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How to recover ourselves after difficult child-induced trauma?
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<blockquote data-quote="Tiredof33" data-source="post: 595796" data-attributes="member: 13558"><p>I think one of the hardest things for me to accept (if not the hardest thing) it that this is they way my difficult child IS - that at age 35 his personality is set. Unless of course he wants to change, which he shows zero signs of.</p><p></p><p>He had never turned on me before and this girlfriend really influences him in a bad way. She had send me texts that I only cared for easy child and I had so much and did not help my difficult child son. Her idea of me helping is me sending a check each month. Not totally blaming her, it takes two, but he is a follower and she is not a stable person either.</p><p></p><p>My stress was causing health problems and I was sleeping a lot, too tired to enjoy my hobbies. It doesn't come over night BUT once you finally come to terms with, and accept, all of our 'helping' has not turned their lives around it starts to be easier and you will find peace. Once my son was certain I could not be conned or guilted into 'helping' until he started helping himself he became angry and went NC.</p><p></p><p>At first NC was more stress and scary after the family was angry about some of his posts on FB. No one knows where he is and there is no way to contact him. But, it gave me a chance to really step away and I forced myself to go back to the gym. Now, 6 months later, I will never get back into jumping through hoops for him. He has to find his own way. There is a lot of support out there for them, people that are trained and can't be manipulated as we can.</p><p></p><p>in my opinion we are too close to the problem and let emotions take over. It still hurts, but I have the right to a life too.</p><p>(((huggs)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tiredof33, post: 595796, member: 13558"] I think one of the hardest things for me to accept (if not the hardest thing) it that this is they way my difficult child IS - that at age 35 his personality is set. Unless of course he wants to change, which he shows zero signs of. He had never turned on me before and this girlfriend really influences him in a bad way. She had send me texts that I only cared for easy child and I had so much and did not help my difficult child son. Her idea of me helping is me sending a check each month. Not totally blaming her, it takes two, but he is a follower and she is not a stable person either. My stress was causing health problems and I was sleeping a lot, too tired to enjoy my hobbies. It doesn't come over night BUT once you finally come to terms with, and accept, all of our 'helping' has not turned their lives around it starts to be easier and you will find peace. Once my son was certain I could not be conned or guilted into 'helping' until he started helping himself he became angry and went NC. At first NC was more stress and scary after the family was angry about some of his posts on FB. No one knows where he is and there is no way to contact him. But, it gave me a chance to really step away and I forced myself to go back to the gym. Now, 6 months later, I will never get back into jumping through hoops for him. He has to find his own way. There is a lot of support out there for them, people that are trained and can't be manipulated as we can. in my opinion we are too close to the problem and let emotions take over. It still hurts, but I have the right to a life too. (((huggs))) [/QUOTE]
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How to recover ourselves after difficult child-induced trauma?
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