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How do you regain a fresh perspective with difficult child?
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 370207" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>been there done that with the trailer. Or similar. Back when difficult child 3 was a baby, we built a spare room in the backyard. The door is two metres away from our back door and this room shades the main house from the fierce western sun. The idea was, it would be a spare bedroom for visitors as well as somewhere for my sewing, somewhere to sit and relax a little sometimes - just more space. When SIL1 used to visit he would stay there. easy child 2/difficult child 2's exBF used to stay there too and our round-heeled girl would try to sneak past us at night to sleep with him - that's when we realised that if the kids are determined to have sex, there's not much you can do to prevent it. Then when SIL2 moved in, a few months after he and easy child 2/difficult child 2 began going out together (ex-boyfriend broke up messily and SIL2 was a friend on the fringe who happily stepped in) our girl simply moved out of her bedroom and into the back room. I suddenly lost easy access to my sewing machine. easy child 2/difficult child 2 also sews and the brat actually asked if she could have my sewing machine! No flamin' way could she get my Husqvarna! </p><p></p><p>At an earlier point, easy child moved out to the spare room while she finished her final year of high school. That worked out for us. Bt when difficult child 1 moved out there he crudded up the space so fast he lost the privilege and was moved back.</p><p></p><p>We found with SIL2 that he tended to stay out there a lot. The room is really too small for a self-contained apartment, although it's bigger than our master bedroom. It has a sink but no other washing facilities or cooking facilities. The hassle was always when a phone call came in, or dinner was ready, or we needed to talk to them - we had to go get them, especially if the curtains were closed. If the curtains were open, we worked out a system of shining a laser pointer into the room so we could alert them that we wanted them to come to us to find out what we wanted ("your legs are younger than ours!").</p><p></p><p>SIL2 & easy child 2/difficult child 2 eventually moved out, which frankly made life easier for us. </p><p></p><p>Over the years we've had mother in law stay there too, although she couldn't any more, the spare room has two steps going up into it.</p><p></p><p>The problems with the "backyard trailer" option is the heating/cooling issues (our spare room is made of the same sort of thin wall aluminium you get trailers made of). Our power bill was cut by two thirds when the kids moved out.</p><p>Also problems - if the kid is a hoarder (like difficult child 1) then the place cruds up fast. Too often the food scraps out there, empty drink bottles etc brings in the ants and then you have a big problem getting rid of the critturs. Or it can be worse - rats & mice. Mind you, if they're doing this in the house, you risk having the same issues in the main house; but then you're better placed to prevent it if the kid is still in the house.</p><p></p><p>We've not had drug issues, but in the past we've had neighbours who had trailers in their backyards, for when they next wanted to go touring. And local junkies were secretly using these trailers as somewhere to meet and get high. So if you had your trailer permanently occupied by a wannabe junkie, it would be a lot harder to keep tabs on them. Friends can come and go at any time of the day or night, if they don't need to come inside.</p><p></p><p>Another big problem is security - when we have people staying in our spare room, we have to leave the back door unlocked so they can come inside to use the bathroom through the night. If you have a back door which you can lock with a key and give a spare key to the occupant of the trailer, how sure are you that they will keep the key somewhere safe? What if they just leave your key on the trailer table, and then leave the trailer unlocked? And their junkie friends know this? What would your insurance company say?</p><p></p><p>It is an idea to explore, but explore it thoroughly before you try it.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 370207, member: 1991"] been there done that with the trailer. Or similar. Back when difficult child 3 was a baby, we built a spare room in the backyard. The door is two metres away from our back door and this room shades the main house from the fierce western sun. The idea was, it would be a spare bedroom for visitors as well as somewhere for my sewing, somewhere to sit and relax a little sometimes - just more space. When SIL1 used to visit he would stay there. easy child 2/difficult child 2's exBF used to stay there too and our round-heeled girl would try to sneak past us at night to sleep with him - that's when we realised that if the kids are determined to have sex, there's not much you can do to prevent it. Then when SIL2 moved in, a few months after he and easy child 2/difficult child 2 began going out together (ex-boyfriend broke up messily and SIL2 was a friend on the fringe who happily stepped in) our girl simply moved out of her bedroom and into the back room. I suddenly lost easy access to my sewing machine. easy child 2/difficult child 2 also sews and the brat actually asked if she could have my sewing machine! No flamin' way could she get my Husqvarna! At an earlier point, easy child moved out to the spare room while she finished her final year of high school. That worked out for us. Bt when difficult child 1 moved out there he crudded up the space so fast he lost the privilege and was moved back. We found with SIL2 that he tended to stay out there a lot. The room is really too small for a self-contained apartment, although it's bigger than our master bedroom. It has a sink but no other washing facilities or cooking facilities. The hassle was always when a phone call came in, or dinner was ready, or we needed to talk to them - we had to go get them, especially if the curtains were closed. If the curtains were open, we worked out a system of shining a laser pointer into the room so we could alert them that we wanted them to come to us to find out what we wanted ("your legs are younger than ours!"). SIL2 & easy child 2/difficult child 2 eventually moved out, which frankly made life easier for us. Over the years we've had mother in law stay there too, although she couldn't any more, the spare room has two steps going up into it. The problems with the "backyard trailer" option is the heating/cooling issues (our spare room is made of the same sort of thin wall aluminium you get trailers made of). Our power bill was cut by two thirds when the kids moved out. Also problems - if the kid is a hoarder (like difficult child 1) then the place cruds up fast. Too often the food scraps out there, empty drink bottles etc brings in the ants and then you have a big problem getting rid of the critturs. Or it can be worse - rats & mice. Mind you, if they're doing this in the house, you risk having the same issues in the main house; but then you're better placed to prevent it if the kid is still in the house. We've not had drug issues, but in the past we've had neighbours who had trailers in their backyards, for when they next wanted to go touring. And local junkies were secretly using these trailers as somewhere to meet and get high. So if you had your trailer permanently occupied by a wannabe junkie, it would be a lot harder to keep tabs on them. Friends can come and go at any time of the day or night, if they don't need to come inside. Another big problem is security - when we have people staying in our spare room, we have to leave the back door unlocked so they can come inside to use the bathroom through the night. If you have a back door which you can lock with a key and give a spare key to the occupant of the trailer, how sure are you that they will keep the key somewhere safe? What if they just leave your key on the trailer table, and then leave the trailer unlocked? And their junkie friends know this? What would your insurance company say? It is an idea to explore, but explore it thoroughly before you try it. Marg [/QUOTE]
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