How do you become a positive thinker?

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by tinamarie1, Aug 25, 2007.

  1. tinamarie1

    tinamarie1 Member

    I know that may seem like a silly question. When husband wanted to join the navy nurse corp, I was excited...all positive about moving to a new place, making new friends, becoming involved in the community and not having to work anymore. When you work, you sit around thinking of all the fabulous stuff you could be doing if you only didn't have to work. Well, when we moved here, catastrophes became the order of the day. Our dream house has major problems with every thing from the air conditioner not working to a major bug infestation. husband and I were in a bad car accident, and then his new truck broke down and we were stranded on the other side of town. I just find myself thinking ok, this is it..I am doomed to a life of he*( living in Virginia. With all this drama, it makes me miss my family 1,000 times more. You are always there for each other, ya know?
    I spent this whole week laying in my pjs in bed all day long, every single day. No makeup (very little showering)...I would get out of bed only to cook dinner. I am afraid of this becoming permenant and depression creeping in.
    I tried to find a counselor to go to, but I had a nervous break down with my insurance company over it. They (the military run ins co-- Tricare) says that I have to first go see a general practicioner and if they feel i need counseling they can refer me to someone who it may take months to get in to see. ack!
    Anyway, I guess I just need to rant a little and have a few of you guys tell me how to snap the heck out of this.
     
  2. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    It is hard... when husband moved us to Indiana I did not want to go!!! But I tried to make it work. It was so lonely at times though. I knew no-one. K was just really starting to be a difficult child... it was all my fault according to his family.
    The 4 years we were there I never really made any friends because I was so worried about K and what was going on and my own anxieties...

    When I came back to Idaho I realized, I was still isolated, I still didn't have any family, really any friendsw ,ho would be here through all of this!!! WIth husband gone all of the time, I am alone a lot...
    I had to find happiness and the positive in myself. From working on the house, yard, reading, coming here, gardening,swimming, bike rides, walks, farmers market... all the little things... most with the girls. But I try to find something good about each day.
    Today was so hard... alone, tiring, K was very unstable... violent. But I did finish a project in the yard and I started going through my closets, I vow to get rid of the clothes I do not wear!!!
    So I am exhausted... but not feeling hopeless. I found a few good things about the day!!! I can't think about all of the bad, it will eat me up. One day at a time and you can only do so much.
    You have to find your inner calm and happiness.
     
  3. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I started reiterating my good thoughts. For example, if a pretty flower caught my eye and I thought "Wow, that's pretty", I'd stop myself and think "Yes, it really is pretty, and I really enjoy seeing it."

    Once you start to consciously notice the nice things that around you, you will begin to realize that there really are a lot of nice things out there and that they are better to dwell upon than the not nice things. difficult children don't make it easy, for sure, but you have to savor those nice moments for yourself. Then you can start looking at the things that you take for granted, or even some of the things that normally make you unhappy, and find something worthwhile in it.

    I know that it sounds horribly Pollyanna-ish, but it's really true. It's all in how you look at things, and in finding something nice to say or do for others. Like waving at a neighbor and saying hello, or letting someone back out of a parking space or pull out of a parking lot into traffic in front of you. You'll feel better about yourself, and that's the person that you have to feel good about.

    Good luck!
     
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    When I uprooted and moved to ohio with husband I nearly went nuts with homesickness for the first couple of years. My family was 2 states away. And husband's family were basically strangers.

    In a moment of despair, and there were many, I called my sis who had also moved out of state and asked her advice. Since I had young kids at the time she told me to get out and meet the neighbors. Making friends help make you feel more settled and at home. She also said to get out and get to know the area.

    I thought she was crazy. lol But it worked. It was hard for me cuz when I was young I was horribly shy.

    Still, husband and I've been married 24 yrs. We've moved on average of every 2 to 3 yrs during that time, not always in the same town. I used this technique everytime and it helped me to settle in faster. Helped the kids too as they often made friends quicker.

    After about 4 yrs over here, you couldn't pay me to move back home. Heck, I cringe at the thought of visiting the place. lol
     
  5. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Not only did you move to a new place, but you are new to the stay at home mom routine.

    Maybe you should get a part time job when school is in session - perhaps volunteer at the school - or one of the schools in town. That way you know you will be home on the same days as difficult child & easy child.

    Or - focus on being a stay at home mom - it must be incredibly difficult to stay on task. Make your home seem like a job. Make a job description and plan your work for each day. Make it so you have one day to lounge if you enjoy it now and then. Or make it so weekends are free to spend with your family with no laundry or chores for you to do.

    Give it time. You will be OK.

    I really do not see this as being a negative person - just a bump in the road really.

     
  6. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    When things get really bad for me, I will allow myself time to wallow and lick my wounds...a day or a weekend, whatever I need...sometimes it's one day a month or more often and other times I don't need to do it for several months at a time. When that time is over, I force those thoughts out of my head. When they try to intrude I force myself to think of something else. I force myself to smile at people and be (somewhat) cheery. I force myself to see the pretty flowers that witzend mentioned (good idea there). It sounds really corny, but it works. Fake it until you make it. It works.
     
  7. tinamarie1

    tinamarie1 Member

    Thanks you guys for the really good advice. When I feel like I have no one, it is always good to come back here and feel grounded again. (I try to come here more often than those desperate times though:)
    We went to church last night, and it seemed as though the sermon was written specifically for me! He talked about changes in our life and seeing them as if we are put in certain places for a reason and using those times to help others, get involved, etc. It was really uplifting.
    I have volunteered at the Navy Marine corps relief society at the hospital that husband works at, for now just once a week, and then I will see what opportunites are at the kids schools.
    thanks so much again for the wonderful advice.
    tina
     
  8. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    go to the GP doctor as well just to get someone to talk to and some more advice.
     
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