How do you say...

[AngelaMia aka Merris]

I don't want you in my life right now? I thought I was pretty clear in my letter to difficult child, but he doesn't get it. He doesn't want to get it and I'm floundering. He's called at midnight and I've picked him up. The other night he called and I wouldn't answer the phone. There was a knock at my door and I wouldn't open the door. Suddenly, there was a voice in my bedroom, "Mom?" He needed a ride. The last time he was in my bedroom he tried to kill me.

His tattoo is infected so I bought him some bacetracin. He came and got it last night and I made him leave immediately. He will NEVER grow up and he will NEVER appreciate me unless he doesn't have me. I have to somehow break this chain.

A deadbolt is being installed this weekend.

My divorce is next Thursday.

Will it ever end?

 

[ck1]

I'm sorry to hear he isn't getting it and that's just making it harder! Just curious, when he got into your room for a ride...did you take him? I don't have any good advice, sounds like you've done (or are in the process of doing) all the things I would suggest. Just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you...hang in there!!

 

[goldenguru]

If he has been violent toward you ... get a restraining order against him. It can always be removed at a later date. He's not getting your message obviously. Let the law send him a stronger message.

 

[KFld]

Glad to hear about the deadbolt. Maybe he will take the hint when he can't get in. I hope for your sake he does.

 

[susiestar]

I am sorry this is so hard. I truly think you NEED a restraining order. How did he get in? Did you give him a key? Next time he comes in like htat, call 911!!

Sorry, but giving him rides, even for an infected tattoo, is not helping him to be respectful of you.

This situation just is scary. It seems he is on an edge somehow. It is NOT your job to ease his way now, or to take care of him.

PLEASE take care of YOU!

 

[Sunlight]

I just had to tell ant that very thing. I wrote him a two page letter and cut off his phone calls to me. he has to miss me to appreciate me. I am done with his anger towards me. that is not to say I do not feel sorry for him. he was transferred to the state pen yesterday and I cant even think about that.

I have come to think I cannot have him in my life for now. I need a break and he is where I can do no more for him.
his last two calls to me he hung up in anger. I told him I will live as I see fit and he can live his own way. I refuse to be verbally abused.

meanwhile he called his dad and had him call me and let me know where ant is, he called my mom and had her call me to let me know where he is...
I just need some peace, he needs to change, the way we interacted did not work and he needs someone besides me to guide him.

you changed the locks, change your phone number if need be. take a break and let someone else handle him til you recharge.

 

[susiestar]

Thinking about you this morning. Just wanted to send a hug. It is hard when our kids are on the edge or just not safe to be around.

Hugs for your mommy heart!

Susie

 

[AngelaMia aka Merris]

Thanks Susie! I've been thinking about you all lately too! I haven't been here much, a lot going on, but I'm here to lurk most days.

The deadbolt was installed today! difficult child and I had another "talk" last night about what I expect from him if he wants to remain in my life. It means more than "not doing anything bad". It means getting a REAL job, it means he's going to have to try harder than everyone else because he's a convicted felon, it means he's going to have to stop depending on me and it means he's going to have to come to the realization that although I HAVE the money to get him a car, I am NOT getting him a car until he is responsibile and I feel it is safe.

For those of you without the background - difficult child and I did have a restraining order and he served a year in jail for attempted 1st degree assault. Believe me, we are just starting the healing process.

Yesterday was the first ME day in probably 5 years. My BFF owns a ritzy salon. She took me there and because she's the boss, they all fawned all over me. Everyone had an opinion, nails, haircolor, cut, length, choppy, curls, straight. I had people all over me! I now have FABULOUS new color in my hair, a beautiful cut and I look very dignified. I can't afford to go there all the time, but it might be worth skimping on things just to keep it up. I had an EXCELLENT time!

BUT - today I am sad because I just spent the whole day reading through my 11 years of journaling. The one my "husband" stole. I now realize that my lawyer isn't fighting as hard as she would be if he didn't have that document. There were times when I was very ill and unmedicated (before I met him) and times when I was out of my mind with paranoia about difficult child when we were together.

It doesn't matter. The divorce is on Thursday. It's best to have it over with. I just hope that Karma is real and that this voodoo doll really works :smile:

Chant Karma Karma Karma on Thursday please - maybe the judge will give me more!

Thanks!

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

Karma Karma Karma Karma Karma Chameleon... :wink: