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how much to ''help'' grown kids????
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 445921" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Round and Round and round and round, and round........and (oh girl....I'm so dizzy) lol. </p><p></p><p>Well hi from right down the road in Columbia - somewhere --</p><p></p><p>My thoughts? She's NOT going to kick BD to da curb. Okay? Never, not gonna happen, she LOVES him, the end. They are a family. HE is not going to get a job. He's got and excuse for his excuses. Whether it's someone has to stay home with the babies or Daycare would be too much for three kids (NOT true in SC with all that TANF help and ABC vouchers plus headstart) no maam that is just phooey. Also he could be going to Day Labor every day and brining home SOMETHING. It does NOT take 2 parents to watch 2 children and a pregnant woman. ESPECIALLY when your light bill is $700.00 AND with 2 kids? No one working? They qualify for all kinds of assistance. So why are you paying the bills? He could be on the phone calling around to get help. AT LEAST. LIHEAP, etc.....come on - you are being played. </p><p></p><p>Anyway. My other thought is - even if you are Grandma? They are adults. Granted hes not acting or behaving like much of an adult, but as my Grandmother would have said "You can't lay up in a bed with a woman, play house, eat her food, make her babies, and then call her Mother for advice on how to fix the roof. Know what I mean?? They got problems? Well - Then HE needs to step up - be a man and fix it. If she's coming to YOU for the "man" part of fixing things in her relationship and YOU are fixing them? HOW IN THE WORLD is he ever going to get the chance to BE THE MAN THAT SHE WANTS TO KEEP HAVING BABIES WITH? and how is he EVER GOING TO BE THE MAN that shows his children how it is to be the MAN that goes to work, earns the money, puts lights on in the house, puts food on the table, and clothes on their back if his wife is always running to grandma to solve all their problems? </p><p></p><p>You want her back? ALL THE WAY? AWAY FROM HIM????? THEN LET HER GO TO HIM to solve HER and HIS problems. STOP BAILING THEM OUT ON ALL COUNTS ESPECIALLY where the GRANDS are concerned because mark my words....the first time she has to sit in the dark house, in the 115 degree heat with 2 babies, PREGNANT, worried about HOW and WHERE they are going to live and the food in the FRIDGE ROTTING.....and NOT HAVE MOM to bail her out and HIM NOT HAVE A CLUE HOW TO FIX IT???? SHe's going to really start to see him for what he is......and the more she gets an EYE FULL OF HOW HE CAN NOT AND WILL NOT SOLVE HER PROBLEMS - THE MORE SHE WILL....loathe him for NOT being the man she wants in her life. </p><p></p><p>Right now? She's got the best of both worlds and absolutely NO reason TO change......she's got him to sleep wtih, and play house with - and YOU to run to and fix things - as long as she nods and says YOU'RE RIGHT MOM now and then - you'll toss her a few thousand to save your Grandkids....and SHE KNOWS IT. Cut her off -----financially ---let her suffer a little.......and let her see how HE takes or rather DOES NOT take care of "HIS" family. Because technically -------isn't that what HE is supposed to be doing? And when she does run back to you? SEND HER BACK TO HIM.......telling her - THAT"S THE MAN YOU PICKED WORK IT OUT. DO that about five times....and I bet you finally when she's had enough? SHe will really be ready to do some domestic violence counseling, get her self esteem back......be able to draw her boundaries, not pick looser boyfriends and move on in her life, get a good paying job, and raise her kids.....and MAYBE someday find a good man that deserves her. IN TIME. But if she goes the way she's going now? WIth you fixing even little things? </p><p></p><p>She's going to either stay with him.......or forever pick loosers. Right now? The choice really - is yours. That's a lot of enabling power over someones life. Lots to think about. </p><p></p><p>If you don't believe me - call a D.V. shelter and ask them - it's a free call....day or night. been there done that..lived it. Got out.......living a good life......15 years of therapy later. </p><p></p><p>Hugs -</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 445921, member: 4964"] Round and Round and round and round, and round........and (oh girl....I'm so dizzy) lol. Well hi from right down the road in Columbia - somewhere -- My thoughts? She's NOT going to kick BD to da curb. Okay? Never, not gonna happen, she LOVES him, the end. They are a family. HE is not going to get a job. He's got and excuse for his excuses. Whether it's someone has to stay home with the babies or Daycare would be too much for three kids (NOT true in SC with all that TANF help and ABC vouchers plus headstart) no maam that is just phooey. Also he could be going to Day Labor every day and brining home SOMETHING. It does NOT take 2 parents to watch 2 children and a pregnant woman. ESPECIALLY when your light bill is $700.00 AND with 2 kids? No one working? They qualify for all kinds of assistance. So why are you paying the bills? He could be on the phone calling around to get help. AT LEAST. LIHEAP, etc.....come on - you are being played. Anyway. My other thought is - even if you are Grandma? They are adults. Granted hes not acting or behaving like much of an adult, but as my Grandmother would have said "You can't lay up in a bed with a woman, play house, eat her food, make her babies, and then call her Mother for advice on how to fix the roof. Know what I mean?? They got problems? Well - Then HE needs to step up - be a man and fix it. If she's coming to YOU for the "man" part of fixing things in her relationship and YOU are fixing them? HOW IN THE WORLD is he ever going to get the chance to BE THE MAN THAT SHE WANTS TO KEEP HAVING BABIES WITH? and how is he EVER GOING TO BE THE MAN that shows his children how it is to be the MAN that goes to work, earns the money, puts lights on in the house, puts food on the table, and clothes on their back if his wife is always running to grandma to solve all their problems? You want her back? ALL THE WAY? AWAY FROM HIM????? THEN LET HER GO TO HIM to solve HER and HIS problems. STOP BAILING THEM OUT ON ALL COUNTS ESPECIALLY where the GRANDS are concerned because mark my words....the first time she has to sit in the dark house, in the 115 degree heat with 2 babies, PREGNANT, worried about HOW and WHERE they are going to live and the food in the FRIDGE ROTTING.....and NOT HAVE MOM to bail her out and HIM NOT HAVE A CLUE HOW TO FIX IT???? SHe's going to really start to see him for what he is......and the more she gets an EYE FULL OF HOW HE CAN NOT AND WILL NOT SOLVE HER PROBLEMS - THE MORE SHE WILL....loathe him for NOT being the man she wants in her life. Right now? She's got the best of both worlds and absolutely NO reason TO change......she's got him to sleep wtih, and play house with - and YOU to run to and fix things - as long as she nods and says YOU'RE RIGHT MOM now and then - you'll toss her a few thousand to save your Grandkids....and SHE KNOWS IT. Cut her off -----financially ---let her suffer a little.......and let her see how HE takes or rather DOES NOT take care of "HIS" family. Because technically -------isn't that what HE is supposed to be doing? And when she does run back to you? SEND HER BACK TO HIM.......telling her - THAT"S THE MAN YOU PICKED WORK IT OUT. DO that about five times....and I bet you finally when she's had enough? SHe will really be ready to do some domestic violence counseling, get her self esteem back......be able to draw her boundaries, not pick looser boyfriends and move on in her life, get a good paying job, and raise her kids.....and MAYBE someday find a good man that deserves her. IN TIME. But if she goes the way she's going now? WIth you fixing even little things? She's going to either stay with him.......or forever pick loosers. Right now? The choice really - is yours. That's a lot of enabling power over someones life. Lots to think about. If you don't believe me - call a D.V. shelter and ask them - it's a free call....day or night. been there done that..lived it. Got out.......living a good life......15 years of therapy later. Hugs - [/QUOTE]
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how much to ''help'' grown kids????
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