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How to detach when grandkids are involved.
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 632264" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>End, I am so sorry it has come to this, but I think that her being arrested can be a good day for you and for her. </p><p></p><p>You mention above it is likely prescription pills. That is my son's drug of choice: opiates. He has now been in jail 8 or 9 times, several of those times for shoplifting and stealing from an employer. I've lost count. </p><p></p><p>When they use drugs, they steal. The two go together. My difficult child has stolen from me, his dad, the neighbors, total strangers, businesses and who knows who else? That's just what I know of, which is ALWAYS the tip of the iceberg only. </p><p></p><p>What your daughter decided to do, stealing from the people who turned her in, is 100 percent on her. The decision of what to do next has been taken out of your hands. Others are deciding now what will happen. </p><p></p><p>Don't worry. She'll be out soon, likely in less than 60 days, depending on the value of what she stole. Let her stay there. Perhaps it will be a wake up call for her. At the very least, she will dry out, she will be out of YOUR house and she will have time to think.</p><p></p><p>It's up to her, End. You can't do one single thing to stop her, and you already know that.</p><p></p><p>So, End, if you can, and I know how hard it is, let it go, just for today. Focus on you and your wife. Focus on your grandkids.</p><p></p><p>There truly is peace to be had---right now---starting today---regardless of what your daughter does or does not do.</p><p><u><strong></strong></u></p><p><u><strong>Do not bail her out.</strong></u> She is much safer where she is than on the street, doing whatever she does. </p><p></p><p>Ask your wife to read this forum, and she will see the same stories over and over and over again. And End, I am so much better today than I used to be. My son, who is now 25, is homeless. Again. In this town. He wanders around the downtown area, which is about 2 miles from where I live in a 3000 square foot house by myself. He can't stay here, even for one night. For his birthday, which was last week, we didn't have the dinner here, because it is hard for me to have him leave, with nowhere to go, at the end of the evening. </p><p></p><p>End, I am today thinking of myself much more than I am him. That may sound harsh. I love him very very much and I pray for him every day, multiple times a day, but he is making choices. There is a great deal of help out there, and it is up to him to take it or not take it.</p><p></p><p>I just know I can't live with the insanity he brings.</p><p></p><p>There is peace and joy and serenity and contentment for you and your wife, if you are willing to work for it. Al-Anon (go six times until you decide if it is for you) has saved my life and my sanity. It is free. It is wonderful. The people there get it. They care and they provide tremendous support. Buy the Al-Anon literature. Read it. Over and over. Go to NAMI meetings. Write a gratitude list every day. Take care of yourself, physically, spiritually, emotionally. Do something fun. Buy some flowers. Take a nap. Take a walk. Scrub the kitchen floor. Weed the yard. All of these things turn our attention away from our difficult child, and over time, we will learn to integrate the new ways of thinking and behaving more and more and more into our lives.</p><p></p><p>I promise you that if you will work at it, there is a great life to be had for you and your wife, even if your daughter continues on this path. </p><p></p><p>Warm hugs. You matter.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 632264, member: 17542"] End, I am so sorry it has come to this, but I think that her being arrested can be a good day for you and for her. You mention above it is likely prescription pills. That is my son's drug of choice: opiates. He has now been in jail 8 or 9 times, several of those times for shoplifting and stealing from an employer. I've lost count. When they use drugs, they steal. The two go together. My difficult child has stolen from me, his dad, the neighbors, total strangers, businesses and who knows who else? That's just what I know of, which is ALWAYS the tip of the iceberg only. What your daughter decided to do, stealing from the people who turned her in, is 100 percent on her. The decision of what to do next has been taken out of your hands. Others are deciding now what will happen. Don't worry. She'll be out soon, likely in less than 60 days, depending on the value of what she stole. Let her stay there. Perhaps it will be a wake up call for her. At the very least, she will dry out, she will be out of YOUR house and she will have time to think. It's up to her, End. You can't do one single thing to stop her, and you already know that. So, End, if you can, and I know how hard it is, let it go, just for today. Focus on you and your wife. Focus on your grandkids. There truly is peace to be had---right now---starting today---regardless of what your daughter does or does not do. [U][B] Do not bail her out.[/B][/U] She is much safer where she is than on the street, doing whatever she does. Ask your wife to read this forum, and she will see the same stories over and over and over again. And End, I am so much better today than I used to be. My son, who is now 25, is homeless. Again. In this town. He wanders around the downtown area, which is about 2 miles from where I live in a 3000 square foot house by myself. He can't stay here, even for one night. For his birthday, which was last week, we didn't have the dinner here, because it is hard for me to have him leave, with nowhere to go, at the end of the evening. End, I am today thinking of myself much more than I am him. That may sound harsh. I love him very very much and I pray for him every day, multiple times a day, but he is making choices. There is a great deal of help out there, and it is up to him to take it or not take it. I just know I can't live with the insanity he brings. There is peace and joy and serenity and contentment for you and your wife, if you are willing to work for it. Al-Anon (go six times until you decide if it is for you) has saved my life and my sanity. It is free. It is wonderful. The people there get it. They care and they provide tremendous support. Buy the Al-Anon literature. Read it. Over and over. Go to NAMI meetings. Write a gratitude list every day. Take care of yourself, physically, spiritually, emotionally. Do something fun. Buy some flowers. Take a nap. Take a walk. Scrub the kitchen floor. Weed the yard. All of these things turn our attention away from our difficult child, and over time, we will learn to integrate the new ways of thinking and behaving more and more and more into our lives. I promise you that if you will work at it, there is a great life to be had for you and your wife, even if your daughter continues on this path. Warm hugs. You matter. [/QUOTE]
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