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How to recover ourselves after difficult child-induced trauma?
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 596841" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p><span style="color: #000000">" The words "Mom, </span>difficult child<span style="color: #000000"> is in blah, blah, blah." were met, quick as a wink, with: (Insert sneer.) "Well, I guess you weren't such a good mother after all, were you."</span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">That line really struck me Barbara. That is a shaming remark. You didn't do anything wrong. However, if your mother made that comment then, it's possible she shamed you before and the interesting and ugly thing about shame is that it hits you right where you live, it destroys your own self concept from<em> I made a mistake to I AM the mistake.</em> If that was the case for you, it would be a natural next step to try very hard to have that perfect life to cover up the shame.............and lo and behold, your children aren't perfect, yikes, that would snag that shame right out from the dark recesses and jam it right back in your face.............who wouldn't do just about anything to fix it, make it right, make that shame go away..........</span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">I've been talking about this lately with my own therapist who used that word "shame" to describe an incident I had with someone........and as soon as I realized that was it, it all made sense. People who do that are not consciously doing it, likely it was done to them too...........so the cycle perpetuates itself, as they do if things aren't healed. Any way you slice it though, it feels REALLY bad and hurts a lot. Just a thought I had when reading your post, if it doesn't apply, disregard it............</span><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 596841, member: 13542"] [COLOR=#000000]" The words "Mom, [/COLOR]difficult child[COLOR=#000000] is in blah, blah, blah." were met, quick as a wink, with: (Insert sneer.) "Well, I guess you weren't such a good mother after all, were you." That line really struck me Barbara. That is a shaming remark. You didn't do anything wrong. However, if your mother made that comment then, it's possible she shamed you before and the interesting and ugly thing about shame is that it hits you right where you live, it destroys your own self concept from[I] I made a mistake to I AM the mistake.[/I] If that was the case for you, it would be a natural next step to try very hard to have that perfect life to cover up the shame.............and lo and behold, your children aren't perfect, yikes, that would snag that shame right out from the dark recesses and jam it right back in your face.............who wouldn't do just about anything to fix it, make it right, make that shame go away.......... I've been talking about this lately with my own therapist who used that word "shame" to describe an incident I had with someone........and as soon as I realized that was it, it all made sense. People who do that are not consciously doing it, likely it was done to them too...........so the cycle perpetuates itself, as they do if things aren't healed. Any way you slice it though, it feels REALLY bad and hurts a lot. Just a thought I had when reading your post, if it doesn't apply, disregard it............[/COLOR][COLOR=#000000] [/COLOR] [/QUOTE]
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How to recover ourselves after difficult child-induced trauma?
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