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How to help adult grandchildren re: difficult child?
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<blockquote data-quote="trinityroyal" data-source="post: 584803" data-attributes="member: 3907"><p>Barbara, I'm another one whose grandmother was a mom, a confidante and a strong mentor in how to be a good mother (and grandmother, if/when I get there). She came to live with us when I was 3 months old -- I think she knew that my mother's mental illness (schizophrenia) would get worse with time and stress, and that she couldn't handle a newborn, especially not a newborn girl--an "accident", no less--on top of the 12 month-old boy she already had.</p><p></p><p>I think being on the Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) spectrum helped me tremendously in detaching from my mother. My beloved Grannie was my confidante and protector, who soothed me when I was scared, set me on the path toward learning to control my (vicious and often violent) temper, taught me how to be invisible when I didn't want to be seen or it was unsafe for me to come out of hiding, and provided a witness and contrast to my parents' neglectful behaviour, so I knew I was loved and worthy of being loved, and that it was my parents who had trouble loving me properly. I think grandmothers have tremendous power and influence in their grandchildren's lives, even when they're only present infrequently. That unconditional love and support, combined with wisdom and guidance, is unmatched.</p><p></p><p>My parents have not changed, and at this stage are unlikely to. They are now trying to build the bridges with me that they should have built during my childhood, but the foundations are neither strong not solid. I stand on the opposite bank, staring across the tremendous chasm between us, knowing that they can't get here from there. I feel sadness and pity for them, but no desire to interfere or help them build the bridge. They can try, and I will stand and watch, detached.</p><p></p><p>I think your grandchildren will be okay.</p><p></p><p>{{{Hugs}}}</p><p>Trinity</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="trinityroyal, post: 584803, member: 3907"] Barbara, I'm another one whose grandmother was a mom, a confidante and a strong mentor in how to be a good mother (and grandmother, if/when I get there). She came to live with us when I was 3 months old -- I think she knew that my mother's mental illness (schizophrenia) would get worse with time and stress, and that she couldn't handle a newborn, especially not a newborn girl--an "accident", no less--on top of the 12 month-old boy she already had. I think being on the Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) spectrum helped me tremendously in detaching from my mother. My beloved Grannie was my confidante and protector, who soothed me when I was scared, set me on the path toward learning to control my (vicious and often violent) temper, taught me how to be invisible when I didn't want to be seen or it was unsafe for me to come out of hiding, and provided a witness and contrast to my parents' neglectful behaviour, so I knew I was loved and worthy of being loved, and that it was my parents who had trouble loving me properly. I think grandmothers have tremendous power and influence in their grandchildren's lives, even when they're only present infrequently. That unconditional love and support, combined with wisdom and guidance, is unmatched. My parents have not changed, and at this stage are unlikely to. They are now trying to build the bridges with me that they should have built during my childhood, but the foundations are neither strong not solid. I stand on the opposite bank, staring across the tremendous chasm between us, knowing that they can't get here from there. I feel sadness and pity for them, but no desire to interfere or help them build the bridge. They can try, and I will stand and watch, detached. I think your grandchildren will be okay. {{{Hugs}}} Trinity [/QUOTE]
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