How do you evict 19 year old?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by verysad1645, Sep 16, 2009.

  1. verysad1645

    verysad1645 Guest

    My 19 year old has reactive attachment disorder. Went to counseling for "2" years. Not much change. When she was 17 she spent time in Juvenile Detention for assaulting me and vandalizing my home. At 18 she moved in with her boyfriend...it did not work out. She wanted to come back and we gave her another try hoping for the best. What a disaster. She is so defiant and disrespectful. One incident had us call the police to remove her (19 is an adult in Delaware) Right in front of her he said too bad, you have to support her and you better work it out with her. Now she rules the house. Doesn't respond to positive reinforcement or taking away privledges. She is failing the 12th grade and her guidance counselor said she can repeat it. Called local police station and officer said the cop that came to our house was wrong and that we can evict her even though she is in high school.

    We are so nervous to call the police if she becomes out of control again. If another cop tells her we have to keep her, then we are dead meat!

    Also afraid that if we go to court they will just say get more counseling. Enough is enough. We put up with extreme abuse and emotional anxiety for 3 years.

    Help!! Any suggestions.
     
  2. jbrain

    jbrain Member

    Is there any way of making life so miserable at your house she will want to leave? My difficult child 1 was 18 when I "kicked her out" and in my state you cannot do that. However, the DSS told me that I could have very strict rules on curfew, etc. and I need not provide anything beyond the very minimum as far as shelter went. When my dtr heard that she decided she did not want to come home after all.

    I really feel for you--others will come along with more advice. Welcome to our world!

    Jane
     
  3. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Hello and Welcome--

    I second what jbrain said...

    We make life way too cushy and comfy for our children sometimes--and then they don't even appreciate it!

    In my state parents are required to provide food, shelter and clothing for their children. Period. That's it. The law does not say anything about providing designer jeans, or a vehicle, or spending money, or cell phones, or televisions, or laundry services, or even the electricity to power a hair dryer! You cannot be fined, arrested or otherwise disciplined for not giving your child these luxuries.

    So make her earn them!

    Can't be courteous or follow house rules? Sorry, I'm not sharing my electricity with you this week...

    She will either shape up or ship out!

    Good luck!

    --DaisyFace
     
  4. dadside

    dadside New Member

    First - suggestions. If you can, find a therapeutic environment - hospital, school, other "program" where she might live and finish high school. Then talk to your local DSS and/or an attorney about having her go there or, in the case of more home violence (need to call police), be ordered by a judge to go there. At a minimum, some group home might be in order.

    As to whether or not you can evict her, Delaware law (59 Del. Laws, c. 567, § 1) says "Both parents have a duty to support their child over 18 years of age if such child is a student in high school and is likely to graduate. This duty ends when the child receives a high school diploma or attains age 19, whichever event first occurs." I'd check with an attorney on that before evicting in any case.
     
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    What a HORRIBLE law!!!

    Well, supporting her means making sure she has food and housing. I wouldn't give her any extra money and forget the cell phone, computer, car privledges and frills. At her age I'd buy her thrift shop clothing and nutritious food only. Forget the potato chips and ice cream. Maybe cut your TV temporarily to basic cable so hat she can't watch MTV or HBO. She is old enough to work part time. I would also call the cops if she's out after curfew. If she's a minor, she's a minor. I would definitely try to get her to move out on her own. Bet it wouldn't be that hard to do.
    If she is 19, and an attorney says it's a go, I'd pack her bags unless she is willing to go into residential treatment to get the help that she needs.
     
  6. lizanne2

    lizanne2 New Member

    Food Clothing Shelter and life sustaining medical care........................pretty much.

    Sending you some kind thoughts as I cannot imagin how hard this is!
     
  7. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    That law is part of the child support statute, so keep in mind it was written with that in mind. I'm not sure it applies in the situation where you want to evict your 19 year old child... but I am not an attorney. Definitely consult one on that issue.

    It IS possible to evict an adult child under your roof, at least in my state. The eviction process is the same as if they were a non-relative, you file paperwork with the court, and you must give 30 days notice etc.

    That being said, making her life miserable isn't a bad idea in the meantime. I know this may also make *you* miserable.. but sometimes you have to create a crisis to create change. That's how it happened in my house, unfortunately, when Oldest was 19 and "wouldn't" leave ... she finally freaked out one night and threw a chair at me, and was escorted out with the police.
     
  8. compassion

    compassion Member

    I would suggest gettign more support for YOU. Familes anonmous has been a big support for me . There is online group and meetings in sme cities. Al-anonis hlepful. A psycologist that will support your limits and needs helps a lot. Boundaries, boundaires,boundaries. Nami also helps. We are doing less all the time My difficult child is 16 and a half and has not lived here in awhile. The more boundaires I set , the more I sy no, th less resentful I am. Compassion
     
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    If the law above is true...what was written for DE, that your are only required to support her to age 19 or getting a HS diploma whichever comes first, then I think you are in the clear. You can evict.

    That said, I think the making life miserable is the way to go but also having her served with a nice legal 60 day eviction notice might be nice too. Give her 60 days so she has plenty of time to find a place.

    Just write a nice note saying you have 60 days from X date which is Y date to vacate our premises. Mail it certified mail to your home and have her sign for it. Then you have proof you mailed it.

    When that sixty days is up, make her leave. Call the cops and have her escorted off. She can take her stuff with her. What she doesnt take you can store for another period of time which has to be reasonable. You have to contact her and tell her what that period of time will be. Normally it is like 6 months. I think most parents keep most things for longer periods of time. Not absolute junk, but real stuff. I just found one of my kids 5th grade science fair awards...lol.
     
  10. RWHangel

    RWHangel New Member

    Wow I feel for you. I know that in NV the law states pretty much the same thing. My little sister has been a major trouble maker for a while and though she is under age still my parents have had to make life a living hell to get her to wake up. She actually called the cops on my parents once and the officer told my mom point blank the law requires you to provide a place to sleep (not necessarly even a bed but a place to sleep with a pillow and a blanket) 2 changes of clothes and 1 meal a day. So the next time she had one of her fits my mom cleared out her room boxed up all her clothes and put everything in the garage. She had to earn everything back and hated every minute of it but she is starting to realize that she had it pretty good before she started showing her rear end to everyone. I hope that helps.
     
  11. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    I would suggest you contact your local police station - when we were considering allowing our 18 y/o to move back home, I checked with- our local station re: eviction procedures for adult child in family home and was told I would have to go to county court house to file eviction notice, have him served, etc. It's really unfortunate that the laws vary so widely.

    If she's threatening, violent, or destroying property, please don't hesitate to call police. Removing her from the home (via arrest or having her transported to a hospital for a psychiatric evaluation) is not the same thing as evicting her. You have the right to be safe in your own home.

    I'm so very sorry you're going thru this.
     
  12. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    One thing I did find out is once they are gone...via arrest or whatever, you can have them served with a restraining order and they cant come back home. Sad but true. I almost did that but didnt. I think I went into a coma before I could do it...lol. I guess there are many things that my illness saved my family relationships from going through. It was such a shock to the family that it really woke everyone up. Kinda like using the paddles on the heart.
     
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