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How do you watch them leave without falling apart?
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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 393311" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>Nancy - I absolutely agree with- Suz. I don't think it's possible to watch our kids make these choices without falling apart. I do think it is absolutely essential to not let them *see* us fall apart. </p><p></p><p>For well over a year, Nancy, I was waiting for a call to come and identify his body. He was roaming some fairly dangerous neighborhoods of the city at all hours of the night, doing a lot of drugs, hanging with some not-so-nice people, and getting sucked into drama between rival groups in his circle of street kids. It got to the point where husband and I actually discussed the logistics of it (who would go, who would stay with- the other kids). It's a morbid thought, but it was (still is to some degree) my deepest fear. Nothing I could do about it because thank you was doing his thing. Only thing I could do was prepare as best I could, and then let it go.</p><p></p><p>I wish there was a magic trick I could tell you to ease the pain and fear in your heart, but there isn't. Just as it has been for so long with- our difficult children, it's a one-day-at-a-time thing. </p><p></p><p>You do need to take care of yourself, extra well. Allow yourself the tears, but also start working on rebuilding your life as a parent emeritus. </p><p></p><p>One thing I did, once my anger over his just really stupid choices wore off, was really work on enjoying his sober presence when he did come home for a visit. He's never been here high (to my knowledge) and in some twisted kind of way, his rough existence away from home made him virtually a easy child when he is here for visits. I hug him, tell him I love him, do *not* ask questions about his life, feed him, and tell him to take care of himself as he leaves. And pray that he stays in one piece until the next time I see him.</p><p></p><p>Hugs, Nancy. Many hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 393311, member: 8"] Nancy - I absolutely agree with- Suz. I don't think it's possible to watch our kids make these choices without falling apart. I do think it is absolutely essential to not let them *see* us fall apart. For well over a year, Nancy, I was waiting for a call to come and identify his body. He was roaming some fairly dangerous neighborhoods of the city at all hours of the night, doing a lot of drugs, hanging with some not-so-nice people, and getting sucked into drama between rival groups in his circle of street kids. It got to the point where husband and I actually discussed the logistics of it (who would go, who would stay with- the other kids). It's a morbid thought, but it was (still is to some degree) my deepest fear. Nothing I could do about it because thank you was doing his thing. Only thing I could do was prepare as best I could, and then let it go. I wish there was a magic trick I could tell you to ease the pain and fear in your heart, but there isn't. Just as it has been for so long with- our difficult children, it's a one-day-at-a-time thing. You do need to take care of yourself, extra well. Allow yourself the tears, but also start working on rebuilding your life as a parent emeritus. One thing I did, once my anger over his just really stupid choices wore off, was really work on enjoying his sober presence when he did come home for a visit. He's never been here high (to my knowledge) and in some twisted kind of way, his rough existence away from home made him virtually a easy child when he is here for visits. I hug him, tell him I love him, do *not* ask questions about his life, feed him, and tell him to take care of himself as he leaves. And pray that he stays in one piece until the next time I see him. Hugs, Nancy. Many hugs. [/QUOTE]
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How do you watch them leave without falling apart?
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