I'll try again, although I've tried before and gotten no response.
You have adopted a child from another country at an older age. Not only does he probably have attachment issues, but his birthmother may have done some drinking during her pregnancy, which could put him on the fetal alcohol spectrum. She could have serious mental illness which he could have inherited. He needs MORE assessment than you'd give a child who was born to you in which you have a good family history and an understanding that he'd had good prenatal care before he was born.
(I agree)
Did he spend time in an orphanage? If so, the possibility that he has attachment issues multiplies.
(No. He was with the same foster mother from birth through 27 months of age)
I agree strongly that he needs help from somebody who SPECIALIZES in helping adopted kids.
(I do believe he has some trust issues as a result of his adoption, but I don't necessarily believe that he is suffering any form of attachment disorder)
Is your other child a biological child?
(Yes)
Did your agency warn you that adopting an older child from an underdeveloped country could result in problems with the child? I get upset because so many agencies really downplay that, then the child comes and the parents are shocked and unsure of what to do. And if you adopt internationally, as we did twice, there is no real help after the adoption.
(We set out to adopt an infant and our agency so terribly mishandled the adoption that we brought home a two year old by default. It took two years post referral to bring him home and that was with us completing the process in country without our agency. We think they should have been shut down for the mishandling of not only our case but several others. We ended up settling with them agreeing to never again work with the particular attorney who caused most of the problems. Very long story, but we knew we wouldn't be getting any support from them after the adoption as we had none during.)
I would take Carlos to a neuropsychologist to have him tested in all areas. It sounds...and I could be wrong...that perhaps you want desperately to feel that Carlos is a normal kid. I always got the feeling that you didn't want to know about possible organic issues (alcohol?) or the really severe possibilities.
(I do want him to live a normal life. I am a bit afraid of getting a serious diagnosis and being strong armed into heavy treatments I may not agree with.)
If so, I understand (truly), but I still think it's a good idea to go all out and see more than just the psychiatrist who isn't helping him. Neurological stuff could be going on. NeuroPsychs are psychologists with special training in the brain. They do 6-10 hour evaluations are are really good at pinpointing problems that others miss. All kinds of organic problems in the brain can cause a lack of remorse and, then again, he may have remorse and be unable to express it. He is very young but he needs intervention NOW.
(I'm not opposed to the evaluation at all, but what exactly are they looking for? I feel pretty certain about what we're dealing with, not because the psychiatrists say so, but because my gut says so.)
I probably wrote all this before, but I thought I'd give it another try. Good luck, whatever you decide to do.