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Substance Abuse
How long to keep him under my thumb...
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 619849" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I'm not sure w hat to tell you. You're right, of course. You can't keep him in forever or he'll sneak out. My daughter used to get out at night through her window. And anywhere he goes, he could find his crowd and do things that you don't want him to do. And, if he is using drugs, he will lie to you because drug users lie.</p><p></p><p>I don't remember your story specifically. It would be helpful if you did a signature, like I did below your post to help jolt our memories. Does he go to school? If so, he is coming into contact with people who are not the greatest. The fact is, the older they get, the less control we have, but we do have some playing points if they are not yet eighteen (or even if they are). First, we can drive them to and from each event. If they may possibly get intoxicated, I would tell him he has not yet earned your trust to drive again and that this will take a while. You can drug test him after he gets home from any event (it's not perfect, but it may curtail his activities). You can give him an early curfew when you will be there to pick him up, which will give him less time to "hang out." I used to tell my daughter I was going to drive by the event she was at to make sure she was actually there. I didn't always do it, but sometimes I did. And sometimes she wasn't there.</p><p></p><p>I got accused angrily of "you don't trust me!"</p><p></p><p>I said, "You have to earn my trust back and it will take a long time."</p><p></p><p>In the end, she never did straighten out in our house and we had to make her leave. And homeschooling her the last two years, refusing to let her drive our vehicles (hiding the keys too) and thinking I had my eye on her all the time didn't work. I don't know how she did it, but she still got and used drugs. So, in a way, we ARE damned if we do and damned if we don't, however once our kids are in their teens there is no way we can 100% know what they are up to. We can just try.</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry you are in this situation. It isn't fun. Sometimes it feels like a losing battle, like we've lost control of our own kids. You can always do rehab again if he slips...and I'd let him know that. Big hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 619849, member: 1550"] I'm not sure w hat to tell you. You're right, of course. You can't keep him in forever or he'll sneak out. My daughter used to get out at night through her window. And anywhere he goes, he could find his crowd and do things that you don't want him to do. And, if he is using drugs, he will lie to you because drug users lie. I don't remember your story specifically. It would be helpful if you did a signature, like I did below your post to help jolt our memories. Does he go to school? If so, he is coming into contact with people who are not the greatest. The fact is, the older they get, the less control we have, but we do have some playing points if they are not yet eighteen (or even if they are). First, we can drive them to and from each event. If they may possibly get intoxicated, I would tell him he has not yet earned your trust to drive again and that this will take a while. You can drug test him after he gets home from any event (it's not perfect, but it may curtail his activities). You can give him an early curfew when you will be there to pick him up, which will give him less time to "hang out." I used to tell my daughter I was going to drive by the event she was at to make sure she was actually there. I didn't always do it, but sometimes I did. And sometimes she wasn't there. I got accused angrily of "you don't trust me!" I said, "You have to earn my trust back and it will take a long time." In the end, she never did straighten out in our house and we had to make her leave. And homeschooling her the last two years, refusing to let her drive our vehicles (hiding the keys too) and thinking I had my eye on her all the time didn't work. I don't know how she did it, but she still got and used drugs. So, in a way, we ARE damned if we do and damned if we don't, however once our kids are in their teens there is no way we can 100% know what they are up to. We can just try. I'm sorry you are in this situation. It isn't fun. Sometimes it feels like a losing battle, like we've lost control of our own kids. You can always do rehab again if he slips...and I'd let him know that. Big hugs. [/QUOTE]
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How long to keep him under my thumb...
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