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<blockquote data-quote="raraavis" data-source="post: 708894" data-attributes="member: 20646"><p>[USER=18958]@Copabanana[/USER] . Thank you so very much for your support, the information provided and for sharing you journey with you mom. You are a wonderful person and I am sure your mother knew it all along. You could not have done anything more than you did and I applaud you for it.</p><p>Did I mention that I also put my career on hold for 3 years and stayed home with him so I can take him to all the therapies and give him 100% of my time and attention. I read countless books on child psychology, autism, ADHD, mood disorders, behavior interventions and tried to do therapy with him myself as well. I was home with him between his ages 2-5 (as I blamed my working for the lack of healthy bonding with him) and went back to work last June. It was very hard on him and this is when we noticed the worsening in his behavior (which was already bad). I have a highly demanding job, I work at least 60 hours a week, but my job keeps me sane. It is my respite.</p><p>Very interesting information regarding the mental health in babies. He may have been in pain when he was a baby, I thought about that as well, but I don`t hthink he is in pain now as he is highly verbal and would tell us.</p><p>[USER=13303]@culturanta[/USER] . I agree with you 100%. My worst nightmare is him hurting someone. It is my greatest fear of all. This is probably the only reason for which I would have him placed in a residential program, if I thought he would actually be capable of hurting someone. At this point he is still little, we are with him all the time, but I can see this being a possibility in a few years.</p><p>I have always been very decisive and knew what the next step was, but this time I am in complete dark. I know it is not my fault, but can`t help but feeling extreme guilt for bringing him into this world and causing him so much hurt and suffering. I think he is beyond depressed as well, he hates his life and wants to "go to God". He has no friends, nobody likes him except for family and not even us sometimes and he is smart enough to pick up on this.</p><p>I also feel guilty for losing my temper with him, but you really have to be made of stone not to.</p><p>Next week we will have the ARD meeting, I dread it as I know how hard it will be to sit there and hear how he threatens to kill teachers, spits on them, sits by himself and basically how mentally ill he is.</p><p>We also have an appointment with the geneticist in early April as I do not think that his severe neuropsychiatric disorders and the brain tumor (optic glioma is a brain tumor) are independent of each other. I think his brain is failing him in every possible way and I think he may have a genetic mutation. We have zero family history of psychiatric disorders (except anxiety) or cancer.</p><p>I should also add that he has good days as well once every 1-2 months when he is nice and says he wants to change and be the best behaved kid, but the next day he attacks us again. Also, lately he has been begging God every day to turn him into a baby again as he hates being a "big boy" probably because of how miserable his life is (mentally and physically) and has no control over it.</p><p>Thank you all for your support. Just writing here and reading your compassionate and supportive messages helped a lot. I realized though that I need to get an appointment with a psychologist asap, as I feel like I am very close to a mental breakdown (never had one, but I don`t think I can hold it together much longer).</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="raraavis, post: 708894, member: 20646"] [USER=18958]@Copabanana[/USER] . Thank you so very much for your support, the information provided and for sharing you journey with you mom. You are a wonderful person and I am sure your mother knew it all along. You could not have done anything more than you did and I applaud you for it. Did I mention that I also put my career on hold for 3 years and stayed home with him so I can take him to all the therapies and give him 100% of my time and attention. I read countless books on child psychology, autism, ADHD, mood disorders, behavior interventions and tried to do therapy with him myself as well. I was home with him between his ages 2-5 (as I blamed my working for the lack of healthy bonding with him) and went back to work last June. It was very hard on him and this is when we noticed the worsening in his behavior (which was already bad). I have a highly demanding job, I work at least 60 hours a week, but my job keeps me sane. It is my respite. Very interesting information regarding the mental health in babies. He may have been in pain when he was a baby, I thought about that as well, but I don`t hthink he is in pain now as he is highly verbal and would tell us. [USER=13303]@culturanta[/USER] . I agree with you 100%. My worst nightmare is him hurting someone. It is my greatest fear of all. This is probably the only reason for which I would have him placed in a residential program, if I thought he would actually be capable of hurting someone. At this point he is still little, we are with him all the time, but I can see this being a possibility in a few years. I have always been very decisive and knew what the next step was, but this time I am in complete dark. I know it is not my fault, but can`t help but feeling extreme guilt for bringing him into this world and causing him so much hurt and suffering. I think he is beyond depressed as well, he hates his life and wants to "go to God". He has no friends, nobody likes him except for family and not even us sometimes and he is smart enough to pick up on this. I also feel guilty for losing my temper with him, but you really have to be made of stone not to. Next week we will have the ARD meeting, I dread it as I know how hard it will be to sit there and hear how he threatens to kill teachers, spits on them, sits by himself and basically how mentally ill he is. We also have an appointment with the geneticist in early April as I do not think that his severe neuropsychiatric disorders and the brain tumor (optic glioma is a brain tumor) are independent of each other. I think his brain is failing him in every possible way and I think he may have a genetic mutation. We have zero family history of psychiatric disorders (except anxiety) or cancer. I should also add that he has good days as well once every 1-2 months when he is nice and says he wants to change and be the best behaved kid, but the next day he attacks us again. Also, lately he has been begging God every day to turn him into a baby again as he hates being a "big boy" probably because of how miserable his life is (mentally and physically) and has no control over it. Thank you all for your support. Just writing here and reading your compassionate and supportive messages helped a lot. I realized though that I need to get an appointment with a psychologist asap, as I feel like I am very close to a mental breakdown (never had one, but I don`t think I can hold it together much longer). [/QUOTE]
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