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Parent Emeritus
how much to ''help'' grown kids????
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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 444750"><p>I agree that you are on the right track...but you likely need to take it steps further.</p><p>When grandchildren are involved it does get a tad more complicated, but it is still very important to set limits, boundaries and examples.</p><p>Makes sense to me to try to come up with creative ways that might allow her to keep her current place, without continuing to enable the bd. But, this might mean that the bd make some positive changes that he is not willing to make.</p><p>You might gently explain to her about the lack of accountability of the bd, but it is doubtful that you can ever fully explain it to her to the point that she will "get it." </p><p>She will have to "get this" herself.</p><p>I would greatly limit your involvement and offer minimum help. Perhaps some minor help that will go directly to those kids. That's about it.</p><p>Gently let her know that you are greatly limiting your involvement because you feel that she is a grown woman and needs to understand that she has made a choice to associate with someone who is not pulling his weight. And when this man doesn't pull his own weight, it negatively affects and even drags down the entire family.</p><p>Don't enable her.</p><p>You have made a personal choice not to be dragged down into the drama of it all and that in my humble opinion is a good thing.</p><p>The important thing (and this is HARD) is to emotionally walk away from the drama, hope for the best, but understand that it is out of your hands.</p><p>In the end, you will set a positive example of strength by letting her see that you have hope and faith that she can fix this on her own and </p><p>that you are not afraid to walk away from this type of drama/trauma...that you respect your own right to a good and healthy life.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 444750"] I agree that you are on the right track...but you likely need to take it steps further. When grandchildren are involved it does get a tad more complicated, but it is still very important to set limits, boundaries and examples. Makes sense to me to try to come up with creative ways that might allow her to keep her current place, without continuing to enable the bd. But, this might mean that the bd make some positive changes that he is not willing to make. You might gently explain to her about the lack of accountability of the bd, but it is doubtful that you can ever fully explain it to her to the point that she will "get it." She will have to "get this" herself. I would greatly limit your involvement and offer minimum help. Perhaps some minor help that will go directly to those kids. That's about it. Gently let her know that you are greatly limiting your involvement because you feel that she is a grown woman and needs to understand that she has made a choice to associate with someone who is not pulling his weight. And when this man doesn't pull his own weight, it negatively affects and even drags down the entire family. Don't enable her. You have made a personal choice not to be dragged down into the drama of it all and that in my humble opinion is a good thing. The important thing (and this is HARD) is to emotionally walk away from the drama, hope for the best, but understand that it is out of your hands. In the end, you will set a positive example of strength by letting her see that you have hope and faith that she can fix this on her own and that you are not afraid to walk away from this type of drama/trauma...that you respect your own right to a good and healthy life. [/QUOTE]
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how much to ''help'' grown kids????
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