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How to detach when grandkids are involved.
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 622060" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Hi End, I can feel your misery and your confusion and your exhaustion. Gently, I want to say this to you, very gently and kindly, please know that: You will likely do the above, but if she doesn't want to go and listen and do what the psychiatrist recommends, you're just delaying the inevitable, End. </p><p></p><p>We have all learned that we can't make people want to get help. We can't make people want to change. </p><p></p><p>Maybe she will, no one knows, but don't "hang your hat" on that, End. Have Plan B in your mind. And Plan C. Be ready for her not to do what makes perfect sense and the only obvious choice. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Because then you said this, End. And this is profound. In Al-Anon we learn that we are just as crazy as they are. In fact, sometimes crazier, because they have a diagnosis and we really don't. Addiction is a primary diagnosis and other mental illnesses are a primary diagnosis. </p><p></p><p>But what is our diagnosis? The disease of enabling. I don't think that is a primary diagnosis (but maybe it should be!).</p><p></p><p>End, what about going to court for custody and seeing what happens? Maybe their dad will step up and that could be a wonderfully surprising thing (knowing little about his story, I realize, it could also be bad). Maybe you will get custody. Maybe that will shine the full bright light of reality in your daughter's face. Or maybe you will get custody.</p><p></p><p>You already know this. Nothing you have done has helped up until now. You are treading water. And you are really tired.</p><p></p><p>Do one thing different, End. Then, I believe you will be on a different path that will lead to a new place and a better place. For you. </p><p></p><p>You matter. Your wife matters. You are crumbling under this weight. You matter as much as your grandchildren do, End. You really do. </p><p></p><p>I am praying for you all today. Please let us know how things are going. You are not alone, End. We get it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 622060, member: 17542"] Hi End, I can feel your misery and your confusion and your exhaustion. Gently, I want to say this to you, very gently and kindly, please know that: You will likely do the above, but if she doesn't want to go and listen and do what the psychiatrist recommends, you're just delaying the inevitable, End. We have all learned that we can't make people want to get help. We can't make people want to change. Maybe she will, no one knows, but don't "hang your hat" on that, End. Have Plan B in your mind. And Plan C. Be ready for her not to do what makes perfect sense and the only obvious choice. Because then you said this, End. And this is profound. In Al-Anon we learn that we are just as crazy as they are. In fact, sometimes crazier, because they have a diagnosis and we really don't. Addiction is a primary diagnosis and other mental illnesses are a primary diagnosis. But what is our diagnosis? The disease of enabling. I don't think that is a primary diagnosis (but maybe it should be!). End, what about going to court for custody and seeing what happens? Maybe their dad will step up and that could be a wonderfully surprising thing (knowing little about his story, I realize, it could also be bad). Maybe you will get custody. Maybe that will shine the full bright light of reality in your daughter's face. Or maybe you will get custody. You already know this. Nothing you have done has helped up until now. You are treading water. And you are really tired. Do one thing different, End. Then, I believe you will be on a different path that will lead to a new place and a better place. For you. You matter. Your wife matters. You are crumbling under this weight. You matter as much as your grandchildren do, End. You really do. I am praying for you all today. Please let us know how things are going. You are not alone, End. We get it. [/QUOTE]
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