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Parent Emeritus
How to detach when grandkids are involved.
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<blockquote data-quote="End of our rope" data-source="post: 632336" data-attributes="member: 17544"><p>Recovering, your words are clearly born from this experience at your own level. When I share this with my wife we are both taken aback and find it hard to find solace in such descriptions of what is ultimately in front of us. By that I mean the graphic and real language that describes all that has been shared with us by so many. Yes there is so much more comfort in everyone's advice but the reality that is descending upon us is truly the most horrific thing we have faced in our 40 years. Such unknowns still in the shadows yet to be exposed and cause even more hurt. </p><p></p><p>We are trying to put on happy faces for the kids but this is so hard. This is still just us trying to sort all of this out and without any support at hand we are still bouncing around. Oh and by the way we still have our own lives, we still have our own commitments to fulfill which are now in jeopardy. What ever support we can find is still unknown. </p><p></p><p>We have to wait until Saturday before we can see our daughter and judge what kind of impact this has had. We have yet to even talk to her because we had to register at the jail and setup an account so she can have money to call. Our family attorney has advised us that if we bail her out it will also indicate to the court system that we are a responsible party and they will expect us to provide legal counsel. So our decision is still to not bail her out at this time.</p><p></p><p>We met with the kids father tonight and had an opening dialog about what is ahead of us. Cordial conversation but his own failings and lack of support does not give me a lot of hope.</p><p></p><p>I think it is important to note that for the last 8 months things have been much improved. We have controlled the situation with clear boundaries. Their have been what I would call minor bumps but nothing like what just happened. Yes the same old that's not good enough or life's not fair and the the usual complaints They have been able to have the whole upstairs to themselves and didn't even have to interact with us if they didn't want to. The last 8 weeks we have seen her retreat more and more from us. Only interacting when she had to. The whole weekend before this blew up in or face was the worst I had seen her since they moved back. She was out with friends the whole weekend calling several times for money and gas for her car which we didn't give. I know those with experience on this board recognize this behavior but we are still learning.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="End of our rope, post: 632336, member: 17544"] Recovering, your words are clearly born from this experience at your own level. When I share this with my wife we are both taken aback and find it hard to find solace in such descriptions of what is ultimately in front of us. By that I mean the graphic and real language that describes all that has been shared with us by so many. Yes there is so much more comfort in everyone's advice but the reality that is descending upon us is truly the most horrific thing we have faced in our 40 years. Such unknowns still in the shadows yet to be exposed and cause even more hurt. We are trying to put on happy faces for the kids but this is so hard. This is still just us trying to sort all of this out and without any support at hand we are still bouncing around. Oh and by the way we still have our own lives, we still have our own commitments to fulfill which are now in jeopardy. What ever support we can find is still unknown. We have to wait until Saturday before we can see our daughter and judge what kind of impact this has had. We have yet to even talk to her because we had to register at the jail and setup an account so she can have money to call. Our family attorney has advised us that if we bail her out it will also indicate to the court system that we are a responsible party and they will expect us to provide legal counsel. So our decision is still to not bail her out at this time. We met with the kids father tonight and had an opening dialog about what is ahead of us. Cordial conversation but his own failings and lack of support does not give me a lot of hope. I think it is important to note that for the last 8 months things have been much improved. We have controlled the situation with clear boundaries. Their have been what I would call minor bumps but nothing like what just happened. Yes the same old that's not good enough or life's not fair and the the usual complaints They have been able to have the whole upstairs to themselves and didn't even have to interact with us if they didn't want to. The last 8 weeks we have seen her retreat more and more from us. Only interacting when she had to. The whole weekend before this blew up in or face was the worst I had seen her since they moved back. She was out with friends the whole weekend calling several times for money and gas for her car which we didn't give. I know those with experience on this board recognize this behavior but we are still learning. [/QUOTE]
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