How to get difficult child to school!!!!????

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by lovelyboy, Nov 13, 2011.

  1. lovelyboy

    lovelyboy Member

    Agh....I feel so stressed!

    My son was 'sick' and absent from school on Thursday and Friday....luckily for him he had tonsilitis....gave him good excuse not to go!

    Me and hubby has appointment with psychiatrist tomorrow morning at 8 'o clock, so ghg has to go to school early! I told him very gently now that he has to go a bit earlier tomorrow morning...his answer: But you know I'm not going to school tomorrow. I asked him why...."because"....

    Has any of you encountered this problem...how do you get your kid to go to school if he refuses...We have done the punishment before....taking away his ps3....We had told him about how bad it will be if he fails grade 2....he said so what......he is such a clever little boy...he has everything going for him....great private school, nice teacher....the brains....He just find the social interaction very stressfull.

    Any ideas on how to get my child to want to go to school tomorrow!? Help pleeeeaaassseeee!
     
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You are going to school because that is your job to go to school. Everyone has a job to do and yours is to go to school.

    If that doesnt work, then move on to: well, mommy and daddy make the decisions about what is best for you. We decide what is best for you and school is what little boys do. You have to go to school. If he balks completely, take him in his pajama's. I have. Only took one time!
     
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    You can't "make" him want to go to school. Wanting to, is always his choice.

    You actually have two problems going on at the same time, and its a tough situation.
    First problem is, tomorrow morning. That's almost a crisis situation... you and husband have to be somewhere else, so difficult child has to be at school.

    Second problem is... what is the real problem with not wanting to go to school?

    Until you get answers to the second problem, its really hard to know what the right answer is to the first problem! And even if you could figure it out today, you don't have time to put anything in place for tomorrow morning.

    YUCK.

    Hopefully others have more creative solutions!
     
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    School is non-negotiable in our house. I do have a friend who, like Janet, would carry her difficult child to the car in her pj's, hair uncombed, and bring her to school. You can work on the "why" later.
     
  5. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    This won't work for everyone, but I'll put it out there in case it helps. difficult child 1 has anxiety over being alone, so when he refuses to go somewhere I need him to I get everyone ready and we start leaving. He comes out running at the last second.
     
  6. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    Does the school know that you're having problems getting him to school? A friend of mine had this problem with her son and she one time she called the school and said that her son was refusing to go to school. She was calling to advise the school that it was an unauthorized absence and asked what would happen from there. Her son was told that if his mom was sending his, but he was refusing to go then he would have to face detention for "cutting" school. I don't know if that would work, but it's something that always stuck in the back of my mind.
     
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Lia, I do that too when one of the grands (one old enough to actually speak that is!) is fussing or tantrumming or otherwise just being defiant and not wanting to get with the plan. I will just say something like well, okay, we are all going to X and if you want to be left behind oh well. they tend to come running...lol.
     
  8. pepperidge

    pepperidge New Member

    not going to help, but as someone who had a bright son with some learning issues who hated hated school from day 1, I think it is worth trying to get to the bottom of it because it is probably only going to get worse. I suggest a thorough neuropsychologist examination and discussion with school. Something is going on. Can you just pick him and put in the car tomorrow?

    We ended up threatening my child with the "free limo" service from the school resource officer. But that won't work with one as young as yours probably.
     
  9. whatamess

    whatamess New Member

    I have two children who have had bad experiences at school and so I give them the option of whether they want to go. Understanding why they don't want to go and working with school to make accomodations for their "issues" has meant that this year the youngest has not chosen to stay home at all and oldest says he wants to, but then changes his mind and goes. I have a rule about no tv, computer, video games, etc if they are home and so it is rather boring to sit and do work with mom. During the height of my youngest's issues last year we had to work really hard at making school feel safe and yes, fun!
     
