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How do you get them to care for themselves???
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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 131237" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p><span style="font-family: 'Garamond'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: darkslategray">Thanks all. Point taken. Surprisingly, difficult child hasn't left the house - she's been in bed nursing herself back to health. Every once in a while she will ask me for something and I only comply if she's polite and I have the time and/or feel inclined. I made her tea last night and brought her the Advil. Other than that, she's been on her own and she's doing well. She's showered, changed her sheets, took breathing treatments all on her own without my prompting.</span></span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Garamond'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: darkslategray">MWM, I can count on one hand the number of times MB has been to our home. I know he's been there twice when I wasn't there, but he hardly ever comes to our house - difficult child is always running to him. I will not forbid his coming to our home at this point; I have never agreed with that train of thinking for the most part unless the person is a real low life scuzzbucket abusive person. How does that saying go, "Keep your loved ones close; keep your enemies closer", right? Well, that's how I feel at this point. MB may come with a lot of crud, and he's definitely not the best influence on difficult child, but she has to come to that realization on her own. </span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Garamond'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: darkslategray">In the meantime, we continue to invite him to dinner (he usually declines, and that upsets difficult child). And when he does come over (for like 20 min) we're cordial with him. He's polite to us, converses, never goes in difficult child's bedroom, he's usually quiet and goes with the flow of our household. He keeps telling difficult child that we "don't like him". in my opinion, this is an attempt on his part to create divisiveness between us & difficult child, so I don't want to assist him to that end by forbidding him from our home, Know what I mean?? </span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Garamond'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: darkslategray">I think in time this relationship will run it's natural course and die a slow painful death. If I force it, it will only last longer because she will use that one sore spot to rebel against us, as in, "You can't tell me who I can date or not date!" That is her way. At least the way it is, she talks about him to me, bounces ideas off of me and tells me the dirt. I'd rather tolerate this not-so-very romantic interlude with my own brand of patience than with a resistance that would surely cause her to run into his arms.</span></span></span></p><p></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Garamond'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: darkslategray">In the meantime, I am glad that I get the gentle reminders I need from all you folks to stand strong and avoid the temptation to 'help' difficult child or 'take care of her' because surely my help will only cripple her in the long run. Ouch~</span></span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 131237, member: 2211"] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=5][COLOR=darkslategray]Thanks all. Point taken. Surprisingly, difficult child hasn't left the house - she's been in bed nursing herself back to health. Every once in a while she will ask me for something and I only comply if she's polite and I have the time and/or feel inclined. I made her tea last night and brought her the Advil. Other than that, she's been on her own and she's doing well. She's showered, changed her sheets, took breathing treatments all on her own without my prompting.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [SIZE=5][/SIZE] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=5][COLOR=darkslategray]MWM, I can count on one hand the number of times MB has been to our home. I know he's been there twice when I wasn't there, but he hardly ever comes to our house - difficult child is always running to him. I will not forbid his coming to our home at this point; I have never agreed with that train of thinking for the most part unless the person is a real low life scuzzbucket abusive person. How does that saying go, "Keep your loved ones close; keep your enemies closer", right? Well, that's how I feel at this point. MB may come with a lot of crud, and he's definitely not the best influence on difficult child, but she has to come to that realization on her own. [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=5][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=5][COLOR=darkslategray]In the meantime, we continue to invite him to dinner (he usually declines, and that upsets difficult child). And when he does come over (for like 20 min) we're cordial with him. He's polite to us, converses, never goes in difficult child's bedroom, he's usually quiet and goes with the flow of our household. He keeps telling difficult child that we "don't like him". in my opinion, this is an attempt on his part to create divisiveness between us & difficult child, so I don't want to assist him to that end by forbidding him from our home, Know what I mean?? [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=5][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=5][COLOR=darkslategray]I think in time this relationship will run it's natural course and die a slow painful death. If I force it, it will only last longer because she will use that one sore spot to rebel against us, as in, "You can't tell me who I can date or not date!" That is her way. At least the way it is, she talks about him to me, bounces ideas off of me and tells me the dirt. I'd rather tolerate this not-so-very romantic interlude with my own brand of patience than with a resistance that would surely cause her to run into his arms.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [SIZE=5][/SIZE] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=5][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=5][COLOR=darkslategray]In the meantime, I am glad that I get the gentle reminders I need from all you folks to stand strong and avoid the temptation to 'help' difficult child or 'take care of her' because surely my help will only cripple her in the long run. Ouch~[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [/QUOTE]
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