get.</p><p></p><p>thanks again</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="firehorsewoman, post: 536386"] No worries HelpAngel. You did not write anything that was insensitive nor taken the wrong way. It is hard to say what is more challenging: living full-time with both kids yet not dealing with an abusive, non-supportive ex at all vs having to deal with him but getting a break from the kids several days per week. If I could chose I would chose not ever having to deal with my ex for the rest of my life but maybe that is just the "grass is greener" side of me? How would I cope with difficult child all alone 100% of the time? Both situations are difficult. The ideal would be for all of us to have men that are supportive of us, shared in the responsibility and that were part of the solution and not part of the problem. That is the real fantasy situation I would like. Yes, it is frustrating being in the situation I am in with difficult child's father but at least I am not living in the same home with him anymore. Still, I hate being blamed for doing a responsible thing like providing my children with appropriate sex education. I must add that I sent their father a link to the book prior to purchasing it and also brought the book to him to read prior to me reading it with the kids. He had little to say at the time but when he got the phone call from the school immediately blamed me and the book. I think I can sum up our relationship best by relaying this: In April the ex was away on vacation for a week and I had the children. His mother was "monitoring" me and we had a disagreement regarding two decisions I made regarding my son. When my ex returned, he told me, "when the cat's away the mice will play" I pointed out to him that idiom is used in superior/subordinate relationship and how inappropriate it was for him to say that to me. That pretty much sums up the situation with him and his mother. I am treated like a babysitter that screws up not their mother. During that same week, difficult child told me, "_____ (stepmother's name) is right, you are a piece of ****." I discussed this with the ex during the psychiatrist appointment. He was not happy that I brought this up in front of psychiatrists. But they need to have all the information I think. I don't like that they are led to believe that ADHD is all we are dealing with. At that point they suggested therapy (we have not had good results with this-see other post about this) again. I do think that difficult child has sensory issues and his neurologist thought so too. She was great but we no longer have access to her. During his 504 meeting two weeks ago one of his teachers agreed. She told me how affected he is by the noise her computer makes and confirmed what I already know about him hating to wear shoes. She told me that they allow him to earn "stinky feet" time (time without shoes.) I have dropped the ball over the years by not following up with an Occupational Therapist (OT). The school district folks says that he doesn't qualify for an Occupational Therapist (OT) evaluation since he doesn't have an IEP. I do think that part of his nudity thing is sensory but another part of it is impulsiveness. Especially in public. Did Occupational Therapist (OT) help your difficult children? I do try to take good care of myself. I agree with all the little suggestions you write about as many times the little things really add up to our survival. We all need as much self-compassion as we can get. thanks again [/QUOTE]
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