How much can one mind really take. It's been a whopper of a month, Rant

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Jody, Jul 22, 2010.

  1. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    My car payment was due on the 16th of July. I went out to go to the doctors office and get my blood pressure checked. They put a boot on the steering wheel. I am disgusted I have been trying very very hard to keep it together and everything is fallng apart. Everything. How much more can one mind take. Buses don't run where I live and I don't know how I am going to be able to keep my job. Ugh. I am beginning to wonder if someone has made a voodoo doll of me and is messing with me real badly. ugh.

    My car has now been repossed, one of my best friends died, my cat died (Mandy) this morning, I have been at the hospital with blinding migraines for two days and my difficult child is getting ready to be a ward of the State. There's no phone, very little food, and just not a whole lot going right with my world. Ugh, this has to get better. SOON.
  2. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Many, many, many hugs and prayers coming your way Jodi!

    Have you seen the psychiatrist for the depression yet? I haven't had a chance to buzz your other post.

    Is there a way that you can car pool for a while until you can straighten out the car issues? I'm wondering if you're sure that it was the bank repo'ing the car vs. an illegal parking fine that caused them to boot it.

    First, I'm sorry about the migraines. They stink out loud and are a misery to deal with. I hope they were able to prescribe something to help them.

    Second, I'm truly sad for you that you lost your friend. She's still standing there for you - you'll encounter her memory time after time when you look for it.

    Third of all, I'm sorry you lost your cat. It's so hard to lose one of our confidants, friends, protectors and comfort givers. It's the unconditional love that they have - no matter what.

    Food? Have you looked into foodstamps? You can also go to various food banks, etc. to help out right now.

    Feel better hon! We're here for you!

  3. Star*

    Star* call 911


    You know - When I thought that things absolutely could NOT have gotten worse something else always happens. If I were to ever write a book about my own life experiences? I may have to call it - "Can you buy a bomb shelter at Walmart by collecting aluminum cans by walking on the side of the road?" Because that's about the only way I know that I may be safe, might get any extra money and could ever find a way to get there to collect them. ---It could take a while to save up to buy a bike, but now I know why street people steal grocery carts....Know what I mean?? Not that I feel closer to them, because of my current situation, but I've been homeless - I just kept thinking - THOU SHALT NOT STEAL. Figured I'd burn in hell for ripping off the Piggly Wiggly, and then where would I be? Square one, with a scorching sun burn and no money for aloe. Pretty sure Satan doesn't have a health plan, but at least the ride there would be free huh?

    Sometimes when everything is going South fast? It's pretty impossible for us to look for any sort of a rainbow or silver lining. All the people around us with good, positive attitudes when our worlds are falling apart just make us want to vomit or smack them. (okay maybe not you - but me? Yeah - whacka-doodle) Perpetual cheeriness on their part didn't seem to help me. It annoyed me. Why? Because MY problems no matter HOW small, no matter HOW insignificant were MY problems - and I only had MY coping skills to deal with fixing them. I didn't have 'YOUR' life history to know what to do, or YOUR tragic past to know that I could overcome this or that because I'd lived it before - I was going through it NOW. So what is the benefit of THAT? Ah.....well that's the part of that worn out cliche - anything that doesn't kill you makes you stronger. The upside to that is - If it does kill you? meh....You'll never know it did (true right?) and if it doesn't? The next time this stuff comes down the pike? You will see it before it happens and head it off because YOU now know it's outcome.

    Yeah - so you might be saying - Well I didn't forsee loosing my JOB Star....I mean I'm not PSYCHIC Star, I didn't PLAN THAT Star so your theory is swiss cheese STAR....and well, to a certain degree you are correct - however; what ARE you learning in the mean time? THAT is what this time/lesson in your life is about. It's not about how much this can HURT you. If you think about it, and ALLOW yourself to become a victim...then that's exactly what you will be - a victim. Just lay down right now - and do nothing - and nothing will happen. Stand back and look at what you CAN do, what you CAN learn, what resources ARE available out there for you and realize that NO AMOUNT OF WORRYING YOURSELF SICK WILL FIX TOOT. NONE...NADA...ZIP....WORRYING HAS NEVER FIXED DOODLELY SQUAT.

    HOWEVER - A GAME PLAN????? Now girl you're talking. But.....(well yes there is always a but, if there wasn't you could not get rid of the poo poo) YOU have to use this time to lean on friends ----(check you are doing that) TWO COOOOOOOOOKIES. GOOD GIRL!!!! Okay - have migraines. THEY ARE STRESS RELATED NO DOUBT. So didn't one friend here say - GET THEE TO A DOCTOR FOR ANTI DEPRESSANTS?
    Hmmmmm? YEs......
    Most county health departments are ON BUS LINES FOR THAT VERY REASOn - and they take (YOU IS INDIGENT NOW) people without money - MAKE AN APPOINTMENT. Can you walk? Ride a bike, Have a friend drive you? TELL THEM YOU ARE ---thinking not so good thoughts. Not suicidal but not thinking good thoughts. It will get you to the head of the class. ONCE YOU GET IN THERE.....ASK FOR SAMPLES of migraine medicine.

    CHECK WITH THEM ABOUT A CLINIC - FREE will probably have to wait ALL DAY to be seen or most of the day or part of a day - but that's the FREE part. And they usually have their own pharmacies.

    A LOT......of outreach ministries have places that donate cars to help people get kidding - didn't know that did you - They aren't pretty - they aren't new, most don't have AC. Some dont' have heat.....But you need to get in the loop of social services world to find out what is out there for Jody.....

    Cut your utilities down to minimum........Need help with that? WE ARE HERE TO HELP.......

