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how to instill real change
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<blockquote data-quote="TerryJ2" data-source="post: 395452" data-attributes="member: 3419"><p>You have to put your money where your mouth is. If ex calls at the last min., and husband knew about it, then HE has to deal with-the kids. Make yourself disappear. If ex calls at the last min. and no one knew about it, you AND the kids disappear. (Don't go to the mall and slip, though.<img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" />)</p><p> </p><p>My husband used to be late for everything. He would overcommit and everyone would be mad at him. You can't be at 6 places at once. I went to a marriage counselor and she said to just not be there. Only wait a certain amt of time. I told her I had done that and he didn't care. She said I had to do something with-more teeth. So I moved out. (Yes, I moved back in, but it took 6-mo's to train husband, if you Know what I mean?.)</p><p> </p><p>I don't know what you can do, short of moving out. But you have to do something. DO can mean not answer the door, not answer the phone, not answer texts, or it can mean take the kids out to dinner and just be unavailable. No apologies. It's YOUR life. </p><p>Don't be mad ... but somehow in your notes, I see people telling you to jump, and you ask "how high?" Know what I mean??</p><p> </p><p>You don't have to apologize. In fact, that will make it worse. Be firm, and keep your voice well modulated, even almost happy. "Oh, tonight? We have plans. The kids would love to see you another time when we have more notice, though. Is Wed. or Thurs. better for you?"</p><p> </p><p>Practice in front of a mirror. You're going to feel like an idiot at first but it works.</p><p> </p><p>Go, Warrior Mom!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TerryJ2, post: 395452, member: 3419"] You have to put your money where your mouth is. If ex calls at the last min., and husband knew about it, then HE has to deal with-the kids. Make yourself disappear. If ex calls at the last min. and no one knew about it, you AND the kids disappear. (Don't go to the mall and slip, though.;)) My husband used to be late for everything. He would overcommit and everyone would be mad at him. You can't be at 6 places at once. I went to a marriage counselor and she said to just not be there. Only wait a certain amt of time. I told her I had done that and he didn't care. She said I had to do something with-more teeth. So I moved out. (Yes, I moved back in, but it took 6-mo's to train husband, if you Know what I mean?.) I don't know what you can do, short of moving out. But you have to do something. DO can mean not answer the door, not answer the phone, not answer texts, or it can mean take the kids out to dinner and just be unavailable. No apologies. It's YOUR life. Don't be mad ... but somehow in your notes, I see people telling you to jump, and you ask "how high?" Know what I mean?? You don't have to apologize. In fact, that will make it worse. Be firm, and keep your voice well modulated, even almost happy. "Oh, tonight? We have plans. The kids would love to see you another time when we have more notice, though. Is Wed. or Thurs. better for you?" Practice in front of a mirror. You're going to feel like an idiot at first but it works. Go, Warrior Mom!!! [/QUOTE]
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