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The Watercooler
how to instill real change
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<blockquote data-quote="DammitJanet" data-source="post: 395569" data-attributes="member: 1514"><p>Lisa, I think you hit the nail on the head. Its more about changing you as the person than changing other people. You have to realize that you let people treat you the way that you get treated. If you stop reacting to how they are treating you, they dont get a pay off. I had to learn ( and this is still a huge work in progress ) that I cannot get sucked into other peoples drama. </p><p></p><p>In the case of Hubby and his kids and X wife, he needs to figure that one out. They are his kids. His responsibility. No matter if you love them, you are not the mom. He and xwife have to parent those kids and they have to deal with his kids. He should have some individual time with them in my opinion. They should also have some time with your family. I realize the kids take up some of his only off days but that may just have to be. Thats the way it works in step-families quite often. Especially with older kids.</p><p></p><p>I was particularly lucky with integrating my first child into my new family because he was so young when I met Tony. He didnt really know his bio father and his bio was never in his life. He just accepted Tony as the father figure from from day one. Plus Tony didnt deal with him as anything other than his first son. As far as he is concerned he has 3 boys.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DammitJanet, post: 395569, member: 1514"] Lisa, I think you hit the nail on the head. Its more about changing you as the person than changing other people. You have to realize that you let people treat you the way that you get treated. If you stop reacting to how they are treating you, they dont get a pay off. I had to learn ( and this is still a huge work in progress ) that I cannot get sucked into other peoples drama. In the case of Hubby and his kids and X wife, he needs to figure that one out. They are his kids. His responsibility. No matter if you love them, you are not the mom. He and xwife have to parent those kids and they have to deal with his kids. He should have some individual time with them in my opinion. They should also have some time with your family. I realize the kids take up some of his only off days but that may just have to be. Thats the way it works in step-families quite often. Especially with older kids. I was particularly lucky with integrating my first child into my new family because he was so young when I met Tony. He didnt really know his bio father and his bio was never in his life. He just accepted Tony as the father figure from from day one. Plus Tony didnt deal with him as anything other than his first son. As far as he is concerned he has 3 boys. [/QUOTE]
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