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General Parenting
How do you look to the future?
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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 480683" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>You cannot look to the future right now. What your child will look like in 2/4/6 years is going to be most likely very different from what she's like right now. Better, worse... who knows? in my humble opinion, the priority right now is to get through today, without causing permanent damage to other family relationships. </p><p></p><p>Hopefully psychiatrist will have some insight into what's going on and will have some suggestions for you. So hard to know what's really going on in our teens sometimes. Depression, trauma, bullying... the possibilities just boggle the mind.</p><p></p><p>For the very short term, I'd just do what you have to do to get you all thru the day, since the psychiatrist appointment is soon. Give her the choice, shower now, shower in the morning *without* drama, or no shower - her choice, but whatever choice she makes, she has to live with- it. Re: school - you're meeting with- school counselor Monday, right? I'd let daughter know that she's going to have to make a decision. Either get it together in school and get back on track, or move down to less intense classes (which, by the way, I'd probably try to encourage in a very positive manner - self-care is a very good thing when you're dealing with- depression, and perhaps by decreasing the pressures of a demanding school schedule, it would allow her more opportunity to do some self-care). </p><p></p><p>And don't even think about the future right now. Really. At age 14, I had zero hopes left for my difficult child - he was so oppositional and violent, prison was the best case scenario I could envision for him as an adult. At 16, he'd been in 3 RTCs and had moved on to a group home, but was still without question a difficult child. At 18, he was angry, using, and homeless. At 20, he is an exceptionally considerate young man, affectionate, making some realistic goals, and putting forth an amazing effort to reach those goals. Honestly - I never thought I'd live to see the day. He is an absolute *delight* (aside from the ever changing piercings on his face, his tats, and the spiked dog collars... but hey, he *is* a difficult child, LOL <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /> ). </p><p></p><p>Hang in there.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 480683, member: 8"] You cannot look to the future right now. What your child will look like in 2/4/6 years is going to be most likely very different from what she's like right now. Better, worse... who knows? in my humble opinion, the priority right now is to get through today, without causing permanent damage to other family relationships. Hopefully psychiatrist will have some insight into what's going on and will have some suggestions for you. So hard to know what's really going on in our teens sometimes. Depression, trauma, bullying... the possibilities just boggle the mind. For the very short term, I'd just do what you have to do to get you all thru the day, since the psychiatrist appointment is soon. Give her the choice, shower now, shower in the morning *without* drama, or no shower - her choice, but whatever choice she makes, she has to live with- it. Re: school - you're meeting with- school counselor Monday, right? I'd let daughter know that she's going to have to make a decision. Either get it together in school and get back on track, or move down to less intense classes (which, by the way, I'd probably try to encourage in a very positive manner - self-care is a very good thing when you're dealing with- depression, and perhaps by decreasing the pressures of a demanding school schedule, it would allow her more opportunity to do some self-care). And don't even think about the future right now. Really. At age 14, I had zero hopes left for my difficult child - he was so oppositional and violent, prison was the best case scenario I could envision for him as an adult. At 16, he'd been in 3 RTCs and had moved on to a group home, but was still without question a difficult child. At 18, he was angry, using, and homeless. At 20, he is an exceptionally considerate young man, affectionate, making some realistic goals, and putting forth an amazing effort to reach those goals. Honestly - I never thought I'd live to see the day. He is an absolute *delight* (aside from the ever changing piercings on his face, his tats, and the spiked dog collars... but hey, he *is* a difficult child, LOL :winking: ). Hang in there. [/QUOTE]
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