    NEED HELP WITH FOOD AND COUPON SHOPPING? OMG - I haven't PAID for toothpaste or girl stuff in months....there are a lot of extreme couponers here.....we love to help.


    This board has financial advisors, bankers, and amazing women - and men that if you ask -----and follow advice given - we're a wonderful help. I myself have taken a few steps close to the edge of HAPPYVILLE ASYLUM and honey - it's a gas....but thinking I am going to be stuck laughing like that for the rest of my days was scarrier than a difficult child.

    What do you need???? We'll start there.

    Personally I need a hug. Did you see what the people I'm puppy sitting for did to me? OMg.....Grrrrr. I think I may go into Yak shaving or something uneventful.

    Take care - If you have clippers and a working knowledge of yaks - hit me up.
    Hugs & Love
    (carefully, pushing the cheese back on yo' cracker girl)
  4. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Jody...hugs. Star's right, there are agencies that can help with utilities, food, and other necessities. Churches, Salvation Army, Catholic Charities are all good resources. How far from a bus line are you? Apply for absolutely everything you might even remotely be eligible for...even if they tell you "no" you aren't out anything.

    Most of us (me included) have been where you are, or darn close to it, and we understand. Take care of you first, even if you need to go to the ER. Sending even more hugs and my sympathies for the loss of your friend and your kitty cat.
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am sorry things are so rough right now. It really stinks.

    You NEED to go to social services to apply for food stamps. Also check to see if your income is low enough to apply for TANF and check with social security to see if you are eligible for SSI. Contact various churches in your area for help. You do NOT have to be a member for many of them to help you. See if there is a Catholic Church or Jewish Synagogue anywhere near you. Both have very well established programs to help those in need, regardless of faith. I know the Catholics don't ask if you are a member, and I don't think the Jewish programs ask, but I could be wrong about them.

    You need antidepressants to help with the depression - trust me, the right one can work miracles. You also NEED a migraine prevention medication as well as a migraine treatment medication. One of the most effective migraine preventatives is beta blockers - dirt cheap medications that lower blood pressure and pulse rates and by doing those things work to prevent migraines. You also may need other types of preventatives and blood pressure medications. MANY blood pressure medications also prevent migraines AND are dirt cheap. Ask the docs to rx the cheapest medications possible. There are quite a few on the Walmart cheap rx list. The first triptan that was sold to treat migraine pain (the most effective migraine treatments are triptans) was imitrex. It is now available in generic as sumatriptan. While it does have side effects, they are manageable for most people. You have probably already had this, but if you haven't the side effects that have been the worst for me are the feeling of pressure on my chest/neck area, like someone has put hands there and is pressing down, and nausea. The pressure does go away after an hour or so. After about a year of taking imitrex the nausea stopped happening unless it hit with the migraine like being hit by lightening. There will NOT be samples of imitrex, but it generally is fairly inexpensive. If you end up needing it often, see if your doctor will rx the 100 mg tablets and you can break them. Many people do not need 100 mgs to get rid of a migraine. The earlier you treat the migraine the less medication you will need. If I catch mine right away I can still get away with 50 mgs. (I was the first person in my TOWN to get a dose of imitrex, back when it was only available as a shot given by a doctor - almost twenty years ago. Even after using it every month, often every WEEK, I can still get relief from just 50 mgs.) The docs may have samples of other triptans - amerge, frova, zomig, maxalt, relpax, and even treximet. Treximet is the newest migraine medication. It is from the makers of imitrex and is actually imitrex and naproxen sodium. If you can take aleve you can get much better relief from imitrex by taking it with 2 tablets of over the counter naproxen sodium, aka aleve.

    Hopefully your daughter will be able to get the help she needs as a ward of the state. Letting her go has to be very hard, but it is also likely to be the best thing for her. Right now you are in no shape to take care of her, even if she was not a difficult child. The added stress of having the difficult child behaviors is part of why your body is in crisis right now. Allow yourself to grieve, work hard to forgive yourself regardless of what other people think or say. Their opinion of you is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!!

    Many gentle hugs.
  6. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    Thank you for all the replies. I am going to have to move, I can see that. Where I live the bus doesn't run, and it's a long long walk to the nearest stop, and it's a cross a dangerous highway. I realized yesterday that I don't have many friends around any longer. 1/Stacey and I can't keep putting things on her all the time. I had to call a friend and ask for a ride home yesterday, I had not talked to her for 6 months or so. Degrading. We weren't fighting she just always makes comments about difficult child needing a good butt whooping. I distanced myself because it was hard to take. I went and got a food order the other day and the food banks here are so low on food, it lasted one day and then till lunch the next day. You can only go every thirty days. We have others but you have to take off from work and go to one building and fill out paperwork, and then take it to a place to get the food. I know it doesn't sound very hard if you are starving, but the time frames are like 9-12, 9-11, I am trying to keep my job and just can't do that, and then the gas tank was on red.
    I was trying to not make major decisions when I am going thru so much, but I see that I am going to have too. I need to find an apartment on the bus route near work, take my next check and get moved. I have a washer and a dryer to sell and a nice 1 1/2 year old refrigerator to sell, plus a few other things. I have talked to my friends and told them of my needs, none have called me with any offers to help. I guess everyone is going thru a lot.

    On the positive note: I made it thru to another day, I made it to work. I want to go to the hospital, it's all just not enough. But I have my dog, that I can't lose. Broady. I just want to run with him, but the car is locked up. I'm losing it, I think I am losing it. I feel like I can't help myself anymore. Weak, undecided and tormented. It's not enought to go thru deaths, difficult child, repossession, but being hungry, can't afford medicine to get better, can't get around to make anything better, no one who cares, (but you guys). Ugh, please pray for me to have some peace.