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How to detach when grandkids are involved.
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 632273" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Mental illness does not give you a pass on personal responsibility. My brother is schizophrenic, my sister is bi-polar, my daughter has some kind of undiagnosed conduct disorder, none of those illnesses give them the right to steal, break the law, drain another of their money and life force or be a perpetual child. </p><p></p><p>You can decide to support your daughter in a way which offers her the choice to get help for herself, to make more of her life then she presently is by utilizing you and your wife's resources, or not, that's up to you. What I think we're all trying to say is that you can still have your own life and have it be a good one, if you learn how to detach and accept your daughter's life choices because none of us can control the life of another. We are powerless. That doesn't make us any less family oriented or any less loving towards our family members. By enabling our adult children, regardless of their mental issues, we send the message to them that we believe they are incapable of handling their own lives and give them permission to disrupt and often ruin ours. Breaking that pattern is loving them enough to let them go, It can sound cold and cruel in the beginning and there are those who cannot fathom it, however, most of us here have found that detaching is the only way for any one of us to have a sane and healthy life. </p><p></p><p>You might want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. </p><p></p><p>This is hard. The hardest thing any of us has had to do.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 632273, member: 13542"] Mental illness does not give you a pass on personal responsibility. My brother is schizophrenic, my sister is bi-polar, my daughter has some kind of undiagnosed conduct disorder, none of those illnesses give them the right to steal, break the law, drain another of their money and life force or be a perpetual child. You can decide to support your daughter in a way which offers her the choice to get help for herself, to make more of her life then she presently is by utilizing you and your wife's resources, or not, that's up to you. What I think we're all trying to say is that you can still have your own life and have it be a good one, if you learn how to detach and accept your daughter's life choices because none of us can control the life of another. We are powerless. That doesn't make us any less family oriented or any less loving towards our family members. By enabling our adult children, regardless of their mental issues, we send the message to them that we believe they are incapable of handling their own lives and give them permission to disrupt and often ruin ours. Breaking that pattern is loving them enough to let them go, It can sound cold and cruel in the beginning and there are those who cannot fathom it, however, most of us here have found that detaching is the only way for any one of us to have a sane and healthy life. You might want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. This is hard. The hardest thing any of us has had to do. [/QUOTE]
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How to detach when grandkids are involved.
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