Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
How do you??
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 266940" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I said earlier: "You can either lock up the snack foods, or simply don't have it at all. If the special foods you have for the son with braces, is OK for him to eat, then it should also be OK for difficult child 1 to eat too. She mightn't physically need the extra TLC but it seems that emotionally, she does. And sometimes when it's more freely available, the novelty is gone and she may be more likely to comply."</p><p></p><p>You replied: "It isn't that she CAN'T have the same snacks as the son with braces, she CAN, but she has to ask for them."</p><p></p><p>I did get that, but because she has to ask, it makes them more unattainable and therefore more desirable. You need the same rules for all, even though the situation isn't equal (he has braces, she doesn't). Another way to make it all equal - HE has to clean his teeth after snacking, so she should also. That way the teeth-cleaning is associated with those snacks and not just the braces.</p><p></p><p>I hear you on the "she will stuff herself silly if I let her" concerns, because easy child did that, with her sense of "I have to have at least my fair share." </p><p></p><p>I had a horrible time of it with easy child and with hindsight, I should have forced her to discuss it at counselling. However, I too was afraid of triggering an eating disorder. In a way, we DO have an eating disorder with her - she eats poorly (despite my instruction and similar standards to you, especially with her) and also over-eats. She's better than she used to be, but not much. She believes she eats much better than she used to. what worries me, is I think she's right! But it still leaves a lot more room for improvement than she is willing to admit.</p><p></p><p>What I'm saying - your current methods aren'tworking, they're backfiring. So you need to find another way. And yes, the delay of a year is nothing really, in terms of the length of time these problems have been developing.</p><p></p><p>Here's a suggestion you could try - teach her to cook. But not the usual way of "tonight we're having grilled chops and steamed vegetables, you are going to make it." No, you need to ask HER what she would like to learn to make for dinner. Chances are what she wants will be not as healthy as you would like. You need to be flexible, but push the nutrition requirement as best as you can. For example, if she wants to make easy child 2/difficult child 2's favourite, spaghetti carbonara (loaded with fat, but also wonderful comfort food!) then she can put some balance in it by including a side salad, perhaps.</p><p>Then when she has decided, you look for recipes with her, then she has to go shopping for any ingredients you don't have. If she wants to modify the recipe by swapping ingredients she doesn't like for ones she does, this is OK as long as YOU know the subtitution will work. For example if I make moussaka, I swap zucchini for the eggplant, because husband won't eat eggplant. And it works just fine.</p><p></p><p>Once the shopping has been done, she has to follow through and cook it. You can't simply back off from the idea because you're tired - meal plans have been made and it has to be done. She'sentered ito the decision-making process and has to stick with it. If she says, "Hang on, I've bitten off mroe than I can chew, can we do something quick and easy tonight and I'll cook tomorrow night instead?" then let it, as long as it can work for you. otherwise, let her know the reasons for insisting. Let her be part of the decision-making process and the planning process. This is all to give her control, as well as skills.</p><p></p><p>She will probably need a lot of help to begin with. Be supportive. Not easy. Working as a team is good - one stirs the pot while the other fetches ingredients. Then take turns. I'm at this stage with difficult child 3 at the moment.</p><p></p><p>Give lots of praise to the end result, let her feel proud for what she has achieved. Ask her for her opinion on the outcome, if she's not happy with it ask her what she feels she could do to improve it next time, or if there's anything she especially likes about her result, same thing - "what would you do again?"</p><p></p><p>And this discussion made me realise - she sounds to me like she's gonig for a lot of comfort food. It's partly a teen thing anyway (and thankfully tey can often get away with it) but her background has thoroughly predisposed her to this. She needs to learn to understand this about herself and stop self-medicating with food NOW, while she's still young enough to re-learn, or she will have a shorter life span than she deserves.</p><p></p><p>She needs to NOT let her early life shorten her remaining years. Don't let the bad times win. But SHE nees to understand this, you can't tell her. It needs therapy, again.</p><p></p><p>Can you allow unlimited healthy food? Giving her free choice? Like the fruit bowl, or having a range of vegetable sticks and some healthy dips available. </p><p></p><p>Another important tip for her - drink plenty of water. If she is aware that she needs to control her comfort eating, try to remind her to have a drink of water (or similar non-sugary watery drink, such as lo-cal drink) BEFORE she eats something. Drink, then wait five minutes. She may find she ewasn't hungry after all, but thirsty.</p><p></p><p>I've made myself some frozen icy pole things using lo-cal cordial. Sometimes eating one of those helps me feel like I've had enough of a snack, but without the calories. it also puts more fluid into me, which curbs my appetite. I'm then more likely to take my time and choose something healthier and smaller portion.</p><p></p><p>As for the broter - I think it's a bloke thing as well as a teen thing. easy child 2/difficult child 2's ex-boyfriend would eat us out of house and home. And I remember back to my student days, I was ina share house with three 19-year-old males with huge appetites. We'd take turns cooking and we found cheap sources of ground beef. I remember beginning with a kilo of ground beef to make a pot of chili con carne, padding it with a tin of kidney beans and cooked pasta. I'd planned on leftovers for lunch but they ate the lot. So the following week, I cooked 2 Kg of ground beef, added 2 tins of beans and doubled the pasta. They still ate the lot! And complained that the food bill for that week was twice as big!