  10. sjexpress

    sjexpress Guest

    When my difficult child refused to go to school last year in 5th grade, I told him I refused to call him in sick and that when the school calls later in the morning to see why he is not there, I was going to tell them that he refused and to please send the truant officer to get him. ( I really did not know what the school does under these circumstances, but figured neither did difficult child) difficult child stressed big time over someone coming to get him and each time the phone rang, he freaked out. About 2 hrs after the start of school (no the school did not call yet), I guess difficult child could not take it anymore and he begged me to drive him in late, which I did. After that, he still would complain about having to go to school but got on that bus every day!! By the way, even now in 6th grade he says he does not want to go to school but again, he gets up and goes! Good Luck!

    Jan
     
  11. ready2run

    ready2run New Member

    i had my 5yo taken to school by difficult child's social worker everyday for 2 weeks because he rufused to go and if i brought him he'd cling to me and make a scene. after the two weeks he asked me if he could take the bus like everyone else.
     
  12. lovelyboy

    lovelyboy Member

    Thanx so very much all you wonderfull people!

    He said last night he will go...luckily we need to go pick up one of his friends, so he won't be alone at school, ariving early! But we will see how he is when I wake him up....maybe hubby can take them, as a treat?
    He did tell me last night that he feels very sad, seemed quite depressed and tearfull.....he said that he don't know why. He did say this feeling started since a doggie was driven over infront of him a week or so ago!
    I do get the feeling somethings up but he tells me he doesn't know what....has had 3 almost meltdowns yesterday!
    Also says that he feels unsave.....maybe anxiety?
    Maybe because he knows they are finishing of the year and is meeting new teacher and friends next year!
    LOL....about putting him in the car....REMEMBER I am small and he is big....I have to get him OUT of the car at school!:)
     
  13. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I've used both Jan's and Janet's suggestions depending upon difficult child's age. When he was a little guy, your difficult child's age, I explained that if he didn't go to school, the turancy officer would come to the house and I would have to go to court. For some reason, the idea of him mom getting in trouble really worked! But as he got older, I told him it was his job - just like I have mine. School is "no discussion" item at our home.

    Sharon
     
  14. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Witnessing a dog get run over can be bothersome for a long time even if it was not his pet. My difficult child's 10 month old dog was hit last Spring and it was a few months before he could get the image from haunting him. Maybe passing by the location sets off memories for your difficult child?

    I had problems with both my kids for two different reasons to get to school.

    1st was Diva - I so wish I had this site for her and knew enough to follow the steps that I did for difficult child. Any way, she refused to go in 5th grade. I told her that she would have to call the school and tell them why she would be missing the day. She did not want her teacher to know what she was going through (though he did know because I shared with the school without her knowledge) so she would rather get herself to school than make that call. I have always told my kids that if I didn't think they should miss school than it was their responsibility to let the school know why they would not be showing up that day.

    2nd was difficult child - He was suffering from intense anxiety. Until he was hospitalized, he really could not get to school physically. I went with him and sat by his side (we had no idea what was happening - he was falling apart) and even so, he could not make it through a day. He also could not make a trip to a store for the sole purpose of getting a Lego set for himself. After he was hospitalized and learned coping skills, he refused to go to school because his anxiety was so high. He was so deep into the anxiety that even the medications were not yet enough as he learned that his coping skills could get him through. He was then diagnosed a short term medication that took the edge off and helped him feel more relaxed. It also caused disinhibination where he became disrespectful of authority figures but with a fantastic school staff (small private school), I made the decision to keep him on it to help in the academics part of schooling. I could not have made it through that year without the awesome school staff.

    I think your difficult child is a bit young to make that call to the school but you can ask him what he wants you to say to the school. You can ask him how you should reply if the school asks certain questions. Let him know that the school will want you to take him to a doctor if he tells them he is sick.

    I was a little unclear about your signature. You state the oldest has anxiety? Is he your oldest? If not, has he ever been tested for anxiety? With anxiety, there is not necessarily a "cause" - it can and is often just a "feeling" for no reason. The "What If" syndrome. "What if I see another dog being run over?", "What if the kids won't let me play?", "What if I don't understand the teacher?", "What is going to happen today?"

    After you mentioned witnessing the accident, my thoughts went straight to anxiety.
     
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