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how do you deal with the feelings of guilt?
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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 144136" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>'Nette, I read your story and it breaks my heart. The little ones that you already have. The infant that has already been harmed by adults that are supposed to protect. The daughter too selfish and foolish to see what the world has to offer her. The mother/grandmother bearing all of this guilt because of her daughter's choices. As has been said, the blame does not lay on anything you ever did, ever will do or ever could have done. Your daughter chose her path. She can still choose the right path, that is up to her. However, so long as she refuses to accept responsibility, her path will be a very hard and rocky one. That's. her. choice.</p><p> </p><p>When my daughter was in Residential Treatment Center (RTC), I had one major rule -- I would happily talk to her however long she wanted so long as the conversation was not disrespecful or manipulative. The second it became either of those, I would hang up. It hurt. I missed my daughter's voice but it was necessary. She was where she was for good reason. Nothing was going to change that fact. Your daughter is where she is for even better reasons. If she tries to make you feel guilty, becomes rude and disrespectful, it is time for you to hang up. A good-bye or an I love you probably isn't even necessary (but you'll probably feel better for saying it), just a disconnecting of the phone. If it gets too expensive in either actual or emotional costs, tell your daughter to write -- it will give her something to do.</p><p> </p><p>For now, many hugs to you. You're doing a great thing in raising your grandchildren. When it gets to be too much, come here and we'll hold your hand.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 144136, member: 3626"] 'Nette, I read your story and it breaks my heart. The little ones that you already have. The infant that has already been harmed by adults that are supposed to protect. The daughter too selfish and foolish to see what the world has to offer her. The mother/grandmother bearing all of this guilt because of her daughter's choices. As has been said, the blame does not lay on anything you ever did, ever will do or ever could have done. Your daughter chose her path. She can still choose the right path, that is up to her. However, so long as she refuses to accept responsibility, her path will be a very hard and rocky one. That's. her. choice. When my daughter was in Residential Treatment Center (RTC), I had one major rule -- I would happily talk to her however long she wanted so long as the conversation was not disrespecful or manipulative. The second it became either of those, I would hang up. It hurt. I missed my daughter's voice but it was necessary. She was where she was for good reason. Nothing was going to change that fact. Your daughter is where she is for even better reasons. If she tries to make you feel guilty, becomes rude and disrespectful, it is time for you to hang up. A good-bye or an I love you probably isn't even necessary (but you'll probably feel better for saying it), just a disconnecting of the phone. If it gets too expensive in either actual or emotional costs, tell your daughter to write -- it will give her something to do. For now, many hugs to you. You're doing a great thing in raising your grandchildren. When it gets to be too much, come here and we'll hold your hand. [/QUOTE]
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how do you deal with the feelings of guilt?
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