How do you keep loving them?

TerryJ2

Well-Known Member
Clarification--I was under the impression that the psychiatric suggested he be sent away permanently. As in, institutionalized.
I'm thinking Residential Treatment Center (RTC) or something with-professional staff who can work with-him intensively, not warehouse him.
He has not killed any animals yet, right?
(Pollyanna, I know.)
As to your question, I like Fran's response, "a sense of responsibility and duty step in to the place where love normally sits."
{{hugs}}
 

wethreepeeps

New Member
Clarification--I was under the impression that the psychiatric suggested he be sent away permanently. As in, institutionalized.
I'm thinking Residential Treatment Center (RTC) or something with-professional staff who can work with-him intensively, not warehouse him.
He has not killed any animals yet, right?
(Pollyanna, I know.)
As to your question, I like Fran's response, "a sense of responsibility and duty step in to the place where love normally sits."
{{hugs}}

Yes, you're correct, the psychiatric was recommending something permanent.

I don't know if things have changed in the last three years, but the last time I tried, there were simply no Residential Treatment Center (RTC) options while we were on medicaid living here. That's why we moved to get more services. No, he has not killed any animals. We've had three instances; the serious one with the puppy, he did something to the older dog that made her yelp and run from his bedroom that I didn't see, he claims he was "petting her belly too rough". And then an incident where he kicked the hard-sided kennel while the puppy was in it.

I'm going to call his social worker this morning as soon as their office opens and let him know we need to see him asap. I'm working on trying to have the animals fostered. The puppy is purebred and I know I can get her another home, but the older dog is a six year old mutt and our local shelter puts them down if they aren't adopted in two weeks.
 

Marguerite

Active Member
All these descriptions are reminding me of a co-worker of mine from years ago. I describe the guy as a sociopath, he was awful to me while ever he regarded me as a threat to him professionally.

But reading these posts - I remember how he was with animals. We worked with animals in our job, plus he brought in for adoption one day, a rabbit he and his wife had kept for a couple of years. It was actually a littermate of my own pet rabbit who was a lovely-natured creature. He complained tat this rabbit would attack him and bite; I observed him with it. As he moved his hand near the rabbit (over her head) she would definitely attack him. But his hand was often above her head like this and for a rabbit, it can be a threatening position. He would also react, ALWAYS, by smacking the rabbit hard around the muzzle. I told him to leave her alone for the day and let me work with her; he was giving her away anyway, so she may as well begin to get used to different handlers.
Over the day I began moving my hand slowly, and now (his hand movements, especially when smacking her, were rapid). At first she attacked me but when I simply stopped moving my hand at all, she stopped biting me. She was only attacking out of the fear of violence; once she realised (and she learned fast) that I was not gonig to stop trying to pat her but also was not gonig to hit her, she stopped attacking me and by lunchtime she wasallowing me to pat her contentedly. The bloke's wife was also able to pat her - but when my co-worker came ner, he was unable to control his own fear and loathing and she went back to biting again (especially him).
Over the day I had to stop him from hitting her or slamming his fist against her cage; he was frustrated and angry and I had often seen him take it out against the animals. His wife later told me that he used to get a lot of fun tormenting the rabbit; instead of removing her form her cage when cleaning it, he would turn the hose on hard and hose out the rabbit hutch with the rabbit still in it. And when she got agitated, he would then hit her.
No flamin' wonder!

So be aware - this is what such a child can turn into. I know enough about my co-worker's past to know he undoubtedly had Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) as well as PTSD. I've since known another man with similar background - also similarly a bit weird and certainly not someone I could ever trust, even though he considers me a friend. I'm friendly to him, but I can't consider him MY friend.

In the meantime - keep the animals safe. Removing them is not only precaution, it is consequence.

Such a difficult situation for you, not knowing which way to turn.

Marg
 

TerryJ2

Well-Known Member
Wow, Marg, quite a story.
Gulp. Poor bunny.
But you were able to work with-it. Amazing, how quickly animals adapt.
 

DazedandConfused

Well-Known Member
Right now, it is only my obligation to my children that keeps me going. Not love. Maybe one day I will feel that love for them again, but at this point, I'm not hopeful. In the past week I have been physically attacked by both difficult children. Daughter has been warned that it happens once she turns 18 she's out of my home.

I would try and find other homes for your pets. They are in danger. I'm so sorry.
 

Star*

call 911........call 911
Hi Peeps,

Welcome to the board. My son is now 18 and a great deal of work, therapy, tears and growing education on all of our parts we somehow made it to 18. If you ask anyone who knows us - they have no idea how I can still have anything to do with my son.

When he was younger there were days when I said to myself "I can't stand this kid." To be completely honest there were weeks and weeks that I said it under my breath and got a complete understanding of why some animals eat their young. BUT I never stopped loving him. Like him? Nope not most days. Love him? Yup - despite all of it - yes.
 

lovemysons

Well-Known Member
Love is a gift.
Alot of our difficult child's (behaviors) don't deserve it...but we give it anyway.
It's unconditional...there is nothing my difficult child's or easy child could do or say that would ever change my love for them.

I wish you all the best...Does sound like you've really been through so much.
Lovemysons
 

graceupongrace

New Member
wethreepeeps,

I've been thinking about your question ever since you posted it. I've seen a lot of very unlovable behavior from my difficult child lately, and I hate it. I hate his bad choices. I hate the fact that he's wired differently. I hate the way his brain chemistry is messed up. I hate the negative impact it's had on the family, and on me. I hate feeling all knotted-up. I hate each gray hair this has given me -- LOL. But when you take all that away, what's left is a human with a heart and a soul, and that's what I love. It's a love grounded in faith, not reason.

Sending gentle hugs for the journey ((())).
 

lillians

lillians
ohhh my ,many years ago we had to rehome most of our pets,,as our tourrettes son was hurting them,,he loved them he didnt hate them it was and impulse thing tht we will never understand ,,today at 18 he is loving toward all human and animals there is much hope allow your self al ittle dislike,,then wake uprefreshed and ready to go at the future again
 
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