Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Shari, Apr 29, 2008.
Just curious how much this happens.
I've had it negatively influence my work and health. It's been 20 years...and my memory isn't so swift...but I don't think I really lost any jobs. But I do know for sure that it has been a negative influence.
Well, I can't say that I've ever lost my job out of the house because of her. I was taken off of work when pg with her because of major heart problems & we decided I would be a stay at home mom anyway for a few years. I started babysitting shortly after she was born.....I have lost quite a few babysitting jobs because of her AND have not been able to go back to work because of her (unless I work when husband is home evenings & Sundays~which I have a few times). So, I guess I can say I'm "limited" on what I can do as a job because of her demands. We have tried a few times to place her in daycare programs that "claim" they work with special needs children & it is VERY short lived. I'm gonna give it a try again next school year when my chances of her being able to stay in school all day hopefully are going to be greater with her new placement!
Fired from one because I had to take too much time off, quit two others and lived off of savings because she was in crisis mode. Finally became self-employed.
I never lost a job, because of a particular thing the kids did, or missing work. I did have to severely modify my hours and then stop working when it became clear that my home (and no one else's in the area) wasn't safe unless I was there to take care of it and make sure that M was where he was supposed to be doing what he was supposed to do.
I lost one (I filed for unemployment and homeschooled difficult child until this month) so I guess I had to take the good with the bad. Now that we moved and I had to find a new job, I was forced to find one where they are willing to be flexible with my schedule if need be. I am so used to the phone ringing during the day with that little voice on the other end hysterically crying about something/anything that happened at school and then the words, "mom, you HAVE to come get me!" Sometimes I leave her there, but other times I know by the tone of her voice she really NEEDS me to come get her. It's so hard to find an employer who will deal with that (especially when you are just starting employment) It may sound silly. but I so look forward to summer. difficult child will still find a way to get in trouble - but it's not like the daily phone calls I'm used to. It's one of those "bad mommy thoughts", but I can't WAIT till she's done with school.
What a great question...I have thought about this a lot.
If I had not been at my company for 11 years (with a great reputation for my work ethic and a GREAT and understand boss) difficult child would have definitely caused me to lose my job. Between daycare issues, school issues, doctor appointment and numerous "I am too sick to go to school \ stay in school".
I lost my job due to company closing in December. husband and I made the decision that I need a job with flexibility. So I have now changed careers and do sales. THANK GOD because difficult child has caused more issues in the last four months than ever before. I would have CERTAINLY lost any "normal" job.
The other question I have (and I am sure I know the answer) is how many of you have lost your husband or significant other because of having to live\parent a difficult child.
If I didn't work for such a great firm, I would have been fired a long time ago. I have been here 3 years. Within 2 weeks of starting my job, my husband died, so I had that to cope with. Then it has been one thing after another, doctors appts, etc. And then when things started getting bad with difficult child, it has been A LOT of missed time because of him. I am able sometimes to work through lunch so I can leave an hour early for appts, but sometimes you can't get appts late in the day. I try when possible to work through lunch to make up for at least some of the hours that I miss during the week, they have been really good about that. I use up all of my sick leave, sometimes using into the next month. I received my new vacation for 2008 at the end of March, and I have already used 7 out of 10 days because of difficult child.
When I had my last review in November. One of my bosses told me that he completely understands, that my job is not at risk, that I am just missing out on certain opportunities right now, but there will be other opportunities down the road. He is very family oriented. He doesn't necessarily understand and agree with everything that I am going through with difficult child, but he understands the need for a parent to deal with and cope with their child.
I worked at my job several years with perfect attendance and overtime weekly...never took vacation time, simply took cash in lieu of vacation time, as we seriously needed the cash. difficult child began to get more symptomatic and wrap, sass, respite, mentor, were not helpful enough, more often made things even more difficult for difficult child and my job.....and husband did not work due to his own serious health issues.
Eventually I took FML, but, then difficult child became so obviously much worse that by the time she was in middle school, it was very clear something had to dramatically change. Sadly about the same time I was faced with life threatening illness of my own....
I wound up being unable to work. The side benefit was with me home, things did change, for the better, except, of course, for financially. Financially we were devastated. Then when my son hurt his eye it became even more clear, I would not be able to go back to work anytime soon, becuz his eye involved making a 5 hour trip one way every week for over a year. And it involved treatment for his eye that others may not properly attend to.
THere was a very short time husband and I both did work, and we ALWAYS worked opposite shifts from each other becuz we never could find child care for difficult child. Plus the cost of chiild care was actually more than what I made at my jobs back then.
It sure is not always easy to find the good balance in meeting all the needs of all the members of a family. :-( Illness of almost any type in very many families does create difficult issues. Caregivers are not always easy to find, and are often prohibitively expensive. Jobs can be very hard to hold when you have dependants of any age to provide care for, and paying for the care can require some to learn to be quite creative. This can be true whether it is your children, your spouse or your parents who require supervision or care.
I freelance, partly because of my difficult child, and partly because I am just not a corporate person. I would have been fired 10X over by now.
It is a miracle truly a blessing from God that I have never lost a job considering all that I have gone through with my son. I have always worked professional level jobs where either I was in charge or worked very self directed where coming and going did not affect my ability to get my work done. I have no set schedule that anyone cares about as long as I am at work for core business hours.
The problem is that when I have to leave early, come in late, miss time, leave in the middle of the day, not come in at all, the work still has to get done. So I take work home. Come in at night. Come in on the weekends trying to get things done that I was not able to do during the work day.
