My daughter lives in another state. She has 4 children, boy 9, girl 7, twin boys 4. The twins start kindergarten next week. I have gone to her home and helped in different years and stayed 3 mons, 9 mons, 10 mons, 6 mons! She has her hands full, the grandfather lives there on the dad's side - it is a large new home. She has to help with all their homework when they get home. Last night she came home from an aftn birthday party with the kids and both kitchen sinks were overflowing with pots and pans, the husband will not ever lift a finger to anything and gets mad if the home is too messy. My problem is that when I go there and daily clean the entire home, dishes and kitchen and keep things picked up all during the day, then she will sit down at the computer most ALL the entire day (on Moms Clubs chats on Facebook). Once last time I was there, seeing she hadn't done anything or picked up one thing in 3 full weeks, I said to her that I came there to HELP her and not to DO ALL her work for her, I didn't come to be a housekeeper, I came to merely "help/assist" her. About 4 times in 6 mons she'll get sarcastic for no reason, and I tell her that she doesn't talk to her friends that way, why me? And she replies that it's because I'm her mom. I've been away (1200 miles) for 9 mons now and because school is starting in 2 weeks, she wants me there again because she is totally overwhelmed, totally. I love being there, absolutely love it because I love each of the kids so, so, so much! I just do not like the fact that I work so hard from 6 a.m. to 7 pm every single day and don't get a single bit of help from my daughter. She picks the kids up from school, takes them to activities every day, faithfully helps them each with their homework - so she is good with the kids in those things. She also makes the meals in the evening for the family. I miss my grandchildren so very much, horribly much, but if I go there again, like she wants me to immediately, I'm afraid I will just be a housekeeper all day long, every day, not even having time to brush my teeth many days until evening. I put the kids to bed at 8:30 but now she has the twins in kindergarten so there's 2 more kids that HAVE to go to bed early. It's hard for her to control all 4 at one time. Forget the husband and grandfather, they will not lift a single finger to anything, EVER. Should I go and help her out for a while and see if she refrains from ALL housekeeping and picking up after herself, and if she doesn't help, just leave?? She really needs help badly - I know, I've taken care of all 4 kids at once and it's hard to totally care for them, the house, the meals, by yourself. I've laid down the rules for her before and when I get there, she gets totally lazy again and doesn't help me at ALL. WHAT SHOULD I DO??