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How has parenting a difficult child changed you?
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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 562560"><p>This is a great question and I'm sure if I wasn't rushing a bit at the moment, I would go on for hours.</p><p>Sadly, there are many negatives for me associated with having a difficult child...especially early on, but most, if not all of it, with great effort, has ended up well. </p><p></p><p>I/we adopted a child (my difficult child), due to health problems. I believe the stress worsened them and I'm even paying in that matter today (many years later). That, to me, is the biggest tragedy, along with having times of great difficulty in my marriage...a marriage that was and is often the envy of all my friends. But, then again, perhaps it would not have been so strong if it weren't for our difficult child. I'm not sure. Today: We are strong, happy and successful and I am very proud and grateful for that. </p><p></p><p>I lost my career because between health problems and difficult child turmoil; it just simply was too much.</p><p>Our bio/mostly easy child son reacted badly to things .... and that was very hard on him and on us. However, today he is a super easy child, very understanding, kind, patient and a very SUCCESSFUL teacher...perhaps from the difficulties he witnessed with having a difficult child in the home. On the negative side...he will have very very little to do with his difficult child sibling. </p><p></p><p>About three years ago or so, I got a Master's Degree in a related field and worked for two years helping mostly young difficult children. It was very rewarding. Both in grad school and afterwards, it was "interesting," how much more I knew than some of my classmates and even one or two of the professors.</p><p></p><p>I've been very sick for about seven months now and my prayer is that if God grants me better health that I will be able to help difficult child children and/or parents some way in the future.</p><p></p><p>My husband, who has avoided bitterness throughout this ordeal, has been feeling that sentiment of late and it has been painful to witness. He does love difficult child deeply...as we all do.</p><p></p><p>One very tough way it has changed me now that my difficult child is older, is the very very hard lesson in detachment. That was profound. I have had to turn it all to a Higher Power and it has been the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.</p><p></p><p>It has been an <strong>extraordinarily hard and profoundly difficult </strong>road and I am proud that to a large extent, things have turned out well. The struggle was ENORMOUS. It took everything we had to move forward, with little and often no help from others. in my humble opinion, we were wise to seek family counseling now and again.</p><p></p><p>It would be impossible to fully describe the level of difficulty involved to get to this point. It completely changed the trajectory of my life. Perhaps if we had more familial help, that would not have been the case...I'm just not sure.</p><p> To answer your question specifically: <u><strong><em>It made me a little stronger, more reliant on my HIgher Power, more cautious, more intuitive and stick a little closer and love my husband a little harder. I also ended up with a Master's Degree in the area where my difficult child has her illness. Sadly, it also may have exacerbated my medical health issues. </em></strong></u></p><p><u><strong><em></em></strong></u></p><p><u><strong><em></em></strong></u>I am most grateful that by and large, with great difficulty and effort, we moved forward and ended up well.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 562560"] This is a great question and I'm sure if I wasn't rushing a bit at the moment, I would go on for hours. Sadly, there are many negatives for me associated with having a difficult child...especially early on, but most, if not all of it, with great effort, has ended up well. I/we adopted a child (my difficult child), due to health problems. I believe the stress worsened them and I'm even paying in that matter today (many years later). That, to me, is the biggest tragedy, along with having times of great difficulty in my marriage...a marriage that was and is often the envy of all my friends. But, then again, perhaps it would not have been so strong if it weren't for our difficult child. I'm not sure. Today: We are strong, happy and successful and I am very proud and grateful for that. I lost my career because between health problems and difficult child turmoil; it just simply was too much. Our bio/mostly easy child son reacted badly to things .... and that was very hard on him and on us. However, today he is a super easy child, very understanding, kind, patient and a very SUCCESSFUL teacher...perhaps from the difficulties he witnessed with having a difficult child in the home. On the negative side...he will have very very little to do with his difficult child sibling. About three years ago or so, I got a Master's Degree in a related field and worked for two years helping mostly young difficult children. It was very rewarding. Both in grad school and afterwards, it was "interesting," how much more I knew than some of my classmates and even one or two of the professors. I've been very sick for about seven months now and my prayer is that if God grants me better health that I will be able to help difficult child children and/or parents some way in the future. My husband, who has avoided bitterness throughout this ordeal, has been feeling that sentiment of late and it has been painful to witness. He does love difficult child deeply...as we all do. One very tough way it has changed me now that my difficult child is older, is the very very hard lesson in detachment. That was profound. I have had to turn it all to a Higher Power and it has been the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. It has been an [B]extraordinarily hard and profoundly difficult [/B]road and I am proud that to a large extent, things have turned out well. The struggle was ENORMOUS. It took everything we had to move forward, with little and often no help from others. in my humble opinion, we were wise to seek family counseling now and again. It would be impossible to fully describe the level of difficulty involved to get to this point. It completely changed the trajectory of my life. Perhaps if we had more familial help, that would not have been the case...I'm just not sure. To answer your question specifically: [U][B][I]It made me a little stronger, more reliant on my HIgher Power, more cautious, more intuitive and stick a little closer and love my husband a little harder. I also ended up with a Master's Degree in the area where my difficult child has her illness. Sadly, it also may have exacerbated my medical health issues. [/I][/B][/U]I am most grateful that by and large, with great difficulty and effort, we moved forward and ended up well. [/QUOTE]
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