How to date with a difficult child?

Discussion in 'Healthful Living / Natural Treatments' started by ShyChelle, Apr 22, 2009.

  1. ShyChelle

    ShyChelle New Member

    When he was younger I dated a bit, but as things got harder I just kind of didn't. Now I am trying again but am worried. Any thoughts or suggestions.
  2. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Back in the day, when I was, really, I'm not that old! I was a single parent for about five years before I remarried.

    My only suggestion would be that you don't introduce the date to the difficult child unless it becomes a serious relationship. I was teaching during the day, had Miss KT velcroed to my butt the rest of the time, and I was so sick of kid stuff I could (and did) scream! I wanted to go out and talk to adults! I wanted someone to bring me food, on a plate, so I could eat with a fork like a civilized person, instead of grabbing grub out of a bag! I wanted to dress up and have some cute guy tell me I looked lovely!

    I understand.
  3. I have a wonderful boyfriend of 3 years. He is wonderful with my difficult child. In the beginning, it was before difficult child got really bad. He has been there through the really bad stuff over the last 2 years. He is quite the gem because he has stuck through it all. He is my rock. When I am having a bad day or a difficult time, I can call him and he will give me the encouragement that I need. We don't live together and he understands when something with the kids needs to take priority. We have discussed living together in the past and we both agreed that as much as we want it, it wasn't the right time for difficult child, that he needed to be more stable. difficult child asked me this last weekend "Mom, when is J going to be my stepdad, because I am ready?" He also turned around and asked him when we were walking to a table at a restaurant "when are you going to be my stepdad?"

    In the beginning though, I agree don't introduce your difficult child until you are sure that it is going to go anywhere. Then do it gradually. If the guy really likes you he will understand when the difficult child will take priority.
  4. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It really depends on the age of your difficult child. Mine was 11 when I started dating my boyfriend. We had just gone through the first year of true GFGness. My boyfriend became my 'getaway guy'. On the weekends my difficult child went to her dad's I escaped to BFs house.
    It took a few months to introduce (actually she had met him a few years before when we had a 6 month long relationship) her to him. Mostly she met him because he invited me to Florida for a week and I wanted difficult child to know who I was going with. She did not accompany us that trip.

    My difficult child has manipulated our relationship from the start. She stresses to this day about us having sex. 6 years into the relationship and she (even at 17) is still worried about it. She tells me when he spends the night she does not sleep at all. I finally told her to get over it. I was not doing anything wrong and she need not worry about a thing. She is much to involved in my life. She thinks about me and what I do too much.

    Anyway, at 17 your son may not even care if you date. I would take it slow and just be open to let him express his thoughts and feelings to you. Sometimes their feelings change what you do, sometimes they do not.

    Last time difficult child told me 'if you can lay on the couch with your boyfriend I can, too.' I told her no way, not in my house. She thought that was not fair. I told her every child says 'its not fair' at some point in their life. If that is what she chooses to not be fair, so be it. Too bad. It took a long time for me to get there though. People have told me for years that she is controlling the house. I felt like I was listening to her feelings and trying to be respectful of them. But, since she has never changed even after 6 years how she feels.....what is one to do?

    Just a bit of a single moms experience with dating while trying to parent a difficult child.