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How to handle my difficult child mom?
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<blockquote data-quote="welcometowitsend" data-source="post: 591151" data-attributes="member: 14356"><p>Hound - Thanks for your support. It means a lot that I can come here and vent to get some of this frustration out. My parents are very aware of the situation with difficult child and what has been happening with him. My parents were wonderful to my kids when they were small and did a lot with them. I know my parents love my children a lot and want to see them succeed. </p><p></p><p>But my mom is a huge difficult child in the sense that she wants to be the most loved, the most fun grandparent and she has always believed that she can be the saviour. She did this with her brothers and sisters (my mom is the oldest) and she did it with a cousin of mine and now she is doing it with difficult child. For some reason she has this idea that if the right words are said or the right gift is given that difficult child will miraculously come around, change his ways and come home. And she thinks that she is going to be the person to do it. </p><p></p><p>She told me again today after church that she was going to do and say exactly what she wanted and she didn't care if it hurt anyone else - that was their problem. Sigh. That sort of left me speechless, even after all these years of dealing with this type of behaviour. I asked her to please show husband and I some respect so she turned around and said "Ok, fine. I'll never see difficult child again." This is how she reacts much of the time when she doesn't get her own way - it's all about extreme reactions with her. I told her that was not what we wanted at all, just that she needed to respect some boundaries. She also said that what husband and I were doing wasn't working and so she was going to do something else. Sigh again. She got mad and walked out. Story of my life when it comes to confrontations with my mother. </p><p></p><p></p><p>RE - I definitely think there is a one-upmanship on my mom's part as far as 'saving' difficult child goes. I think this process is now going to take a lot longer because of her behaviour, especially if it keeps up. And I think that it could hurt my relationship with difficult child as well. </p><p></p><p>I did talk to easy child about things today and she is a very self aware person and very aware of others as well. She is remarkable in her ability to see things for the truth of what they are - sometimes better at it than I am. She remarked to me that difficult child has always been Gma's favourite anyway. I know this to be true because my mother has told me but easy child told me today that my mother has told her that too. Sigh. Hurtful but I think easy child sees my mom for what she is. Understands that there is love there but that it comes in an unhealthy way sometimes because Gma has her own issues that have never been dealt with. I feel bad for my Dad. Doesn't matter what he thinks, he can't say 'boo' because he'll have to deal with the retaliation and tantrums that will come from my mother. My dad isn't allowed to speak an opinion that is different from my mothers and sometimes he gets abuse even when he keeps his mouth shut. </p><p></p><p>Is it wrong to be looking forward to November when they go back to Florida and it puts some distance between them and the situation? We get along so much better when they are 2000 miles away even though I still talk to them at least 3 times a week.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="welcometowitsend, post: 591151, member: 14356"] Hound - Thanks for your support. It means a lot that I can come here and vent to get some of this frustration out. My parents are very aware of the situation with difficult child and what has been happening with him. My parents were wonderful to my kids when they were small and did a lot with them. I know my parents love my children a lot and want to see them succeed. But my mom is a huge difficult child in the sense that she wants to be the most loved, the most fun grandparent and she has always believed that she can be the saviour. She did this with her brothers and sisters (my mom is the oldest) and she did it with a cousin of mine and now she is doing it with difficult child. For some reason she has this idea that if the right words are said or the right gift is given that difficult child will miraculously come around, change his ways and come home. And she thinks that she is going to be the person to do it. She told me again today after church that she was going to do and say exactly what she wanted and she didn't care if it hurt anyone else - that was their problem. Sigh. That sort of left me speechless, even after all these years of dealing with this type of behaviour. I asked her to please show husband and I some respect so she turned around and said "Ok, fine. I'll never see difficult child again." This is how she reacts much of the time when she doesn't get her own way - it's all about extreme reactions with her. I told her that was not what we wanted at all, just that she needed to respect some boundaries. She also said that what husband and I were doing wasn't working and so she was going to do something else. Sigh again. She got mad and walked out. Story of my life when it comes to confrontations with my mother. RE - I definitely think there is a one-upmanship on my mom's part as far as 'saving' difficult child goes. I think this process is now going to take a lot longer because of her behaviour, especially if it keeps up. And I think that it could hurt my relationship with difficult child as well. I did talk to easy child about things today and she is a very self aware person and very aware of others as well. She is remarkable in her ability to see things for the truth of what they are - sometimes better at it than I am. She remarked to me that difficult child has always been Gma's favourite anyway. I know this to be true because my mother has told me but easy child told me today that my mother has told her that too. Sigh. Hurtful but I think easy child sees my mom for what she is. Understands that there is love there but that it comes in an unhealthy way sometimes because Gma has her own issues that have never been dealt with. I feel bad for my Dad. Doesn't matter what he thinks, he can't say 'boo' because he'll have to deal with the retaliation and tantrums that will come from my mother. My dad isn't allowed to speak an opinion that is different from my mothers and sometimes he gets abuse even when he keeps his mouth shut. Is it wrong to be looking forward to November when they go back to Florida and it puts some distance between them and the situation? We get along so much better when they are 2000 miles away even though I still talk to them at least 3 times a week. [/QUOTE]
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