</p><p></p><p>Teenagers, especially boys, are like lions. When food is available, they stuff themselves to store it for later, then they go sleep under a tree to digest it for the next however many hours.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 266940, member: 1991"] I said earlier: "You can either lock up the snack foods, or simply don't have it at all. If the special foods you have for the son with braces, is OK for him to eat, then it should also be OK for difficult child 1 to eat too. She mightn't physically need the extra TLC but it seems that emotionally, she does. And sometimes when it's more freely available, the novelty is gone and she may be more likely to comply." You replied: "It isn't that she CAN'T have the same snacks as the son with braces, she CAN, but she has to ask for them." I did get that, but because she has to ask, it makes them more unattainable and therefore more desirable. You need the same rules for all, even though the situation isn't equal (he has braces, she doesn't). Another way to make it all equal - HE has to clean his teeth after snacking, so she should also. That way the teeth-cleaning is associated with those snacks and not just the braces. I hear you on the "she will stuff herself silly if I let her" concerns, because easy child did that, with her sense of "I have to have at least my fair share." I had a horrible time of it with easy child and with hindsight, I should have forced her to discuss it at counselling. However, I too was afraid of triggering an eating disorder. In a way, we DO have an eating disorder with her - she eats poorly (despite my instruction and similar standards to you, especially with her) and also over-eats. She's better than she used to be, but not much. She believes she eats much better than she used to. what worries me, is I think she's right! But it still leaves a lot more room for improvement than she is willing to admit. What I'm saying - your current methods aren'tworking, they're backfiring. So you need to find another way. And yes, the delay of a year is nothing really, in terms of the length of time these problems have been developing. Here's a suggestion you could try - teach her to cook. But not the usual way of "tonight we're having grilled chops and steamed vegetables, you are going to make it." No, you need to ask HER what she would like to learn to make for dinner. Chances are what she wants will be not as healthy as you would like. You need to be flexible, but push the nutrition requirement as best as you can. For example, if she wants to make easy child 2/difficult child 2's favourite, spaghetti carbonara (loaded with fat, but also wonderful comfort food!) then she can put some balance in it by including a side salad, perhaps. Then when she has decided, you look for recipes with her, then she has to go shopping for any ingredients you don't have. If she wants to modify the recipe by swapping ingredients she doesn't like for ones she does, this is OK as long as YOU know the subtitution will work. For example if I make moussaka, I swap zucchini for the eggplant, because husband won't eat eggplant. And it works just fine. Once the shopping has been done, she has to follow through and cook it. You can't simply back off from the idea because you're tired - meal plans have been made and it has to be done. She'sentered ito the decision-making process and has to stick with it. If she says, "Hang on, I've bitten off mroe than I can chew, can we do something quick and easy tonight and I'll cook tomorrow night instead?" then let it, as long as it can work for you. otherwise, let her know the reasons for insisting. Let her be part of the decision-making process and the planning process. This is all to give her control, as well as skills. She will probably need a lot of help to begin with. Be supportive. Not easy. Working as a team is good - one stirs the pot while the other fetches ingredients. Then take turns. I'm at this stage with difficult child 3 at the moment. Give lots of praise to the end result, let her feel proud for what she has achieved. Ask her for her opinion on the outcome, if she's not happy with it ask her what she feels she could do to improve it next time, or if there's anything she especially likes about her result, same thing - "what would you do again?" And this discussion made me realise - she sounds to me like she's gonig for a lot of comfort food. It's partly a teen thing anyway (and thankfully tey can often get away with it) but her background has thoroughly predisposed her to this. She needs to learn to understand this about herself and stop self-medicating with food NOW, while she's still young enough to re-learn, or she will have a shorter life span than she deserves. She needs to NOT let her early life shorten her remaining years. Don't let the bad times win. But SHE nees to understand this, you can't tell her. It needs therapy, again. Can you allow unlimited healthy food? Giving her free choice? Like the fruit bowl, or having a range of vegetable sticks and some healthy dips available. Another important tip for her - drink plenty of water. If she is aware that she needs to control her comfort eating, try to remind her to have a drink of water (or similar non-sugary watery drink, such as lo-cal drink) BEFORE she eats something. Drink, then wait five minutes. She may find she ewasn't hungry after all, but thirsty. I've made myself some frozen icy pole things using lo-cal cordial. Sometimes eating one of those helps me feel like I've had enough of a snack, but without the calories. it also puts more fluid into me, which curbs my appetite. I'm then more likely to take my time and choose something healthier and smaller portion. As for the broter - I think it's a bloke thing as well as a teen thing. easy child 2/difficult child 2's ex-boyfriend would eat us out of house and home. And I remember back to my student days, I was ina share house with three 19-year-old males with huge appetites. We'd take turns cooking and we found cheap sources of ground beef. I remember beginning with a kilo of ground beef to make a pot of chili con carne, padding it with a tin of kidney beans and cooked pasta. I'd planned on leftovers for lunch but they ate the lot. So the following week, I cooked 2 Kg of ground beef, added 2 tins of beans and doubled the pasta. They still ate the lot! And complained that the food bill for that week was twice as big! Teenagers, especially boys, are like lions. When food is available, they stuff themselves to store it for later, then they go sleep under a tree to digest it for the next however many hours. Marg [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
How do you??
Top