It takes time away from my other son and leaves me exhausted. But I still feel thankful. There are many, many types of jobs I could not have been able to keep with all of these crises over the years. Imagine a doctor who had to leave in the middle of surgery when her kid got kicked out of another daycare? Or a lawyer who left in the middle of a trial when her kid got suspended and she had to pick him up. Or a customer service rep who spent more time on the phone with her child's care giver than she did helping customers.
I guess in the midst of all of this, things could be worse and I have to remind myself of that.
Yes, thats part of the problem I faced--I did direct hands on patient care....if I had to leave, there might not BE someone to take care of the patients at all.....and my patients were very dependant, many of them quadriplegics or comatose etc.....and I was not reachable at work, to my difficult child or anyone else....phone calls were not put thru to us at work. It did create several problems.
I didn't lose my job but I did elect to quit due to difficult child and his needs. We took a significant cut in income but it has made a world of difference in my stress level. I quit to homeschool difficult child and it has made a world of difference academically for him.
I haven't lost ajob yet, but I am feeling like that may actually be coming if things continue the way it is right now. In the last month, I have used over 30 hours of sick/personal/vacation time. I am in a highly demanding job that requires that I actually be working. I work with DSS as an education specialist--meaning for all kids in group homes, hosptials, and Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s whose bio families live in my DSS' Area office (10 towns), I have to attend thier IEP meetings, ensure appropriate IEP's are written, hold school accountable, etc. I have meetings all over (up to 3 hr drives each way) every day. So when I have to leave or difficult child has a scheduled appointment, I have to find someone who can cover my meetings, prepare them for the meeting and get them the kid's file. And until the last month, things were going well enough that it wasn't interferring with my job. My employer completely understands given the field I am in, however, given the field I'm in, we both understand that I have to be at work. I'm considering looking for another less demanding job, but it's hard to start a new job while in chaos.
As for my s2bx, well he is a bad man, but because of difficult child it was more imperative to get out of the relationship asap. I think it would be the same whether she was a difficult child or easy child.
I am the most spoiled employee! When I returned to work after my 1st chlld, I started 1/2 time. When a new computer system was introduced I was asked 3 times to increase to full time but I said, "No, I will give you 10 more hours per week but not full time." The person wanting me on the project said she would rather have me 60 hours than someone else 80 hours. When the office was closed, I was off work 3 months. When a position opened for 1/2 time I was able to come back. I then took a 2 hr/day job on top of that. The 2 hr/day job ended January 2007 so I am back to only 1/2 time. This fall when my difficult child started falling apart and we didn't have a clue what was going on, I called my supervisor, "I don't know what is wrong with my son, but I need to go to school with him and he still can't last all day. I don't know when I can get in to work - I will try my best." My supervisor asked that I call a different person who is now my supervisor. This new supervisor did not know me. Great, here I am with a new supervisor and I am not going to work!!! I thought for sure I would loose my job. My difficult child was upset but I told him that if I can't work here I would find someplace or just not work for awhile. When I did finaly get to work when my supervisor was also in, he called me into his office and told me that I can be flexible. So, I try my very best to work the hours I am scheduled (8:30 - 12:30) but am so appreciative that I can work different hours to make up for missed time. I look back this fall and figured with all the time I missed, I only used 2 hours sick leave because I was able to make up time nights and weekends. Those 2 hours were lost only because there were too many holiday days in November to make up time (I couldn't use holiday days to make up time).
I have considered resigning, however, I really love my job - it is my stress relief from being a parent. Why did I ever think I would be good at this? Guess just because I am good with kids doesn't mean I am good with my own.
When husband and I first got together, and I was starting to learn first hand what it meant to be mom to a difficult child, I had 3 contracts in a row that were ended early by my clients, all due to performance issues.
My field is a small one and everyone knows each other, so I was afraid that I would be branded as unreliable. Fortunately, my last few clients have been very flexible and understanding, assigning me work that can be completed anywhere, and that isn't time-sensitive, so if midnight to 5 am is the only time I can fit in the work, then that is when I work.
It's been a rocky road, but worth it.
In a way I did. I was demoted because of a situation, which in retrospect I can see was caused largely in part due to difficult child stress. I took the demotion as a wake up call, and quit my job to homeschool difficult child. I decided I could not look back when he was 25 and regret anything. At the time, I thought he needed me and the flexibility I could offer him, more than any one thing. Again, in retrospect, I am not sure it was the best choice - however - the demotion started the ball rolling - and you never know if when he is 25, I will not look back and decide it was the best thing.
My job thankfully is very understanding, but I am only PT, to go FT would be a whole new set of rules and I could not make the cut with all the time I am leaving work for difficult child's.
I love my job and co-workers, I just do not get paid when I am not there, sick or on vacation.
One day at a time
Bone of contention -
More of a lost job due to school NOT following IEP properly -
Single Mom -
to start 40K a year
With company car
Decorating consultant for my office -
Carte blanche on office equipment
10 years ago
Yup - GONE..........
And one other that I basically said when I was told I was no longer helpful, my personal life was interferring with my "real" job, and my job should come first over my family.....I stood up and said
WHOT?? EWE DON' LIKE IT........WELL (OBSCENE OBSCENE) - and shut the door like I was going to slam it and then shut it quietly. Jerks.
-Heard a couple years later one of the women ended up with a daughter like Dude - and they let her go. I bumped into her and she told me what she and the other woman did to me over my sons medical problems were wrong - and that she was also let go - but left in tears -=not the dramatic fake English accent and pretend door slam I did - lol (we both got a chuckle out of it later)
I haven't lost a job but have had to use up a lot of sick time due to difficult child. It's so frustrating.
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