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Parent Emeritus
How to recover ourselves after difficult child-induced trauma?
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<blockquote data-quote="welcometowitsend" data-source="post: 597068" data-attributes="member: 14356"><p>Scent - Thank you for posting about toxic shame. I intend on reading through that website. I've bookmarked it for myself. </p><p></p><p>I spent most of my childhood being told that my mother wished I'd never been born, that she hated me until I was 3 years old (I cried a lot because I was lactose intolerant and no one knew so I had stomach issues). My siblings and I were divided into good and bad. When we were little my sister walked on water, I did not. Now she badmouths my sister every chance she gets and says I'm her favourite. Whatever. She probably badmouths me too.</p><p></p><p>As an adult I have been told repeatedly by my mother that I was parenting poorly. I didn't bake enough cookies or something. Your remark about your mother rang home because just recently my own mother said to me, "I would never to do my children what you are doing to yours!" (because we kicked him out of the house - nevermind that he is allowed to come home as soon as he decides he wants to follow some rules - he doesn't want to come home). </p><p></p><p>I have found myself fearful of my husband coming home to find the house not clean and realize this is leftover from my childhood fear of my mother coming home. My husband is a great guy and very understanding - I have no reason to fear him. It has gotten better over the years but it amazing how those things seep into our adult lives and we don't even realize it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="welcometowitsend, post: 597068, member: 14356"] Scent - Thank you for posting about toxic shame. I intend on reading through that website. I've bookmarked it for myself. I spent most of my childhood being told that my mother wished I'd never been born, that she hated me until I was 3 years old (I cried a lot because I was lactose intolerant and no one knew so I had stomach issues). My siblings and I were divided into good and bad. When we were little my sister walked on water, I did not. Now she badmouths my sister every chance she gets and says I'm her favourite. Whatever. She probably badmouths me too. As an adult I have been told repeatedly by my mother that I was parenting poorly. I didn't bake enough cookies or something. Your remark about your mother rang home because just recently my own mother said to me, "I would never to do my children what you are doing to yours!" (because we kicked him out of the house - nevermind that he is allowed to come home as soon as he decides he wants to follow some rules - he doesn't want to come home). I have found myself fearful of my husband coming home to find the house not clean and realize this is leftover from my childhood fear of my mother coming home. My husband is a great guy and very understanding - I have no reason to fear him. It has gotten better over the years but it amazing how those things seep into our adult lives and we don't even realize it. [/QUOTE]
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How to recover ourselves after difficult child-induced trauma?
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