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Substance Abuse
How do you find joy?
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 604689" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>The thing that has helped me the most was finding a good parents alanon meeting... and starting to realize that I needed to focus on taking care of myself. </p><p></p><p>Do what you need to do for your son, whatever that is and then know you have done what you can. At some point his life is up to him. Part of this process is letting go of control and realizing you cant control his recovery r not.... and you didnt cause his drug use or bad behavior and you can't cure it.</p><p></p><p>For me part of it was making a conscious decision to not let my difficult child ruin my life. Sometimes I have to tell myself to just stop when I start ruminating about the past, feeling guilty or worrying about the future. I jsut say to myself "stop it, this is not helpful". </p><p></p><p>Fact is this may go on for awhile and you cannot live your life totally controlled by how your son is doing.</p><p></p><p>Now given all that, there are times when things are really hard and stressful and I am sure that is much much worse when they are young and living with you!!! I remember the great relief when we sent my son to a program and he was not at home... so it is harder to find joy when you are facing the tension and trauma every day at home. Find ways to find sanctuary even if it cant be at home.</p><p></p><p>I have times, like the last week, where it all feels like too much to handle and then sometimes it is a matter of gritting your teeth and through it.</p><p></p><p>But practice practice practice taking care of yourself and it gets easier to do so. And stop feeling guilty if you feel moments of happiness, you definitely deserve it. Just because he is miserable does not mean that you have to be. It hurts when our kids hurt, no question, but you still need to find a way to live your own life.</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 604689, member: 15801"] The thing that has helped me the most was finding a good parents alanon meeting... and starting to realize that I needed to focus on taking care of myself. Do what you need to do for your son, whatever that is and then know you have done what you can. At some point his life is up to him. Part of this process is letting go of control and realizing you cant control his recovery r not.... and you didnt cause his drug use or bad behavior and you can't cure it. For me part of it was making a conscious decision to not let my difficult child ruin my life. Sometimes I have to tell myself to just stop when I start ruminating about the past, feeling guilty or worrying about the future. I jsut say to myself "stop it, this is not helpful". Fact is this may go on for awhile and you cannot live your life totally controlled by how your son is doing. Now given all that, there are times when things are really hard and stressful and I am sure that is much much worse when they are young and living with you!!! I remember the great relief when we sent my son to a program and he was not at home... so it is harder to find joy when you are facing the tension and trauma every day at home. Find ways to find sanctuary even if it cant be at home. I have times, like the last week, where it all feels like too much to handle and then sometimes it is a matter of gritting your teeth and through it. But practice practice practice taking care of yourself and it gets easier to do so. And stop feeling guilty if you feel moments of happiness, you definitely deserve it. Just because he is miserable does not mean that you have to be. It hurts when our kids hurt, no question, but you still need to find a way to live your own life. TL [/QUOTE]
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