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Parent Emeritus
how to let go and have a life
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<blockquote data-quote="Kathy813" data-source="post: 495683" data-attributes="member: 1967"><p>Hello and welcome to the PE forum. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Well, if she is 39 years old and thinks she doesn't have a problem but is living in her car, there's not much you can do. You need to focus on you and your granddaughter now. </p><p></p><p>For me, I finally just got fed up with all of the drama and chaos that our difficult child was bringing into our lives and said enough. I also am good at compartmentalizing my life and was able to do my job and enjoy husband and our easy child despite difficult child's problems. My difficult child once said that I was in denial about her problems so I explained how I compartmentalized. I explained it as putting her issues into a box in my brain and closing the lid. I knew the problems were there but I didn't let them spill out into the rest of my life. She actually understood when I explained it like that.</p><p></p><p>I don't know if that helps you but you need to let go of her drama. Like you said, it has consumed your life for 20 years. There are some good books on co-dependency. I believe the name of one recommended frequently here is <em>Codependent No More</em> by Melody Beattie. Another one that sounds good is <em>Setting Boundaries(TM) with Your Adult Children: Six Steps to Hope and Healing for Struggling Parents</em> by Allison Bottke. It has a lot of really good reviews on Amazon.</p><p></p><p>Also, keep posting here. You will get a lot of help, advice, and support from others who truly understand what you are going through.</p><p></p><p>~Kathy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kathy813, post: 495683, member: 1967"] Hello and welcome to the PE forum. Well, if she is 39 years old and thinks she doesn't have a problem but is living in her car, there's not much you can do. You need to focus on you and your granddaughter now. For me, I finally just got fed up with all of the drama and chaos that our difficult child was bringing into our lives and said enough. I also am good at compartmentalizing my life and was able to do my job and enjoy husband and our easy child despite difficult child's problems. My difficult child once said that I was in denial about her problems so I explained how I compartmentalized. I explained it as putting her issues into a box in my brain and closing the lid. I knew the problems were there but I didn't let them spill out into the rest of my life. She actually understood when I explained it like that. I don't know if that helps you but you need to let go of her drama. Like you said, it has consumed your life for 20 years. There are some good books on co-dependency. I believe the name of one recommended frequently here is [I]Codependent No More[/I] by Melody Beattie. Another one that sounds good is [I]Setting Boundaries(TM) with Your Adult Children: Six Steps to Hope and Healing for Struggling Parents[/I] by Allison Bottke. It has a lot of really good reviews on Amazon. Also, keep posting here. You will get a lot of help, advice, and support from others who truly understand what you are going through. ~Kathy [/QUOTE]
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