How many of you have....

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by tracyf551, Feb 13, 2009.

  1. tracyf551

    tracyf551 New Member

    had things stolen from your homes by difficult child's? (and you know it could been no one else) We have had so many things stolen and come up missing I'm still finding out day by day things aren't where they used to be.
    LIST:
    3 socket (tools) sets.
    dvd's
    jewelry
    clothing (my easy child 1 and easy child 2's)
    money
    food
    craftsman cordless drill
    cd players
    mp3 players
    brand new bicycle (locked)
    youngest easy child's new school shoes and new school clothes
    etc, etc, etc...


    Not sure what else at this time but tomorrow is a new day. We know it could of been no one else because our boxer won't let ANYONE in the house. difficult child either came in and took it himself or he came in and put the dog outside and let someone in. We have since put him out and put new locks on all the windows (he broke all the old ones). Things are missing less and less now.
    Just thought I'd ask if anyone had this experience.
     
  2. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    My hand is raised and waving in the air. My difficult child stole from us when he was using. He once stole almost all of my jewelry and pawned it. The pawn shop owner recognized him and put it aside. He actually couldn't pawn it, he had a friend help. I charged both of them. He later went on to steal from others. He stole gas if he wanted to go somewhere. Eventually he stole too much and went to jail, where I allowed him to sit for 23 days. He is now a convicted felon. He has not stolen anything since---but if something goes missing...I tend to think UH OH. Recently $10 dollars disappeared from my pocketbook. It turns out the dog stole it...but my first thought was difficult child.
     
  3. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Mine still lives at home and yes, it is always an issue. But, I do know that when a difficult child leaves home and it is discussed on the boards, changing locks and securing the house is the FIRST thing mentioned. That kind of thing happens all too often. I can see my difficult child doing it when he finally leaves. For him, I don't think it will be stealing out of malice but rather "shopping" for himself.

    All I can tell you is to secure everything as much as possible. I've also heard people mention that they will notify the local police that difficult child is no longer a resident of your home and is not allowed there with no one home.
     
  4. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Yes, Rob robbed us blind....and burglarized our neighbors on several occasions (talk about incredible humiliation for us :bag: ), not to mention shoplifting, and stealing from friends, even as a young child.

    sigh.

    Thank goodness, I'm old and my memory is fading...those years were incredibly painful and best left behind.

    Suz
     
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I'm up on my tiptoes with my arm stretched way up waving around going "
    Ohhhh Ohhhh Ohhhh!"

    At 22 Travis still does not "get" this boundary. He is 90 percent better than he used to be. But he does not understand that just because it is in the home doesn't mean it's free for him to use/borrow/take just because he wants/needs it.

    For him this is a personal space thing he doesn't get, just like when he walks behind you and walks all over your heels. Or when he talks to you he is nose to nose unless you push him back a bit. Not malicious. Not entitlement. Hard to explain, but we've had long discussions with both neuros and Occupational Therapist (OT) over it.

    But in my opinion, Travis still has to somehow get he shouldn't do it. So, anything he takes/borrows that isn't his, he has to replace. Doesn't matter if it's food or a personal object.

    Nichole went thru a period of "helping herself".

    My biggest difficult child (husband) is my biggest problem. Which is why my student loan refund is safely tucked into the pocket of my robe while I'm sitting at my desk typing this. It hasn't left my sight since I cashed the check a week ago.

    Does that answer you question?? :rofl:
     
  6. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Well, yes. Mostly spare change and some other money left out (in her opinion, free for her taking). She once stole my wedding band, but we later found out it was stress induced hoarding after she was assaulted. I am certain she's also taken things from friends and her sister.
     
  7. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Yep difficult child took all kinds of things. Just recently husband commented on how quickly the change jar fills up now that difficult child is out of the house. -RM
     
  8. C.J.

    C.J. New Member

    With N*, it's not so much "stealing" to profit, it's the attitude: If it's in the house - ANYWHERE - it must be mine to use.

