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General Parenting
How do YOU stay calm in a difficult child meltdown
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<blockquote data-quote="Fran" data-source="post: 100611" data-attributes="member: 3"><p>WW,</p><p> I think staying calm is a talent that grows with use. Some weeks I did better than others. </p><p>A lot depends on where I'm at emotionally. I had to do some self talk. What was I getting out of triggering another argument? Did I have a need to be right or to get the emotional response? I tried to keep asking myself what does my difficult child need?</p><p>There were other days when difficult child was just being oppositional vs. irritability. I never could make a point when he was irritable. </p><p></p><p>Taking a walk away from the situation when difficult child and I were engaged was my best tool. It gives me a chance to ask myself what I'm trying to accomplish. If I'm going to "blow" I want to make sure it's for the right reason, I guess. I still want to cause no harm but never, ever be a doormat. </p><p></p><p> The more you tell yourself that it's not your fault that he is miserable the better you are at disengaging. At 17 the rules of engagement are different than when in elementary school. He has some responsibility for his attitude. Needless to say we have a responsibility to be the adult who wants to parent to the best of our ability. </p><p></p><p> There is a difference when a difficult child is not stable. If that is the case with a 17yr old, then your priority is to stay safe and get professional help for him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Fran, post: 100611, member: 3"] WW, I think staying calm is a talent that grows with use. Some weeks I did better than others. A lot depends on where I'm at emotionally. I had to do some self talk. What was I getting out of triggering another argument? Did I have a need to be right or to get the emotional response? I tried to keep asking myself what does my difficult child need? There were other days when difficult child was just being oppositional vs. irritability. I never could make a point when he was irritable. Taking a walk away from the situation when difficult child and I were engaged was my best tool. It gives me a chance to ask myself what I'm trying to accomplish. If I'm going to "blow" I want to make sure it's for the right reason, I guess. I still want to cause no harm but never, ever be a doormat. The more you tell yourself that it's not your fault that he is miserable the better you are at disengaging. At 17 the rules of engagement are different than when in elementary school. He has some responsibility for his attitude. Needless to say we have a responsibility to be the adult who wants to parent to the best of our ability. There is a difference when a difficult child is not stable. If that is the case with a 17yr old, then your priority is to stay safe and get professional help for him. [/QUOTE]
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