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Parent Emeritus
How do you mend your broken heart
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<blockquote data-quote="dashcat" data-source="post: 368330" data-attributes="member: 9175"><p>I truly understand your pain and bewilderment. I'm dealing with different "stuff" with my 19 year old daughter, but it's really the same stuff in that it is dangerous to her. She was adopted as an infant and given the kind of life that we all think - as young parents - is the recipe for success. But we can only do our jobs and recongize that there are many factors, beyond us, that steer our kids in the direction they ultimately end up following. It's hard to accept that they make choices counter to what we believe, counter to what we've taught them and in opposition of what we've spent their lives praying for. Still, we cannot control their choices, only our reactions to them,</p><p> </p><p>I was seeing a counselor (the same one daughter saw, so she knew us and our family dynamics very well) during a particularly rough patch with daughter. At one point I was lamenting "we've done all we can - sent her to a great private school (which she loved and still calls the best four years of her life), I was a stay at home mom, watched her carefully, involved @ her school .... " you know the drill. The T-doctor looked at me and calmly asked "Dash, where do you think she would be if you hadn't done those things?" she went on to say "you HAVE made a difference. Try and see that and to know that, despite all that has happened, she is still better off."</p><p> </p><p>And she was right. If my daughter had been held accountable for her behavior when all this started, who knows where she'd be? </p><p> </p><p>You've made a difference with your son and I predict that you'll continue to make a difference. The things you taught him are there. It's up to him to use them.</p><p> </p><p>Hang in there.</p><p>Dash</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dashcat, post: 368330, member: 9175"] I truly understand your pain and bewilderment. I'm dealing with different "stuff" with my 19 year old daughter, but it's really the same stuff in that it is dangerous to her. She was adopted as an infant and given the kind of life that we all think - as young parents - is the recipe for success. But we can only do our jobs and recongize that there are many factors, beyond us, that steer our kids in the direction they ultimately end up following. It's hard to accept that they make choices counter to what we believe, counter to what we've taught them and in opposition of what we've spent their lives praying for. Still, we cannot control their choices, only our reactions to them, I was seeing a counselor (the same one daughter saw, so she knew us and our family dynamics very well) during a particularly rough patch with daughter. At one point I was lamenting "we've done all we can - sent her to a great private school (which she loved and still calls the best four years of her life), I was a stay at home mom, watched her carefully, involved @ her school .... " you know the drill. The T-doctor looked at me and calmly asked "Dash, where do you think she would be if you hadn't done those things?" she went on to say "you HAVE made a difference. Try and see that and to know that, despite all that has happened, she is still better off." And she was right. If my daughter had been held accountable for her behavior when all this started, who knows where she'd be? You've made a difference with your son and I predict that you'll continue to make a difference. The things you taught him are there. It's up to him to use them. Hang in there. Dash [/QUOTE]
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How do you mend your broken heart
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