    I'll be applying makeup in the morning, reach into the make up bag for mascara (or blush, eye shadow, eye liner, moisturizer, tweezers, etc.) only to find it missing. It's just me, N* and the dog in the house. When I wake N* and ask for the missing item, the answer is always the same. "Why do you blame everything on me?" I always respond, "Because the dog doesn't know where I keep it."

    The other day, as she returned from an overnight visit with some Dumb*** she met on myspace, I saw she was wearing my high school class ring. When I asked her about that, she said I gave her permission to wear some of my jewelry a few months ago. Huh? I don't have much - the class ring, a pearl necklace from my mother as a graduation present, a few pairs of gold earrrings, and a few assorted rings, bracelets - mostly no value. I told her I might have given her permission to borrow a pair of earrings, once, but that did not mean she could rummage through my belongings like they were in a yard sale.

    I learned long ago to keep my purse locked up in my car, have my keys and cell phone on me at all times, and carry little cash.

    I didn't replace my 17 year old tv until last year when it finally gave out, and won't replace my home computer (large tower, 10 year old monitor - bulky) while N* still lives with me. Fortunately, the personal possessions I value the most are my books, and N* could care less about those.
     
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh I am screaming "me, me me"!!!!!

    Cory was horrible for stealing from a very young age and I finally had enough and charged him with felony check fraud in 2007-3 counts. He forged 3 checks to the tune of $1200. He also got his brother for $100. He has taken change from around the house, prescription drugs, tools, clothing, pretty much anything not locked down.

    He still comes over and borrows a tool or two and will shop in my freezer or cabinets once in a really blue moon but he asks first now. Big improvement. Our change jars also fill up a whole lot faster...lol. We dont tempt him completely. We have told him we have a change jar to save up for christmas for the girls but we dont leave it out. I also still keep my medications locked up tight. Maybe one day I can completely trust him but not yet.
     
  10. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    Yes - things were stolen from our house. It was always some of his friends that did the stealing or they were sold to pay for the drugs that he had already bought. Many things in the garage went missing because they were pawned or sold for drugs.
     
  11. tracyf551

    tracyf551 New Member

    Oh I forgot to add to the list of missing items....about $800 in a nascar collection. husband has collected these things for years and we once looked up what some of them are worth. (bout $800) He went from having 50 or so diecast cars to about 26. (many other nascar related items also)
    If anyone knows about this type of collection you know they can go up in value. husband was planning on giving each one of the kids a share of the items when they got older, well now there's really not much left. We boxed up what was left and locked it in our bedroom.
    SAD:(
     
  12. Mara11

    Mara11 mara11

    Yee gawds am I finding this one...

    I've watched S3 empty out his own larger items for years..guitars (one was a signed Paul Stanley electric), PSP, XBox, computer, games etc. I was really sad to see that stuff fade out...I didn't pay for them, his dad did. It wasn't up to me to feel badly about them, but I know that is how his dad was trying to show some sort of connection and the XBox 360 he earned with a perfect A1c (Diabetic quarterly blood sugar level). They all either went to pawnshops or to be used to barter for Pot or to help friends pay for their own rent/food/bail. He's been doing this since he was 15.

    I know S3 was taking things like cigs and food from his bro's houses. I knew he was going in to my room and taking all of my change and I hid his own lunch money, so I'd have it to give to him while he was at school. Then there was the taking of food from my room. I had to hide anything sweet or snacky in my room, but then he started finding my stash points. What really hurt was that twice I found a ring that my Granny had gotten made for me from a stone my Grandfather had gotten for her just before he passed on. The first time he didn't know I'd found it in his room. The second time I caught him wearing it and demanded it back and told him why it was important to me. I really don't want to have to lock my room, but it is time. Every time something goes missing he denies it to the teeth that he's had anything to do with it. Now, I have a nasty habit of my own of going through his room to see what was taken from my room.

