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General Parenting
How many of us found good results when we changed ourselves?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 607289" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I love this post. I think it should have been on "Watercooler" so everyone could participate.</p><p></p><p>Nothing changed for my kids until I did. Having my own life has freed my kids, and did even when they were younger. When I stopped attaching my own worth to their achievements, it was good for everybody. 35 did not get that. I breathed when he did. My life was almost 100% devoted to "helping" him. What a burden for a child! Perhaps that is why he has it so hard now. He still is very resentful if I won't spend 100% of my time on his problems. Jeez! I was always overly concerned with him, always excusing him, always finding my own ways to make his behavior better, but he is 35 now and is still struggling in every area of life. </p><p></p><p>The best thing I ever did for my kids was to fight for their rights, but to allow them space from my angst about them as well and for them to see ME enjoying life even when they were struggling. The evidence is the difference between 35, who was born smart (gifted) with many academic skills that he never really used, and Sonic, who was born with cocaine in his system. Sonic got the benefit of my ability to detach and not take things personally and he is, in spite of his disability, a happy, well balanced young man who is far more capable of taking care of his emotions than 35.</p><p></p><p>I read a great book, in the middle of my angst with 35, called "Parents Who Love Too Much." It changed the way I parented forever. Below is the link to this book, if anyone is interested. I met the author. He lived in Chicago and became my therapist for a while.</p><p></p><p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/When-Parents-Love-Too-Much/dp/1568381867" target="_blank">http://www.amazon.com/When-Parents-Love-Too-Much/dp/1568381867</a></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 607289, member: 1550"] I love this post. I think it should have been on "Watercooler" so everyone could participate. Nothing changed for my kids until I did. Having my own life has freed my kids, and did even when they were younger. When I stopped attaching my own worth to their achievements, it was good for everybody. 35 did not get that. I breathed when he did. My life was almost 100% devoted to "helping" him. What a burden for a child! Perhaps that is why he has it so hard now. He still is very resentful if I won't spend 100% of my time on his problems. Jeez! I was always overly concerned with him, always excusing him, always finding my own ways to make his behavior better, but he is 35 now and is still struggling in every area of life. The best thing I ever did for my kids was to fight for their rights, but to allow them space from my angst about them as well and for them to see ME enjoying life even when they were struggling. The evidence is the difference between 35, who was born smart (gifted) with many academic skills that he never really used, and Sonic, who was born with cocaine in his system. Sonic got the benefit of my ability to detach and not take things personally and he is, in spite of his disability, a happy, well balanced young man who is far more capable of taking care of his emotions than 35. I read a great book, in the middle of my angst with 35, called "Parents Who Love Too Much." It changed the way I parented forever. Below is the link to this book, if anyone is interested. I met the author. He lived in Chicago and became my therapist for a while. [URL]http://www.amazon.com/When-Parents-Love-Too-Much/dp/1568381867[/URL] [/QUOTE]
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How many of us found good results when we changed ourselves?
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