In looking back, I can see symptoms of Asperger's, but so mild they could have flown under the radar until he hit a level (He's a junior) where he can no longer fly on his ability to "get by."
Jan, that is a very common finding. And because they coped for so long, it still often misses diagnosis. A kid I know (son of my stalker, actually) is a classic case - my kids have been friends with him, I used to be close to his parents (until dad went more weird than usual!) and he had language delay, was a bit odd, but as an only child, they had no point for comparison and indulged him. If you indulge these kids (ie let them have control) you have far fewer problems. As this kid grew up, he was accelerated at school (elementary) although dad had to really push hard and bully this through. The kid had extension lessons and a lot of coaching (parents had money to throw at it) but middle high school, he hit the learning wall.
Whenever I've met the kid to talk to, he's classic Aspie. I think that's why he and my kids got on so well. He's turned out well anyway, I am not in much contact now (although I was taking to him superficially a few weeks ago). He's found his niche, again thanks to parental money and support. I'd like to know more, but you can understand, I do not seek these people out and certainly cannot share any personal information about our family - the dad really is weird and uses this information as currency, distorting it as he goes.
It doesn't always take money to get a good result, but it helps. And sometimes money won't fix it, a lot of what is needed can be done by you at home. I don't think this kid has an Aspie diagnosis, I think he will be like our friend from church, getting a diagnosis much later in life for the things that can't be fixed (the sensory stuff especially). The sensory stuff can be managed and desensitised if you actively work at it with therapy. if you don't, the problems continue indefinitely with it. It all depends on how much it is a problem anyway.
Jan, I say to you what I have said to others - if you have a child like this, remember they are socially immature. This is more complex than immature behaviour (too often, teachers use the word "immature" when they mean "chronologically young"). This is about how the child sees himself in relation to the world. Often when they have some level of social deficit, they revert (or take longer to leave) to a stage of egocentricity. It connects to theory of mind issues, although the older ones do have theory of mind, especially if they have to stop and reason it out. I quickly tested difficult child 3 the other day for conservation. Yes, sometimes the Piaget conservation tests are much delayed in progress in these kids too. Although sometimes they are precocious in this - it relates more to egocentricity than conservation. But a quick test of difficult child 3 - instantly understands conservation. He looked at me like I was nuts, it was funny. Bur theory of mind - test your son with this, see how well or not he can manage it.
The thing with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) - it is DELAY in certain areas of brain development. It is not permanent dysfunction. You can't force the brain to mature faster than it can, but you can certainly help things along as much as possible and be there to grab every brain-related opportunity.
I was talking about egocentricity - this is not just a feature, it is a coping strategy (like so much of what you will see). So use it as your tool - make it relevant to your son. Show him how it is to his advantage to do something. You have to be prepared to compromise, but as you do compromise with him, you are teaching hi how to compromise - surely he needs this?
Remember all the time in your dealings with him - he learns from you by imitation. Never try to control him, or he will do it back to you (because isn't that what you want? It is how you showed him...). Instead, lead him, support him, discuss with him and listen to him. The more you listen to him, hopefully the more he will learn how to listen.
Marg
