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How do you get them to care for themselves???
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<blockquote data-quote="Mikey" data-source="post: 131193" data-attributes="member: 3579"><p>Jo, I wish I knew the answer, as do many here. I think it's possible that we 'get in the way', but also I think that only inhibits (enhances?) the disinclination to take care of themselves that's already there; it doesn't cause it to happen.</p><p></p><p>Everyone's different, but with McWeedy I can honestly say that his brain works like a railroad where the tracks never connect. From one minute to the next, he can go from a thinking, funny, and intelligent young adult to a morose, sulking, defiant teen.</p><p></p><p>He can go from being scared to death waiting for a CAT scan to tell him if he has lung cancer, to smoking cigs and God-knows-what the next night when he's out with his friends. I mean, three different docs have told him that he will die from either emphysema or asthma before he's thirty if he doesn't stop smoking; yet, my wife regularly throws away packs of Camel Lights that he leaves in his pockets. Sheesh.....</p><p></p><p>I think that 'taking care of themselves' requires them to do what they can't do: see the consequences of their actions. For these kids, thinking about actions does NOT mean also considering the consequences. Consequently, they also don't think about the consequences of <strong>IN</strong>action, either.</p><p></p><p>For me, the fact that McW can't associate consequences with action (or inaction) before going forward makes him a poster child for the definition of "difficult child". </p><p></p><p>Point in case: McWeedy stayed home yesterday sick. Swollen glands, could barely talk, throat that feels like he swallowed lye, etc.. wife finally cajoled him into going to the doctor, who told him to drink lots of fluids, rest, and left with a scrip for some industrial-strength Biaxin XL (pills big enough to choke a hippo). McW's response? "Aw, those things don't work anyway, and I can't go to the pharmacy right now because I have to take my girlfriend out to dinner at Red Robin".</p><p></p><p>This morning, of course, he was back in bed moaning and groaning.</p><p></p><p>Again, I don't think there's anything you can "do" about it, any more than you can make a drug addict or alcoholic get sober when they don't want to. To me, it's all part of the same problem. I've long ago said goodbye to my son, in my heart. I don't stop fighting for him, I don't stop arguing with wife about him, but I feel the way the Russians must have felt during WWII; emotionally defeated, but fighting on and hoping for a miracle anyway. </p><p></p><p>Just my two pennies worth (I can make change, if you need a penny back because you feel short-changed...)</p><p></p><p>Mikey</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mikey, post: 131193, member: 3579"] Jo, I wish I knew the answer, as do many here. I think it's possible that we 'get in the way', but also I think that only inhibits (enhances?) the disinclination to take care of themselves that's already there; it doesn't cause it to happen. Everyone's different, but with McWeedy I can honestly say that his brain works like a railroad where the tracks never connect. From one minute to the next, he can go from a thinking, funny, and intelligent young adult to a morose, sulking, defiant teen. He can go from being scared to death waiting for a CAT scan to tell him if he has lung cancer, to smoking cigs and God-knows-what the next night when he's out with his friends. I mean, three different docs have told him that he will die from either emphysema or asthma before he's thirty if he doesn't stop smoking; yet, my wife regularly throws away packs of Camel Lights that he leaves in his pockets. Sheesh..... I think that 'taking care of themselves' requires them to do what they can't do: see the consequences of their actions. For these kids, thinking about actions does NOT mean also considering the consequences. Consequently, they also don't think about the consequences of [B]IN[/B]action, either. For me, the fact that McW can't associate consequences with action (or inaction) before going forward makes him a poster child for the definition of "difficult child". Point in case: McWeedy stayed home yesterday sick. Swollen glands, could barely talk, throat that feels like he swallowed lye, etc.. wife finally cajoled him into going to the doctor, who told him to drink lots of fluids, rest, and left with a scrip for some industrial-strength Biaxin XL (pills big enough to choke a hippo). McW's response? "Aw, those things don't work anyway, and I can't go to the pharmacy right now because I have to take my girlfriend out to dinner at Red Robin". This morning, of course, he was back in bed moaning and groaning. Again, I don't think there's anything you can "do" about it, any more than you can make a drug addict or alcoholic get sober when they don't want to. To me, it's all part of the same problem. I've long ago said goodbye to my son, in my heart. I don't stop fighting for him, I don't stop arguing with wife about him, but I feel the way the Russians must have felt during WWII; emotionally defeated, but fighting on and hoping for a miracle anyway. Just my two pennies worth (I can make change, if you need a penny back because you feel short-changed...) Mikey [/QUOTE]
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