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How do you deal with your difficult child's insults, etc?
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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 493113" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>Thanks for your comments.</p><p>Just to clarify: J has never watched television in the evening. He doesn't watch it at all on school days. But this being holidays, he has been watching it as a treat, at home and at the childminder's. And he just gets... compulsive about it. So now my TV has mysteriously broken down, which it has before, and he has just accepted that. What he does do a lot of is listen to audio stories on the computer - no pictures, just a voice narrating. These are great, and he has been introduced to some of the Greek myths, for example. The story of Cyclops, the one-eyed giant (who ate Odysseus's men and was blinded by Odysseus) is his favourite and he amazed me the other day by reciting the whole story, which is long, with great chunks of the text word for word - some complex vocabulary and no way I can remember it like that... And obviously I read him stories too.</p><p>I was very interested in your strategy, exhausted. Do you mean that the child enacts a consequence on the toy, rather than undergoing it him/herself? Or have I misunderstood? I really liked what you said about ending the negative loop. </p><p>My gut tells me that consequences in the conventional sense are never going to work for J. He does have kindness, respect for others and responsibility within him and it seems that this is facilitated by positive means, never by negative ones. But I do want there to be some sense of something happening as a result of him being aggressive, etc. Not in a punitive sense but because he needs to understand that an unacceptable boundary has been crossed. I am going to think of how to tackle this and sit down with him to agree consequences for extreme behaviours. I favour doing something constructive within the house, for example. The heart of the problem lies in J's inability to control his impulses and emotions. I think this is also related to his anxiety. Things escalate needlessly to the "red zone" all the time and immediately... This morning, for example, he began shouting and wailing because I said that I had put a football shirt he wanted in the laundry basket. One would have said the house was on fire. When I very calmly and gently said "J, it doesn't matter, it's okay, we'll just get it out again", he calmed down straightaway. Some sort of anxiety about not having things at once or seeing them, I don't know... He also has difficulty seeing other people's viewpoints - not conceptually or even empathetically but in the sense that he cannot or does not want to see that other people's needs are in any way important <strong>when they rival his own</strong>. This is one of his main social skills deficits, I would say. At the moment he has friends at school and the leisure centre, but is this going to get harder as children mature and want more genuine co-operation in their relationships? More genuine friendship, that is...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 493113, member: 11227"] Thanks for your comments. Just to clarify: J has never watched television in the evening. He doesn't watch it at all on school days. But this being holidays, he has been watching it as a treat, at home and at the childminder's. And he just gets... compulsive about it. So now my TV has mysteriously broken down, which it has before, and he has just accepted that. What he does do a lot of is listen to audio stories on the computer - no pictures, just a voice narrating. These are great, and he has been introduced to some of the Greek myths, for example. The story of Cyclops, the one-eyed giant (who ate Odysseus's men and was blinded by Odysseus) is his favourite and he amazed me the other day by reciting the whole story, which is long, with great chunks of the text word for word - some complex vocabulary and no way I can remember it like that... And obviously I read him stories too. I was very interested in your strategy, exhausted. Do you mean that the child enacts a consequence on the toy, rather than undergoing it him/herself? Or have I misunderstood? I really liked what you said about ending the negative loop. My gut tells me that consequences in the conventional sense are never going to work for J. He does have kindness, respect for others and responsibility within him and it seems that this is facilitated by positive means, never by negative ones. But I do want there to be some sense of something happening as a result of him being aggressive, etc. Not in a punitive sense but because he needs to understand that an unacceptable boundary has been crossed. I am going to think of how to tackle this and sit down with him to agree consequences for extreme behaviours. I favour doing something constructive within the house, for example. The heart of the problem lies in J's inability to control his impulses and emotions. I think this is also related to his anxiety. Things escalate needlessly to the "red zone" all the time and immediately... This morning, for example, he began shouting and wailing because I said that I had put a football shirt he wanted in the laundry basket. One would have said the house was on fire. When I very calmly and gently said "J, it doesn't matter, it's okay, we'll just get it out again", he calmed down straightaway. Some sort of anxiety about not having things at once or seeing them, I don't know... He also has difficulty seeing other people's viewpoints - not conceptually or even empathetically but in the sense that he cannot or does not want to see that other people's needs are in any way important [B]when they rival his own[/B]. This is one of his main social skills deficits, I would say. At the moment he has friends at school and the leisure centre, but is this going to get harder as children mature and want more genuine co-operation in their relationships? More genuine friendship, that is... [/QUOTE]
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