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How to explain to child Mom wants nothing to do with him
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<blockquote data-quote="Big Bad Kitty" data-source="post: 120014" data-attributes="member: 3647"><p>David,</p><p></p><p>I hope you will read what I have to say, because I have nothing but empathy for this situation.</p><p></p><p>The father of my older daughter took off as soon as he learned that I was pregnant. Never saw her. When she was about 8, I found him. I called him, we met and talked. I learned that he had since married and had 2 more kids. I then met with him & his wife. Then the two of them came with me to meet with my daughter's therapist. We were planning on introducing her father into her life, but only if it was going to be beneficial to her. After 6 months (SIX MONTHS!) of planning, arranging, promises, etc, they met. She met her sister and her brother. She met her stepmom. She spent father's day with him. She had several summer outings with the family. Once school started, he became distant. When I called him to invite him to her Winter concert, he told me that he was too busy to be her father. </p><p></p><p>And we never heard from him again.</p><p></p><p>So, she spent much of the next 8 years in & out of therapy, clinging to guys, she ran away, she was a cutter for awhile, she did a couple stints in inpatient too. I don't know what more we could have done. When she needed to cry, we held her and let her cry. She wrote several letters to her father. Some she mailed, some she did not. Many were "I hate you" letters. She needed to get that out. </p><p></p><p>Now she is 19 and he still has no desire to see her. I don't know how the man sleeps at night. But, she has come to forgive him. and she has gotten through it. By forgiving him, I don't mean that she decided that it was OK for him to do it. I mean she said it is not up to her to judge him for his reasons. She actually feels sorry for him. So do I, he missed out on one great kid.</p><p></p><p>And so is Justin's mother. Shame on her. My heart goes out to him and you. There is nothing more painful in the entire world than seeing your child hurt at the hands of someone else, and know that there is nothing you can do about it. Just be there for him. </p><p></p><p>I am very glad you came back to the forum.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Big Bad Kitty, post: 120014, member: 3647"] David, I hope you will read what I have to say, because I have nothing but empathy for this situation. The father of my older daughter took off as soon as he learned that I was pregnant. Never saw her. When she was about 8, I found him. I called him, we met and talked. I learned that he had since married and had 2 more kids. I then met with him & his wife. Then the two of them came with me to meet with my daughter's therapist. We were planning on introducing her father into her life, but only if it was going to be beneficial to her. After 6 months (SIX MONTHS!) of planning, arranging, promises, etc, they met. She met her sister and her brother. She met her stepmom. She spent father's day with him. She had several summer outings with the family. Once school started, he became distant. When I called him to invite him to her Winter concert, he told me that he was too busy to be her father. And we never heard from him again. So, she spent much of the next 8 years in & out of therapy, clinging to guys, she ran away, she was a cutter for awhile, she did a couple stints in inpatient too. I don't know what more we could have done. When she needed to cry, we held her and let her cry. She wrote several letters to her father. Some she mailed, some she did not. Many were "I hate you" letters. She needed to get that out. Now she is 19 and he still has no desire to see her. I don't know how the man sleeps at night. But, she has come to forgive him. and she has gotten through it. By forgiving him, I don't mean that she decided that it was OK for him to do it. I mean she said it is not up to her to judge him for his reasons. She actually feels sorry for him. So do I, he missed out on one great kid. And so is Justin's mother. Shame on her. My heart goes out to him and you. There is nothing more painful in the entire world than seeing your child hurt at the hands of someone else, and know that there is nothing you can do about it. Just be there for him. I am very glad you came back to the forum. [/QUOTE]
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