    The latest was when I went through my DVD's for the first time in a year. HALF of them are just plain old gone. Clean ****** me off. Most of them I grab out of sale bins or racks from places like Blockbuster and they were hard to find there in the first place. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I told him I was going to be locking the house up tight during the day now (he is basically living away from here). His reaction was for me to leave his bedroom window open so he could get in..HUH? No clue that I'm telling him he's not allowed in unless I'm here now. I really don't want to have to be blunt and tell my child he's locked out on purpose, but it is heading that way.

    It is sad, and angering and painful to set up battle walls with my own son. I know that every thing I do to begin to defend myself and protect my own sanity will push him further and further away. :sad-little:
     
  13. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    That's a yup! Tools, CDs, my beautiful 34th anniversary ring. They stole my sense of trust and my dignity as well....
     
  14. catwoman

    catwoman New Member

    Tools until we locked the garage, then anything he thought we wouldn't notice missing right away. Of course, I refused to believe it was him way back then.
     
  15. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    I'm at the back of the room, waving my hand around.

    difficult child stole money and jewellery. He used to rifle through my desk and take anything that caught his eye...staplers, scissors, cute pencils...whatever. He sometimes shoplifted, and would take things from friends' and neighbours' houses as well.

    The worst was Little PCs toys. He would sneak into husband's workshop and get wire cutters and tin snips, and then shred Little PCs toys into tiny pieces. We used to find the pieces stuffed down the back of furniture, hidden out in the firewood pile, all over.

    Since difficult child's been at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC), we've been able to come out from under lock-down.
     
  16. ScentofCedar

    ScentofCedar New Member

    Admitting your child is stealing from you is one of the hardest things to acknowledge. It seems unbelievable. Such a betrayal....

    husband got it right away. It took me years to agree that one of our children had taken our things. (And I mean years ~ I refused to believe it, and would become angry at husband for even suggesting such a thing.) The other side of that is that the kids steal from themselves, first. difficult child had so many things given him by his grandfather. The value there was so much more than the monetary value of the item. difficult child's grandfather is dead, now. Those things were irreplaceable, even when difficult child sold them. Now, in addition to not having the things, he has nothing from his grandfather, either.

    So sad....

    Barbara
     
  17. Janna

    Janna New Member

    How about B, in June, taking our car (with no permit or license). Driving it up the road, into a turf farm, doing spin outs and slamming the rear end into a tree?

    *sigh*


    *I'd talk about the Motion Lotion he stole from our bedroom last year - but I just don't want to go there.
     
  18. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    LOL Janna.....Cory was doing that when he was a young teen! We caught him eating it lmao
     
  19. tracyf551

    tracyf551 New Member

    MARA11, I did put a lock on my bedroom door along time ago. Oldest easy child also has a lock on his door (I have a key) difficult child was smart though, he used a screwdriver to take the screws out without having to disturb the lock. Like I wouldn't be able to tell. So then I took a drill and stripped the screws. difficult child has not been alowed to come here without one of us being home since I put him out in august. He comes by about 2 times a week. He has never had a key but he has broken all the locks on the windows so I had husband cut heavy dow rods to bar the windows. Then this past summer we went camping for a weekend (easy child was home to watch the house) easy child said the only time he left was to go get something to eat. easy child 2 school shoes we gone. difficult child had not been in the house according to easy child.
    We finally figured it out.... difficult child had taken the AC out of the window and climbed in. Well easy child went nuts. He was upset because difficult child had made it look bad for easy child. Never the less when easy child confronted difficult child (Ididn't get the chance easy child got him first) difficult child lied. I had to pull easy child off of difficult child before they wrecked the house. RUFF DAY THAT WAS!!!!!!!!!
    Moral of the story....locks don't work.
     
  20. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    The list would be too numerous, anything, and everything. Even now, we see what's missing when he's gone. Now it's video games and movies. He honestly thinks he's entitled to anything. He's even said that it's our own fault-We shouldn't let him in, or have him over, because we know what's going to happen. Nice, huh? It's sad, there is not one shred of trust for difficult child. -Alyssa
     
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