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How has parenting a difficult child changed you?
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<blockquote data-quote="Calamity Jane" data-source="post: 562449" data-attributes="member: 13882"><p>Oh, Trinity. My difficult child is a substance abuser, manipulator extraordinaire and so much more. Parenting him has changed me in the following ways:</p><p>Quite simply, I lost my innocence. That may not be a bad thing, because at the age of 50, I had no business being innocent. But I truly believed that my family was sacrosanct and impervious to the implosion my difficult child visited upon us. But the level of betrayal, and the public humiliation I endured at his hands was Shakespearean - no exaggeration. I witnessed filth and ugliness that I didn't even think existed, and this person was living under my roof, eating my food, using us for everything we had. Every day during that hellish period, I had to get up, function, put a happy face on, and press on through my shame. There was a definite BEFORE and AFTER event, which I won't elaborate upon, and the "me" that existed before that night no longer exists, and the "me" that exists now is on the other side of a fault line the size of the Grand Canyon, across from my difficult child. </p><p>Parenting two adopted children, one of whom is (mostly) a pleasure, and the other who is a difficult child, changed my conception (pardon the pun) of nature vs. nurture from what I formerly believed. I questioned my sanity, my beliefs, my abilities, my common sense; my marriage suffered for a while, and I think some years of my life were shaved off due to stress and lack of sleep. We wasted so much time and money. In the end, the truth is, you can't make someone love you, and I can live with that. Respect is what I can't live without.</p><p>My faith in people and even for a while, my faith in God was shaken to the core. I've had to make a daily, conscious decision ever since to not become embittered - it's been humbling, to say the least! I may look the same, but I am very much transformed; I'm much stronger and more resilient having gone through this. Snow White became Nobody's Fool. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to unload.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Calamity Jane, post: 562449, member: 13882"] Oh, Trinity. My difficult child is a substance abuser, manipulator extraordinaire and so much more. Parenting him has changed me in the following ways: Quite simply, I lost my innocence. That may not be a bad thing, because at the age of 50, I had no business being innocent. But I truly believed that my family was sacrosanct and impervious to the implosion my difficult child visited upon us. But the level of betrayal, and the public humiliation I endured at his hands was Shakespearean - no exaggeration. I witnessed filth and ugliness that I didn't even think existed, and this person was living under my roof, eating my food, using us for everything we had. Every day during that hellish period, I had to get up, function, put a happy face on, and press on through my shame. There was a definite BEFORE and AFTER event, which I won't elaborate upon, and the "me" that existed before that night no longer exists, and the "me" that exists now is on the other side of a fault line the size of the Grand Canyon, across from my difficult child. Parenting two adopted children, one of whom is (mostly) a pleasure, and the other who is a difficult child, changed my conception (pardon the pun) of nature vs. nurture from what I formerly believed. I questioned my sanity, my beliefs, my abilities, my common sense; my marriage suffered for a while, and I think some years of my life were shaved off due to stress and lack of sleep. We wasted so much time and money. In the end, the truth is, you can't make someone love you, and I can live with that. Respect is what I can't live without. My faith in people and even for a while, my faith in God was shaken to the core. I've had to make a daily, conscious decision ever since to not become embittered - it's been humbling, to say the least! I may look the same, but I am very much transformed; I'm much stronger and more resilient having gone through this. Snow White became Nobody's Fool. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to unload. [/QUOTE]
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