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How to explain to child Mom wants nothing to do with him
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<blockquote data-quote="fosterparent" data-source="post: 120038" data-attributes="member: 2582"><p>Just back to this site after several years. Hope this doesn't show up twice. Not quite sure what happened to the first post but I didn't see it anywhere after typing it.</p><p></p><p>D - I feel your pain. Imagine having 11 yo twin girls. Their biological "family" lives literally 5 minutes from us. Their mother has not seen or spoken to them since October. She only did then because I called and asked her to take them out in their costumes and she did. She brought them back and we have not seen or heard from her since. </p><p></p><p>A little background: Girls came to us as foster children at two months old. Bio mom and dad were in rehab. Mother had tried to give the girls up for adoption while still in utero and had signed all the papers but the father would not go along with it so they came into foster care. When the girls turned two the courts gave legal custody back to the mom (she supposedly had stopped her drinking and drugging at the time and she had county services such as Section 8 housing, food stamps, medicaid, etc.). The girls stayed with mom and dad for approx. two months. Of course, we loved the girls and were missing them like crazy and as you can tell from this next part, our hearts took over when our heads should have been in control. Mom called and said the girls weren't thriving. They were withdrawn, crying all the time, not eating and so on. So us being us and loving them the way we did we worked out a compromise. I told her she could bring them back and we would make the transition smoother (of course their stipend stopped when the court gave custody back to the mom). I suggested that we take them to day care starting like on Mondays through Thursdays and she pick them up on Fridays and keep them all weekend and each week she could add another day until they were with her all the time. That worked about 3 weeks. Then one day the day care calls at 6:45 after closing at 6:30 to say the girls are still here, no one has picked them up and we are closed. Of course it was her day. She just didn't show up so of course I picked them up and they've been with me ever since.</p><p></p><p>We are a little different because the girls have come to the point that they don't want anything to do with her. They don't want to call, and please don't suggest they visit. I constantly try to talk her up because I think they should have a relationship with their mother and their full sibling brother. (The mom has a total of seven children but only one is a full sibling to the girls.) They rarely get to see him. They want a relationship with him but without her. </p><p></p><p>They are my G'sFG. One has ADHD/ODD and the other has ADD and they take Vyvanse and Adderal respectively. They see a therapist once a week. She is treating them for grief and loss because they didn't fit in any other category. Even though it is not exactly your same problem, just know you are not alone.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="fosterparent, post: 120038, member: 2582"] Just back to this site after several years. Hope this doesn't show up twice. Not quite sure what happened to the first post but I didn't see it anywhere after typing it. D - I feel your pain. Imagine having 11 yo twin girls. Their biological "family" lives literally 5 minutes from us. Their mother has not seen or spoken to them since October. She only did then because I called and asked her to take them out in their costumes and she did. She brought them back and we have not seen or heard from her since. A little background: Girls came to us as foster children at two months old. Bio mom and dad were in rehab. Mother had tried to give the girls up for adoption while still in utero and had signed all the papers but the father would not go along with it so they came into foster care. When the girls turned two the courts gave legal custody back to the mom (she supposedly had stopped her drinking and drugging at the time and she had county services such as Section 8 housing, food stamps, medicaid, etc.). The girls stayed with mom and dad for approx. two months. Of course, we loved the girls and were missing them like crazy and as you can tell from this next part, our hearts took over when our heads should have been in control. Mom called and said the girls weren't thriving. They were withdrawn, crying all the time, not eating and so on. So us being us and loving them the way we did we worked out a compromise. I told her she could bring them back and we would make the transition smoother (of course their stipend stopped when the court gave custody back to the mom). I suggested that we take them to day care starting like on Mondays through Thursdays and she pick them up on Fridays and keep them all weekend and each week she could add another day until they were with her all the time. That worked about 3 weeks. Then one day the day care calls at 6:45 after closing at 6:30 to say the girls are still here, no one has picked them up and we are closed. Of course it was her day. She just didn't show up so of course I picked them up and they've been with me ever since. We are a little different because the girls have come to the point that they don't want anything to do with her. They don't want to call, and please don't suggest they visit. I constantly try to talk her up because I think they should have a relationship with their mother and their full sibling brother. (The mom has a total of seven children but only one is a full sibling to the girls.) They rarely get to see him. They want a relationship with him but without her. They are my G'sFG. One has ADHD/ODD and the other has ADD and they take Vyvanse and Adderal respectively. They see a therapist once a week. She is treating them for grief and loss because they didn't fit in any other category. Even though it is not exactly your same problem, just know you are not alone. [/QUOTE]
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