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how to instill real change
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 395566" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>My break through moment was when it actually dawned on me that I couldn't change another person, be it my spouse, my child, my friend, or a stranger. Now that doesn't sound like such a big deal. But you can say it until you're blue in the face, but until it actually sinks in that you honestly cannot change another person's behavior, you haven't quite gotten there yet. I said it for years before it actually hit me for real and the light bulb went on. It wasn't that I hadn't believed that I "got it" before, because I did think so........I just wasn't quite there yet. My emotions, reactions, and actions hadn't caught up with my brain.</p><p></p><p>That wasn't really an easy moment for me as it was at one of the lowest points in my life. husband was being full blown difficult child. Travis' behavior was off the wall, and Nichole had begun her nosedive. I bawled my eyes out when it honestly hit me. But when I got through the tears, which I think were frustration, a bit of dispair, and anger.......... The light bulb clicked on. I couldn't change them or their behaviors. But I could change myself, my own reactions, MY behavior. And I started working on me. Houserules, boundaries ect stayed in place.........I worked on those other things. It was hard at first because I was surprised at how easy it was to slip right back into old behavior that I knew got no where except me frustrated out of my mind. But humans are creatures of habit, and those habits can be hard to break. It did help that I noticed fairly soon in that the stress was reduced, because there were times I really had to remind myself of that so I would continue to work on myself.</p><p></p><p>I'm a work in progress. I probably always will be because no one is perfect. But I don't let myself get svcked into the drama, I don't put up with 99 percent of the crud I did years ago. And I am a much calmer, happier person. husband, Nichole and Travis changed because they wanted to change, and sense I didn't play into a lot of it, the pay off wasn't there for them. (like Mom needing a padded room somewhere)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 395566, member: 84"] My break through moment was when it actually dawned on me that I couldn't change another person, be it my spouse, my child, my friend, or a stranger. Now that doesn't sound like such a big deal. But you can say it until you're blue in the face, but until it actually sinks in that you honestly cannot change another person's behavior, you haven't quite gotten there yet. I said it for years before it actually hit me for real and the light bulb went on. It wasn't that I hadn't believed that I "got it" before, because I did think so........I just wasn't quite there yet. My emotions, reactions, and actions hadn't caught up with my brain. That wasn't really an easy moment for me as it was at one of the lowest points in my life. husband was being full blown difficult child. Travis' behavior was off the wall, and Nichole had begun her nosedive. I bawled my eyes out when it honestly hit me. But when I got through the tears, which I think were frustration, a bit of dispair, and anger.......... The light bulb clicked on. I couldn't change them or their behaviors. But I could change myself, my own reactions, MY behavior. And I started working on me. Houserules, boundaries ect stayed in place.........I worked on those other things. It was hard at first because I was surprised at how easy it was to slip right back into old behavior that I knew got no where except me frustrated out of my mind. But humans are creatures of habit, and those habits can be hard to break. It did help that I noticed fairly soon in that the stress was reduced, because there were times I really had to remind myself of that so I would continue to work on myself. I'm a work in progress. I probably always will be because no one is perfect. But I don't let myself get svcked into the drama, I don't put up with 99 percent of the crud I did years ago. And I am a much calmer, happier person. husband, Nichole and Travis changed because they wanted to change, and sense I didn't play into a lot of it, the pay off wasn't there for them. (like Mom needing a padded room somewhere) [/QUOTE]
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